Would you believe this? Husband and hotel

[atatotallosss]

Will try to keep this short. Currently 35 weeks pregnant with a 20-month-old DD.

Today, I found an email in my husband's email account for a hotel room for two adults dated two weeks ago. Instantly, I felt sick, and I couldn’t hold it in to confront him. Initially, he said it was for a friend, then said he booked it as he had planned to leave me and changed his mind. He doesn't know why the room is listed for two adults and is clamining he just booked the room that showed available.

I have proof that the room was unused with a no-show charge on the invoice, but I honestly don’t know what to think or believe. He’s full of remorse, citing mental health and depression (new to me).

Things have been stressful with work (self-employed) and we have been going through a rocky patch for the past few months (arguments, me struggling in pregnancy and him saying he feels no love from me) however on the day he planned this, that morning I had woken up to blood on my underwear and had to call triage- he plans this?! He says it was a moment of madness and overwhelm, the day the booking was made for, we had zero arguments and it was a normal day except for him being more stressed than usual with work etc. And the scare with the baby. He came home from work and we had normal conversations etc.

He's not been out etc recently so if it was an affair it would have been at work, or online I’m assuming. He is self-employed so god knows what he’s been doing during the day.

He wants us to try and move past this, however, I don’t know if I’m just postponing the inevitable and he will leave one week postpartum etc.

My thoughts exactly, every bit of proof would have been wiped as soon as I blurted out that I knew.

We had a family day out planned and I couldn't have gone ahead with it.

Some responses on here are a little unhinged. I'm so sorry OP, this sounds so upsetting and awful. None of us can know what's going on but you're right to feel betrayed, upset and shaken because, fundamentally, he has been dishonest. I think the possibility of deteriorating mental health needs to be taken seriously and for him to see his GP. I also think couples counselling that others have suggested is a good idea. If he's not willing to do those things, then I'd get more suspicious. People can do batshit things when under a lot of stress. Obviously you are under a huge amount of stress too at 35w pregnant and with PGP and a toddler! But that doesn't mean he isn't as well, and may not feel as able to ask for help (from anyone) when he knows you're going through a tough pregnancy. As some of the replies on here have shown, there's not a lot of sympathy out there for men who have a hard time coping when their partners are pregnant! See if he will get some help and can talk more with you before deciding on the future of the relationship. I really hope things work out for you and your family x

I've never booked a hotel room for a specific number of people, it just says how many it sleeps on the booking so he could be telling the truth. The changing of the story is strange and could indicate that he is lying, although I could see why he would be reluctant to say that he was planning on leaving you.

I don't know what I would believe, sorry you are having to deal with this. It would be difficult at any time, even more so when heavily pregnant 💙

Well, that's bizarre. I travel alone a lot and can assure that a) you can book a room for one person, even if it's a double, and b) single rooms with single beds do exist.

Having said that, every app I use to book a hotel etc always defaults to "2 adults, 1 room" and I always have to set it to 1 adult.

Oh FGS you're talking drivel.

Some men are utter cunts, yes. But not all.

OP is it possible that the OW (assuming there is one) couldn't make it on that date, so your DH cancelled the room - then booked another one on a different date?

Whether he was planning a hook up or whatever is really neither here nor there. The fact is, you are 35 weeks pregnant with a toddler and he was planning to leave you.

Maybe it was only the fact you had the triage issue on the day that stopped him.

I think it's more likely a planned hook up than actually leaving. If you are going to leave, why would you book on a Saturday to leave specifically in the Tuesday? Makes no sense. And why only book one night?

The only other possible scenario I could think of is that he was in a dark place and planning to do something to himself. But again, why book 3 days in advance?

It was obviously a 'date' set and he either got cold feet or she pulled out. Probably he was paying for her.

Here you go, this is Hotels.com. You just change the drop down to one adult. But I could understand why someone might not notice it.

Sorry if I've confused things. From his email the confirmation came through on Tuesday for the Tuesday. So he's booked it the day he had planned to go.

He was run ragged with work that day with a new business opening on the Friday for friends and Saturday to general public. So I honestly can't understand why he would chose to meet someone that week and he was really stressed with it all- me being naive perhaps!

Blimey some of these answers are unhinged! I think the key word is cancelled. Yep he may have fleeting intended to leave or perhaps meet someone but he changed his mind and didnt go thriugh with it. It could have just been a mad moment / maybe his explanation is the truth. I’d concentrate on your DD and new baby for now and see how things go.

Oh sorry I misunderstood OP. Maybe he felt the need to just run away? Could he be dangerously depressed?

He is now claiming to be. I don't mean to be dismissive but I don't know what to believe.

He has a lot of people depending on him with work and stress mounts and he doesn't want to let people down, marches on and never speaks about his feelings etc. I could be true, it could also be a web of lies to make me stop questioning him.

That's what I was hoping for when we first spoke, now I'm wondering if there have been other bookings etc that he will obviously never own up to.

Can you search on his bank? Or maybe he paid via his business account?

can you log into the hotel account? Never booked a hotel before, do they have accounts where you can log into and view past bookings?

OP, as someone with a small baby myself, my advice would be to park this for the next 6 months or so and then see where the land lies. You’ll need support for the birth and aftermath, and your DD will also need a lot of support with the transition. Keeping him around for the time being is likely the best option for the family. If it becomes clear it’s not going to work, you can always separate once you’re through the initial difficult phase of getting to grips with parenting two and any post-partum body issues. Wishing you all the best with the birth and the relationship.

He planned a shag with his OW and she stood him up.

He's having an affair and that's why things have been rough.

He's not depressed or overcome by some sort of madness. He's a common or garden cheat.

You're being too naive.

He's been 'stressed' because leading a double life will do that to you. The lies, the sexual frisson, the need to fit the OW and you and the toddler in and pay enough attention to everyone to keep them off the trail...

Women need to wake up and realise no man is going to stay loyal

@cha04 married 45 years with plenty of friends married 40+ years, none disloyal.
maybe the lack of loyalty is a more recent "trend" but many men and women are able to be faithful long term.

@atatotallosss regardless of his excuse the fact he took that step and was planning on leaving you, your unborn baby and toddler shows poor judgement.
with the history of you two both being unhappy in the relationship, the excuse could be plausible if no family or friends live nearby.
if he has somewhere to go, i would ask him to leave and reflect on how he wants to move forward from this. please note he may stay he wants to say out of fear, and that's not great long term, both of you need to face some hard truths.

sounds like you two need counselling of some sort.

What a load of rubbish, some men do, some men don't, same with women.

Seems you have been hurt, but categorising all men as cheats is not helpful or even accurate.

Most rooms i use are listed for 2.

No man is going to stay loyal? What nonsense.

I can't remember ever staying in a room with one single bed. I travel constantly with work and my company books hundreds of rooms a month, the options are double or twin.

If you go on Booking dot com for example, the default options when booking a double room are for two guests. It's perfectly plausible that this is what he's done.

Maybe he is having an affair, or was planning to hire a sex worker, who knows? Certainly not you.

But no man is loyal? If every man you've ever known has been disloyal to you then I'd suggest you reevaluate the kind of men you're associating with. Or perhaps look at the common denominator: You.

When things become too much for us, our men are expected to step up, offer comfort and support, take more of the burden until we're better.

If a man is stressed out with work and the impending arrival of a child (likely the most significant change of status quo moment in his life so far), he must be having an affair and living a double life.

And we wonder why so many men feel like they can't share their issues, end up with terrible mental health and take their own lives, when for so many people this is the default response.

I used to book a lot of hotel rooms.... Mostly you just paid for room whether it was just me or I was with my partner.

I wouldn't usually change it just for me as it made zero difference to cost.

Honestly? I believe him. You've listed a lot of reasons why you're both clearly under a lot of stress at home and work, he thought he needed to run away, changed his mind and couldn't go through with it. Not a great look but he's still there and he's remorseful. Probably very ashamed of himself too I'd think.

I think he's telling the truth. It sounds like it's all really stressful and usually he's a good guy so I'd give him another chance and make sure you keep communicating openly. Tell him he shouldn't hide his feelings and if he needs space then you can just talk about it. Relationships are about team work and it sounds like usually you're a great team but it just slipped briefly in a moment of stress.