Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

😂. When they're with other kids they're little tornadoes too so we can't let them meet - we'd have to just swap for the day!

Indeed. I really tried to give DDs a childhood like mine in the 1980s where they could play out and have lots of unstructured time. And a balance with structured activity and spending time together.

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I’m well aware of the child psychology thank you, and am confident that my children have, and always have had plenty of time to chill at home, relax with family and to use their imaginations/make their own fun.

For various reasons I was brought up
like this. I had a mother who now looking back had severe anxiety and gid knows what else. We lived remote so that made it worse. My dad was the opposite but this was the 80s and he was mainly at work esp in the summer holidays. He would take us for day trips. I didn’t know I was missing out on anything I didn’t know any diff but also diff times then because there wasn’t the levels of taking kids everywhere like there is now. I remember my husband saying to my young kids “ you should be very grateful as your mam takes you everywhere” I may have overcompensated unintentionally.

Yes it’s actually a really good thing. I feel sad in that I think a lot of parents have become either really time pressured because of having to work or just competitive and so they fill their kids’ lives with clubs and then judge parents who don’t when actually, that sort of free range laissez-faire parenting is very good for children’s development.

I think people have different things they enjoy.
its my husband’s worst nightmare to stay at home every day but I would be perfectly content.

Also some people are very insular. We live in a city that at most you are never more than 3 miles from the sea. My friend teaches secondary school kids that have never been to the beach.

Not strictly related to your question but i'm not that old and in my childhood "doing things with kids" really wasn't a thing.

My mum literally didn't do anything with us as a kid. I can't remember her taking us anywhere or doing anything with us. I grew up on a farm so I was either out with my dad shovelling shit or packed off to the golf course for the day as soon as possible..

Beyond that i was at home watching TV, reading a book or hanging round my granny's house with her. No activities, classes or clubs at all. If you're grown up like that then the kids doing nothing all summer is normal.

My daughter hasn't been at home much all summer. I tell her that we've all winter to sit in the house. She's probably done too much so she'll have a "chill out" week before starting school to let her decompress.

We’ve stayed home a fair amount this summer. More than usual. No holiday either. My kids are happier than ever.

But we have land. Animals. Trampoline, real go kart. Trees to climb, climbing frame. Dc have helped clear our wooded area too after the storm.
We have been out and about three or four times a week to beaches, river, city, parks, cinema, swimming etc.
I don’t think all kids have to be out all the time, they don’t all need after school clubs, because all children aren’t the same. I have three, one of mine, now an adult, went to tons of clubs, still does. Middle doesn’t go to any and youngest goes to one. I let them lead.

Every family is different.

I haven’t seen a single person on this thread saying kids need round the clock activities.

I say it from the point of view my parents did very little with me. I look back now and think depression may have been involved. Its made me and my dsis obsessed with enriching our children’s lives. So I judge.

However, there are times where families and mumsnetters have each others back!

What a nasty post. The pp poster was talking about depression, anxiety etc etc. That's not laziness or shit parenting. Many people suffering these can't just get outdoors, move around, enjoy experiences ffs. Lucky for you you've never experienced such issues and are such a great parent 🙄

We don't spend the summer sitting around doing nothing but we do have a limited budget and some of your suggestions are not as easy as you might think. Free museums and events are great but getting there and back is the problem. My area used to have a subsidised transport ticket that got us out and about all over the place but that was stopped two months ago and we have had to really cut back on trips out.

My son has a bike but I don't and buying one is not an option so going for a bike ride is not easy although we do try with me jogging along beside but that limits how far we can go.

We often spend our afternoons going around the parks in the village trying to find some friends to play with but parks are often pretty empty presumably as everyone is out doing activities. Not much fun for my son being in the park alone so that doesn't last long.

Looks like overscheduling to me! And not affordable especially if 2 or more kids!

We will probably have packed in more experiences over the course of this six week holiday than I think I had across my entire childhood (and I was hardly a deprived child).

But I have had times where my physical and mental health have been shot and psyching myself up to take them to the park at the end of the road felt totally overwhelming.

If you can’t imagine why it’s hard for some people then perhaps you need to use more imagination.

To be fair, I had(and still have) a kid that was happy to be at home , perfectly happy to entertain herself for ages and also perfectly happy to hang out/do stuff with me. I remember once she spent a whole hour cutting the grass with scissors(under supervision ),thinking it was the best thing ever! I suppose it’s hard to imagine if you have the complete opposite

I actually think this hits the nail on the head. I don’t think parents that stay home all day are lazy. And I don’t think parents who get out a lot are failing to let their kids be bored. I think everyone is just doing the best they can and adapting their parenting to what suits their kids. My 2 have needed to be actively taught how to play at home with toys independently (and we are beginning to see progress with the 5 year old). They have also always been outdoor cats, since babies really. While the garden will hold them for a bit they are happiest in nature and actually play independently beautifully outside. I think kids are just different and parents do what suits their kids best 👍

Lower income - could be lack of education, wouldn’t occur to them to do anything other than obvious things like park, theme park or other fancy day out - they wouldn’t think to go for a nature walk, local community event. Poor mental health. Can’t be bothered, easier for children to go on screens, parents on phones. It annoys me how much parents go on phones instead of engaging with their children.

What I find is very typical is all of these families who take their children to expensive activity after expensive activity, chatting away on their phones, no engagement but they can put it on social media and it looks good so oh well!

I teach reception age and the children that struggle with behaviour are often entitled children, used to getting whatever they want, never hearing no or needing to entertain themselves.

People have entirely different perspectives on different activities and their value.

We have a very un-fancy playground around the corner from our house. Equipment has clearly seen better days but there is a good selection of traditional stuff, plus some rocks, bushes and a wooden climbing-area with logs and stuff. Nothing looks innovative, new or shiny, but somehow it just works for us.

My kids have spent many hours of their lives there - probably on average 3-4 hours a week, more during the holidays. It's our "token" trip out on lazy days, plus our go-to afterschool activity. Every time we go there, the kids use the equipment in a different way - different patterns on the monkey-bars, building a course amongst the rocks and stones for the remote-controlled car, trying to swing so high that they can hit the tree branches with their feet, chalking on the ground.

I have seen my kids grow and develop in that playground. It is one of our happy places. We can all be whinging and grumbling at home, but we go through those gates, and suddenly everyone can run, climb, relax and breathe.

One of my son's classmates lives a couple of streets away from us. I was chatting to his mum and asked if they ever hung out at "our" playground.

She said no, it's a bit boring, isn't it? Hopefully the council will find the money to replace it with something a bit better and more up-to-date at some point.

They're the sort of family who do at least two museums, a theme park and an NT property every week of the holiday.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it brought home to me how some families have entirely different outlooks and priorities from ours.

I met a little boy Friday who said he'd just "chilled out" and played his tablet all summer and it made me so sad.

i asked my goddaughter who’s 7 what she’d been up too this summer so far. “Nothing! We played Roblox everyday!” And her sister chimed in with “we’ve been relaxing at home all day”

They were on their way home from the zoo. They’ve already had a week in Portugal. I’ve seen pictures from the park, friends houses and their cousins birthday.

Kids are often full of shit.

I get what you’re saying and I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck at home for 6 whole weeks with my kids, I need to get out or I start to go insane. BUT, back in the early 90s when I was a kid we spent pretty much the whole summer at home, playing with kids from the street, playing in the garden, going in and out of each others kids, going back out in our jammies after bath time to play one last game of hide and seek. My parents weren’t neglectful or living in poverty they were great! Big days out just weren’t a thing then (in my experience and those of my friends and DH, we have discussed this!) soft plays were a few times a year usually for someone’s birthday, other than that we played in our street and at home. I do wonder if kids these days are too used to being actively entertained that they struggle to make their own fun!

My DS isn’t interested in roaming around outside so we rarely do days out. He spends hours playing music (guitars and keyboards) and I think that’s fair enough. It’s the summer holidays after all.

Don’t understand this response. I too am recovering from
cancer treatment but I know this isn’t aimed at me.

Over scheduling even if the kids actively want to do the activities, ask to go and would be upset to quit any?
People seem happy to accept that some kids don’t like organised activities and would rather be at home, but not that some kids thrive on organised activities and choose to do them. My parenting has always been child led, based on their personalities. The one who wants to try every activity going? Great, I’ll facilitate that as far as I’m able. The one (autistic) who hates activities and people and prefers to be at home? Well I’ll do my best to facilitate that too. All have to compromise to some extent, as I have 3 children and have to balance their needs.

Omg

why are people so invested in all the excuses to not take your kids out !!

popping out to have a change of scenery, a bit of daylight. A bit of movement is better than nothing !!

it doesn’t have to be a full on day out that’s Instagram worthy 😂😂

Many families simply cannot afford activities during the school holidays! And you don't know people's reasons for not going park and doing free stuff, many people suffer with anxiety and depression. Very rude statement to make really!