Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Because yours are younger they need to burn energy. My older children don't want to go the park or a walk.

I usually take my children out every day. This year their behaviour has been terrible. Every day trip or trip to the park that I've planned has been cancelled because of poor behaviour. I'm not taking out such badly behaved children. I'm sure they won't tell their friends they had all plans cancelled because they acted up so much. Im sure they will just say they 'chilled'. You never know what is going on in the background.

Both husband and I work full time, yes we take the kids out, I have a weekday off and we protect that to do school holiday meet ups with friends and days out, I work a weekend day and husband takes them to parks or museums because he enjoys that more than play places while I'll take them trampolining and softplay as well as parks because I don't get as overstimulated as he does and I like to meet up with other mum friends. I'm also way more likely to go to cinema with them than he is but he's more likely to take them for a random bike ride.

Fair. I can’t imaging mine stopping being physically active, they both seem to need it more than most. But equally, who knows what’s round the corner I suppose!

I do genuinely think a lot of it is laziness. There will be genuine cases of money issues or adult/child illness or additional needs which complicate things and arent who I'm talking about, but I do think people just make excuses, theres already so many on this thread
-we dont have money for ice cream/food/gift shops the kids might want.... then bring it with you and say no to extras (ie be the adult)
-im exhausted after working all week.... get over it that's just life with children
-MH etc.... again you're a parent you need to push through and not pass your issues on to children

I think people make excuses for one reason or another and then convince themselves theres no solution because it's a bit easier in the short term but the truth is you do need to invest in spending quality time with your children and expanding their experiences as much as possible, also do parents not enjoy doing this things with their children?

Not always the case though is it. You sound about as judgemental as the OP

THE most accurate response that could have been posted

I don't remember going out loads with my parents as a kid. Weekends were mostly about shopping, chores and seeing extended family. And spending hours and hours playing out on my bike or roller skates or playing video games. Certainly on high days and holidays we we'ren't sat indoors, but we weren't out much in the main school holidays as my parents were both working.

I'd go to an aunty's and play with my younger cousins or to my grandparents, where I'd find some kids to hang out with and play out, read, do some drawing, watch TV. I'd certainly get bored and the holidays seemed like forever, but I think a bit of boredom is a good thing. As an only child I was very good at entertaining myself, but DDs were also pretty good at entertaining themselves and IMO that unstructured time where they use their imagination, if anything is slightly more important than day trips and structured activity.

Yes I do.

I have kids round lots in the summer, I set up activities and involve them or they play together in the garden or indoors if the weather's bad. I make up plates of snacks and make sure they have drinks. DH sometimes takes boardgames to one of the neighbours and teaches the kids to play because they don't know any games. I've offered to take them to activities that are on in the local area. I volunteer with Rainbows and did Brownies for years before DD was born.

How old are they? My teens/tweens still like to get out for exercise/to burn energy. I’ve just spent 2 hours at the park playing football with 12 year old DD because she wanted someone to practise her penalties against!

They can’t be bothered, plain and simple! There are hundreds of free summer activities to go at if you can be bothered to look. I know, because I’ve tried most of them in our city. Some more simple, some more high brow. There is a lot there for the taking but you can’t make people want it or be interested in it!

By 12 mine were going to the park on their own with friends.

Mine does too. She’d played a football match this morning (plays for local academy) and was out with friends this afternoon, but still wanted me to take her out this evening.

My kids are just reeeeeaaaly chill. They'd have zero problem staying home all day pottering. Do they like to go out and do stuff too? Sure but they actively ASK to not go anywhere quite a lot!

They're 6 and 3

God. Can they come and have a word with my 2 tornadoes please? 😂

It’s multi faceted and complex, but broadly I agree with you. However, there are definitely some situations where it’s harder for people (lack of money, lack of resources, physical/mental illnesses or disabilities, location etc). And that’s where we should be supporting people and funding good quality, free, accessible options.

I will also say it massively depends on where you live. If you live rurally and have to drive to get anywhere that’s not just your garden, it is harder, especially if you don’t have the money for much fuel for a car, or can’t afford to run a car. Of course, there’s still lots you can do at home/outside but it’s harder.

It’s also hard when a trip might be free but others might have a different budget, it’s hard to say no if your friend’s kids are getting, say an ice cream on a day out and it’s just not in your budget.

We are lucky to live in London and have a vast range of experiences on our doorstep, and the funds to access them (even ‘free’ stuff comes with some cost eg train/tube fares). My toddler in the past week has:

Been to Hampton Court twice (we have a membership for the year) where he’s played in the fountains, sand and slide, had a lovely long walk around the grounds, seen shire horses, had a lovely picnic etc.

Had a local trip to feed the ducks, then read books we took with us to a cafe to sit and read with a cookie, we took a bubble wand with us and he spent ages playing with bubbles in the park.

Been to the Tower of London (membership is included in Hampton Court!) and on an uber boat.

Been to a soft play type thing.

As well as had some quieter days at home, playing in the garden (which we are so fortunate to have), watching TV yes, crafts, water play etc.

My two have had a busy summer, a week long residential camp doing out door activities, a weeks holiday with family, we’ve done days out with the dog, with extended family etc. I’ve had to work over the holidays so days out are interspersed with days at home while I work. I know when asked they’ll say they chilled at home, but that’s not the whole of it but it is the bit they’ll talk about.

I don't have the car, my husband uses it for work. I've never stayed in with the kids, it's no excuse we will get the bus and visit parks, museums, soft plays etc and big days out regularly when dads at home. I would feel so guilty if I stayed at home all day, I'm knackered sometimes but I do it for them. I know a few that stay home all day and their kids play up and whine. We are not well off by any means either but we want our kids to have the best childhood we can give them. I'm always looking for free events, local pond dipping sessions, park play! There's all sorts out there these days and children shouldn't miss out.

I take mine out....just not as often as she takes her kids out due to my work commitments. I'm a single parent so I don't have a partner there to take the kids out whilst I work. They go to the park with their older siblings whilst I work and I take them out on my days off unless the kids choose to stay home and chill with movies and games. Just today we've all gone out together for a couple of hours playing laser tag and having a meal out

My grand-daughter also, who told her teacher that her mother does not have a box for her craft. My daughter has a whole french dresser for only her craft. But ahhh, the teacher asked me only do I keep my craft in a box or do I display it around the living room. My daughter heard this and stood there, blushing.

Agree! So many reasons. And judging them isn't going to help

The irony of people saying it’s lazy and poor parenting when they’re advocating for entertaining children with round the clock activities so the little darlings don’t get ‘bored’. It’s actually good for children’s imagination, creativity, innovation skills, mental health and resilience to be bored sometimes and learn how to entertain themselves.

Ah then yes I do kind of judge you but who cares? People judge each other all the time about all kinds of things, I doubt you’ll change their routine because of some internet stranger. Do look up the child psychology though.

We used to live abroad. Only holiday activity for kids was the park. Which we did go to sometimes.

But our kids got bored and ( with some help) learned to make their own fun at home.

They are now adults with partners, jobs, own business, a child. Finding their own fun at home did not seem to harm them at all. In fact it seemed to foster creativity.

Play dates. (Lots and lots)
Paddling pool.
Lots of craft activities/projects and experiments.
Playing in the garden (trampoline, climbing frame , swing, making potions, collecting bugs/snails and a million other things).
Playing with her toys /dolls and lots of pretend play.
Make dens.
Watch tv shows/movies.
Bake/cook/make stuff.
”Helped” me sort shit out, the garden , the monica cupboards etc.

To be fair, I had(and still have) a kid that was happy to be at home , perfectly happy to entertain herself for ages and also perfectly happy to hang out/do stuff with me. I remember once she spent a whole hour cutting the grass with scissors(under supervision ),thinking it was the best thing ever! I suppose it’s hard to imagine if you have the complete opposite.