Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Well being in your teens is a bit different to being in reception and doing 5 hours of clubs a week. But also the pressure on teens educationally these days is bananas and I do worry about the additional strain of extra stuff. It just seems to have become the norm in a way that it just wasn’t when I was growing up. I know people think badly of teens drinking cider in the park etc but I really do think all that hanging around can actually do you a lot of good!

I suspect youre being purposefully disingenuous by saying you can't imagine why.

What did she mean then?

I also live in a small city with some things to do that are free byt in the poorer corners of town you are ...very unfairly... not walking distance from any of them and rhe bus is a lot.

I hate all this rhetoric oh go and feed the ducks. Life is exhausting snd stressful when you are skint and kids will start to get bored of the utter shit level of most parks and playgrounds

We should have free holiday schemes in every neighbourhood. It would save literally millions in public health costs of child obesity and poor mental health.

My sister says similar about me come the school holidays she's always slyly slating me off saying I never do owt with my kids during school holidays. What she forgets is that whilst she has all the time during these holidays to take her kids on lots of days out and camping holidays I dont-i actually have a job to go to in order to provide for my kids whereas she doesn't work. She always slags other parents off that don't do as much as she does whilst forgetting that in some cases some don't have as much free time as she does. I'd love to be out all the time but then when I've worked a long shift the last thing I want to do is come home to sod off to a park for hours on end afterwards. It's not always down to lazy parenting

What everyone else said. I personally LOVE days at home but with my kids it's a 2x a day outing to somewhere, anywhere, or they get on my nerves. Local playgrounds. The supermarket. Berry picking. Water fights in the garden. A playdate. We also do pricier things but tbh it's no more or less enjoyable for them.

A friend has what always seemed an unusual setup - they don't seem to socialise much outside their family, and every weekend is spend on their allotment. They bring sandwiches and a thermos of tea from home. Doesn't sound like fun to me but they seem to love it. So even discounting the many issues that can lead to what OP is describing - some people are not very social, but happy.

I find it harder to parent at home all day. We are lucky that there is a small woods and park nearby which is always a good go to. This summer is a bit trickier than usual as am having chemotherapy, but have managed small trips in between treatments and bought a load of craft kits and garden toys like badminton etc to keep everyone occupied.

The point being that they also did that amount of extra curricular activities in reception, because they wanted to, and have continued them because they want to.
Yes it’s definitely not for everyone. My 6 year old absolutely couldn’t cope with that amount of extra curricular activity. My older kids thrive on it.
But judging people for allowing their kids to do the hobbies they’ve actively chosen to do is just as bad as judging people for not taking their kids out.

I judge people who don’t make an effort

yes I’ve always took other peoples kids out with mine,

no I’m not well off

Yes I volunteer at a youth group so other peoples kids have opportunities

I have a toddler so I find it impossible to say at home I have to get out. Maybe I am too the other way as everyday seems to have some sort of activity but this is often free events like bookbug or local events for kids which are easier to attend with younger children.
We also attend a class of some variation 3 days a week. parks, walks, shopping, soft play all fill up our day too.
For those that do stay at home how do you do it? What do you do all day?

I’m assuming an adult without any issues/illness who genuinely can’t be bothered to enrich their child’s life.

Very few posts would be “Neighbour has cancer and doesn’t take her children out during holidays”

We’d quite rightly object to her point.

My DS spent most of the summer holidays playing out with the neighbours kids.

Would you possibly be a bit fitter and less tired if you got out more?
I put DD in the pushchair and we just go for a walk. Doesn't cost anything. She gets to see some horses and cows and run along the path. We might stop at the playground.
I'm mid forties, single parent with two kids and a full time job. I tend to go stir crazy when I'm cooped up in the house for too long.

The distorted thinking on this thread. There is the saying you should allow kids to be bored and explore nature around your home and make their own games and start using their creative imagination. Why do you need all to make it about going to places, forced socialising and being bitchy about it on what's apps

My stepdaughter did way more, in fact it was around 10-12 hrs of activities weekly from Y1 onwards and I did worry it was too much.

Guess what, she still does most of them, is happy, confident, healthy and active, heading for great GCSE grades and has big plans for her future.

So you keep your kids at home if you like (and pretend they are "getting bored and building creativity" rather than zoning out on a screen) but I'll let mine do what makes her happy.

Can’t you do both? We go out, and they have time to stay at home and be creative/use their imaginations. There are quite a lot of hours in a day!

Fair comment. Hopefully that is what OP meant.

And you still haven’t addressed the physical and mental health, transport/location, ability, and other issues posters have raised.

Or, answered the question of your interaction and understanding of ‘these families’.

I frequently invite other parent friends to join us for days out, mine are 4 and 7 and I'm 42 but many parents aren't up for it. My eldest is neurodivergent (not overly comfortable with this term but still on pathways and a bit complex) so has stopped a lot of activities through anxiety of late. Still does swimming and gymnastics and we go to parks, trampoline parks and softplay most weekends. Museums are a bit of a nightmare for him, gets overstimulated. Loves the cinema. It is expensive taking them out and eldest takes a lot of managing. 4 yr old is largely mellow but loves a class, does gymnastics and ballet and about to start musical theatre classes, all at her insistence. I do think most parents are responding to their child's needs when they make these decisions though as some kids do wells scheduled up to the eyeballs and some kids need a lot of down time. Some needs lots of classes like my youngest and some need safe walls to bounce off like my eldest. I imagine some need lots of quiet time at home reading and drawing etc

We do a lot with our dc while working full time so it's hard work. I think it must be very tough for shift workers and non flexible contracts.

My parents didn't do much with us though and I have plenty of memories of summer. Mainly exploring places on my own or stretching the boundaries of where I could go without being found out! I really feel for the current generation of children (including my own) that everything has to be so facilitated.

For those that do stay at home how do you do it? What do you do all day?

I also want to know this. I think it’s more impressive not throwing money at the problem (even if it’s just the cost of a bus fair) and being able to regularly stay at home all day. My 5 year old can now manage an afternoon at home entertaining himself if he has been out in the morning, but in many ways it’s more costly as he likes things like Lego. While we get a lot second hand it’s not free, that’s for sure. My 2 year old really needs to be exercised twice a day or he is feral. Keeping him at home for an afternoon so my 5 year old can play has me counting down the seconds from about 3pm…

I personally don't see the issue with this, unless they're annoying people.

Because some people just don’t make very good parents. Thats about the long and short of it sometimes:

i don't like taking my out because they argue ! It's embarrassing and stressful. Id rather they see friends seperate. When they were younger In used to love going for a walk in the woods but it was a long time ago.

Poverty will likely pay a huge part in it, especially if you don't have things local to get to. Bikes cost money, as does public transport to parks and libraries.

Struggling with children with SEN and/or other disabilities who may be easier at home or simply not able to cope in public areas could be a big reason too.