Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

you do you boo but don’t judge others

and that’s the problem with the world now

I agree.

I live in a reasonable sized village now and the library is 8 miles away. It’s only open part time hours through the week and it’s closed on a Saturday and Sunday.

Sure, maybe in other areas.

In my area, it's laziness, plain and simple. The library is no further than a 10 minute walk from anyone in the village and yet parents still don't manage it.

I know you're getting tarred and feathered on here and I agree there are many valid reasons why people don't take their children out, but I have two very close family members w lots of money who do virtually nothing w their kids bc they "can't." They have extraordinarily low levels of patience with their two kids and treat every whimper (or even a little baby coo) like a full-blown tantrum and it ruins their day. They just can't stand it so they don't take their children to restaurants or the park, they flake on family obligations last-minute, refuse to travel, and have ceased to have any sort of adult life or normal social life. (They also both work from home so they are very isolated.) They moan constantly about how they "can't" do anything bc of the kids and how limited their life is even though they have a FT nanny and a night nurse. (Fortunately, the nanny does take the kids on little outings so at least they are getting out occasionally.) So most families are probably trying their best w limited emotional and/or financial resources. But there are people out there who don't find any joy in parenting and refuse to add any unpredictability to their routine. In this case, both parents were extraordinarily spoiled growing up and never needed to be patient or kind to get what they want. I think they weren't prepared for the demands of parenting and are hoping/waiting things will get easier when the kids are older but I really don't know what will happen. It's been sad to watch.

When my son was little I would take him to the park and to a coffee shop once a week, which he enjoyed. We rarely went to the beach as it was hard to get there without a car. We could have went to a museum having direct bus route to the city but I didn't know about things like that being free, if they even were in those days. I certainly do remember one trip to that costing a not small amount of money. He played out with his friends from an early age, at first in the flat gardens with neighbour kids and then the street as he got older.

Are you sure the kids saying they’d done nothing actually hadn’t done anything? Our summer has passed in a whirlwind. 6 weeks over and back to school on Wednesday. I bet my DC when asked will tell their teachers they did nothing or they don’t know as they won’t know where to start. The main significant things were near the beginning/middle of the holidays followed by almost constant little things. As school staff too dc will often say nothing then parents will tell you a very different account 😆

I hear you OP. My DDs were always active. Lots of clubs, we also Home Educated so a lot of museums and galleries and meet ups. I moved to rural Ireland in 2016 and it was totally different. Very few parents plan things with their children … If they’re off school, it’s simply downtime. Horses for courses.

Why do you feel the need to comment on other people, it seems very judgmental and mean

‘I met a little boy Friday who said he'd just "chilled out" and played his tablet all summer and it made me so sad.’

There was someone on here the other day who was bemoaning the fact that their child said this despite going on an amazing holiday and having loads of new experiences.

That little boy may well have had a busy summer, he may well have played on his tablet that day but not the previous days. My grandson would say something like this, even if he'd had an activity 6 out of 7 days.

Perhaps, in your work, you'll learn to see the bigger picture. Try not to compare other people's lives with your own. You are privileged compared to some people. A little compassion will help you and others.

Im working from home 3 days a week over the holidays and my husband 1 day a week. The 5th day my DS is with his grandma. Due to work we cannot go out apart from an hour at lunchtime for a walk if work isnt busy. My DS has to stay in a find indoor activities to do each day. We don't have a choice 5 days a week.

It makes me quite sad to think that you’re judging people for not going out every single day. Not everyone is able to.
Ive not been able to get my 2 dc out everyday or do trips as such, my eldest who is 15 has challenging behaviour which has become increasingly more challenging these last couple months. I have totally lost my confidence in being able to manage her behaviour when out & about. It’s a horrible feeling having other people stare at you & judge you for not being able to manage your child, despite trying my hardest.

I really struggle hearing about how families with these easy children have incredible summer holidays, and always out doing something fun. When I’m at home unable to even think about doing those things.

We’ve managed some quiet walks. My eldest has had a couple days at a school club for sen, so I was able to do things with my youngest on those days.

Considering you say you come into contact with children/families through your work, I would have thought you would have been a lot more understanding & not judging other families.
I too work with children & see how hard it is for other families to get out & about. Sometimes getting their child into the car to drive to a family members house is a massive thing & something for the family to feel great about.

So yes you are being very unreasonable to think like that.

Not every area has community events, and they may not be easy to get to even if they do. Lack of transport can be a huge factor.

I agree. I always used to take mine to the park and out with family. I worked pt when they were young but always tried to do stuff with them!

They’re teens now but we still do stuff. Eldest does a lot with friends and goes to the gym etc.

We’ve just got back from a long haul two week holiday Thursday, and we’ve not been far since. Have loved watching tv, chilling and reading while getting over the jet lag, but already getting bored…!

Just can’t imagine being in all Summer. It’s not all to do with money. When they were younger I didn’t have much, but still did stuff!

Crikey there are so many possible reasons. Two that I think are more prevalent nowadays are:

1. Cost of living/high rent meaning parents are worked off their feet and just want to relax and enjoy the company of family.
2. People feeling the only holidays worth having are ones where you leave the country....this exacerbates No1 and kind of acts like an excuse for the other 50 weeks "we took you to..... you should be grateful '.

Personally if money is tight I'd rather stay at home and have day trips.

Obviously there's other reasons but I think they have been around a lot longer than the above.

Wow.

You are incredibly narrow minded.

Or that all older children would be excited over visiting a library. In my experience the fun free activities are all for toddlers.

When mine was young, and for most of his childhood, after rent and bills and travel to work and school and childcare was paid, there was often just 14 a week left for food. clothes treats outings. We were lucky in that lived rural had a large garden and the local freecycle was full of wealthier families discarded things like tents, pools etc so I got what i could and we played a lot in the garden. a simple bus trip to the nearest "free"museum ( it had a small section that was free, and extra more interesting exhibits that it charged for ) would cost almost the 14 we had for everything else, so trips out didn't happen that often, I tried and did the best I could but family fun is NOT a mumsnet chicken, I could not and cannot make money stretch further than I did/do. The roads are not paved and cars drive way too fats so not safe to walk too far and there is no public land allowed to be walked on, the farmers do not like anyone on their property. I was often judged by teachers and other parents, vocally in some cases, but what on eartth was I to do? I prioritised roof over head, food in belly best I could. Oh and the public library? is in a van and arrives once
per month on a tues lol

These things can be generational too. If their parents felt like there is nothing to do…they might have passed it down.

Also, the things you mentioned are fun but if they don’t have “proper shoes, appropriate clothes, no additional toys to bring to park, not enough extra energy as not eating properly, no money for ice cream van, not being used to museum and so do it in 5sec then what?no bikes, no picnic food…etc.”
It is hard to see all you are missing out and maintain some self love.

Easier to stay in and not see it. Maybe?

I used to work with families like this. I once worked in an area that is relatively close to a seaside resort that was easily and cheaply accessible by public transport. Lots of the children had never been to the beach until taken on a school trip. In this area the council built a park on the estate. It was great, lots of swings and stuff for kids of all ages to play on. It was hardly used. I couldn’t understand why some of them wouldn’t walk a short way to get themselves and their child out of the house for a few hours (parents didn’t work) each day. My conclusion was it was laziness.

I have 2 kids with hubby and take the kids out as often as I can. Even if it’s just the park just to get some fresh air as often as I can and that’s because my mom never ever took me anywhere as a child and also it saves the house getting messy 🙈

Looking back I do feel as if my mom did have some sort of depression and we were always cooped up in the house so I feel like I have gone the opposite way with mine.

First of all it’s quite judgey - could be all sorts of reasons. Living in a more rural area with less to do, perhaps not having a car so being more limited in travel, also mental health issues, chronic illnesses, pain, not living in a safe area (play parks used by druggies/alcoholics) etc. I didn’t have lots of outings as a child and think being at home was good for me. I learned to manage my own boredom and find my own things to do. I think there is an expectation nowadays to be constantly out and about doing which doesn’t seem healthy to me. I’m a bit surprised by some other judgemental posts.

It’s about balance. Some days out and about exploring and getting fresh air - as you say, need not be expensive. But it’s important children do have days at home too engaging in independent play, playing in the garden, arts and crafts, board games etc.

When my four children were small we usually went to a family holiday home at the seaside for most of the summer. Yes, we did stay at home (of a sort) but we also went to the beach most days and they played in the garden or with games inside. Sometimes we went shopping for food in the town or went out for the day, but most of the time they were happy playing.
In the other holidays we did sometimes go out, but normally stayed at our own home and they played inside, played games, or out in the garden. Maybe they did sometimes get a bit bored, if so we went out to the playground, or went shopping for clothes, food and things we needed or sometimes out for lunch - though this is obviously more expensive. Family days out were usually at the weekend when DH was around and were not that frequent.
My DD and DIL spend a fortune sending the GC to summer clubs some weeks, or taking them out some days, they both have good jobs but it is very expensive. We didn't have the option of summer clubs nor the cash to take them out that much.

I always have packed lunch boxes with me for the kids and myself as really struggling to find a cafe with healthy food for us. I can afford and would love to eat out every time we’re out Which is most days but instead I carry a massive bag with food. Nothing embarrassing about having food with you. The cafes should be embarrassed about the food choices they have for children. We live in an area with plenty of free activities for children but I know people who never go out including some members of my family. I feel so sad for the children

YABU. I find this post a little judgemental in the light of the ongoing cost of living crisis.
Many families have had to sacrifice their annual holiday this year or compromise with a long weekend away instead.
That said, our local council recognises this and have made efforts to lay on some cost free children's activities which have been well advertised locally. I've not known the council do this on this scale before so I believe this is a sign of the times.