Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Exactly
So many of these replies are about the obvious limitations eg single parent, working, neurodiversity, disability. I dont think many would argue with those issues. Age obviously also a factor eg teenagers

But in general:
One day at home slothing , devices whatever

One day somewhere local like the playground, library events etc

One day meet up at friends house. No devices allowed. Just play! Alternate houses ideally

One day somewhere further away as a day out either relatively free or paid for depending on budget

One day probably doing chores eg getting new uniform, sorting bedrooms
One day visiting relatives if close enough
Etc
Is not out of reach for most people...

But… why?

I found it much easier taking my children on days out when they were younger and fairly easily entertained. They are now 11 and 13, into completely different things and quite franky difficult to please! We went to a National Trust place this week and the journey there took longer than 5 minutes. It was too hot, too much walking, too many evil wasps, too many people etc! The only parts they really enjoyed were ice creams and the gift shop!

It has become really difficult to find enough things to do with them now too, they're too old for soft play and farm parks, they like the Aquarium but don't want to go every week! We've been to the museum more than once, nothing new to see there! Another problem is how many attractions near us have now permanently closed.

We are planning on a trip to the cinema next week, after that I'm a bit stumped to be honest!

I think it depends. My daughters didn’t want to go anywhere during one half term, just wanted time to relax at home and play with their toys. My daughters have lots of hobbies and activities during term time, violin, additional music on Saturdays, brownies/guides/ ballet/modern and tap so sometimes they just want to relax with friends at home.

We have been to Florida in July for around 10 days but again the kids just want to relax at home (we have been back nearly 2 weeks). We do have NT membership, and historic palaces and we do use them but don’t always feel the need to be out and about. I know when I need to recharge my batteries staying at home relaxing is what helps me.

Most people live that way. Stop the mentoring brigade. Nobody is going tell others how to live on here.

It is if you’re working. Kids are either at some kind of childcare or old enough to amuse themselves at home. Most people don’t have 7 weeks in summer to take off work and do a daily round of stuff.

By the time you exclude working parents, kids and parents with disabilities, single parents, parents on a very tight budget how many do you think are honestly sitting at home all day every day.

Yes. The continental way is still the old fashioned way.

Are you within reach of coast? Mine are 14/16 now and very little in common but waterparks and beaches with body boards is always a winner with both and one if the v few things they'll enjoy together without requiring me to be in with them or refereeing.

You've already, as predicted, got a lot of people trooping up to say "kids just need more down time" (which is the fashionable riposte at the moment) but I agree with you OP.

It doesn't have to involve endless expensive days out to theme parks or holidays, but I do judge people who never take their kids out of the house. It shows a staggering selfishness and lack of imagination.

If children never develop confidence around these activities they will never have the confidence to do them as adults. So much of being a successful, mentally well-adjusted adult is to do with having experiences and memories and to develop confidence and resilience about trying new things. If people are never encouraged to do anything other than watch TV and look at their phones, where is this going to come from?

A lot of activities are free or very low cost. And while chronic illness and depression are understandable justifications, neither is made worse by getting some fresh air and a change of scene.

It's a goady thread as others have said, working with people you should know.

I think it's ok to judge bad parenting and not doing anything is bad parenting.

I used to take DS out, his grandparents would take him out - we'd visit family, go to the park, walk into town, go to the museum, a walk in the woods... To be honest we didn't take him to as many places as I'd have liked, but we did go out.

Getting him to agree to leave the house atm is nigh on impossible. We've managed to get him out for one day to visit family, and that didn't end particularly well. He's autistic and everything is just wrong for him at the moment. Of course this means that DH and I are pretty much stuck at home as well.

You are allowed to say no. Children don't get to have every single thing they want just because they want it or because their friends are doing it. I would drop the one she's going to just because her friends go.

I don't understand the point of your post.This is a post about parents who do nothing with their children.Because they probably can't afford it

It's just bragging to jump on and say your daughter does four activities a week and soon to be five. What was the point of you saying that when this thread is about parents that can't afford activities.

You point out that you don't live in a poor area.So why did you post? You are not the demographic this post was aimed at.

you came on just to brag, didn't you

No, I'm saying I agree with OP and that most children thrive on being busy at least some of the time. Many of the activities she does are in walking distance or even at school. She enjoys them all and I couldn't care less if other people think she should be doing them or not. Not every kid is going to want to do as much, some are going to want to do more, but I know several kids who definitely would enjoy some of these opportunities and aren't being given them.

Whether it's term time or holidays, not allowing your kids to have a life beyond school and the 4 walls of your home is selfish and lazy. There are obviously exceptions, but I know many parents who aren't ill, or poor, or have multiple disabled kids, they just cba.

I don't believe for a minute it's lack of money for most people. The library is free. Guiding and Scouting is £3 a session and for most people, a short walk away to the nearest troop.

And your logic is ridiculous. Imagine if we applied that to adults.

"Dave, you should stop going to football on Saturdays with your friends."
"Why?"
"Because part of what you enjoy about it is the company of your friends, so it's a waste of your time. Go and do something your friends hate instead."

"Tracey, why are you wasting so much time getting fit by going on walks with Jennifer? Both of you could go on walks separately. You don't have to always go for walks at the same time as Jennifer."

😂

I have some neighbours who are like this. Married couple,early 30s,3 kids aged about 9,7 and 3. They have a car,mother drives,not sure about the dad. But I never,ever,see them going out or coming home from anything except shopping trips. All summer holiday,whenever I pass their front door (which I do on a nearly daily basis) I can hear the kids. Obviously, being a block of flats ,we don't have gardens,only a small balcony,but I never see them on that either. I must admit I have wondered quite frequently how they can bear being cooped up all day long in a small 2 bedroom flat.

Our local library has closed. We don't have a local guide or scout troop either. Our community centre that used to run a fantastic summer play scheme closed years ago.

Your not believing it's lack of money shows you live in a privileged bubble.

Some of it in part is down to mid-older teens not wanting to do anything with parent. Mine stay in bed until 2pm then they head out with their friends until 11/12.00 so I’ve chosen to just let them get on with it. The few times we’ve done something special like days at the beach or at a festival they’ve fucked it up spectacularly and have just headed off to town with their mates without telling us group of parents who arranged the days out together so they kids would have their friends with them. I’m also exhausted and frankly cba to arrange anything any more as there’s no appreciation.

I 🤔 because these parents probably had a childhood where they were never taken anywhere either. Poverty isn't just about money, but about lack of confidence, life experiences etc. I have a friend on the Isle of Wight who told me that parents she works with had NEVER been off the island. And some of them, despite living near beautiful beaches had NEVER taken their toddlers down to the seaside!

coming from a seaside place, we as children NEVER went on holiday, mainly because my parents had had enough of holidaymakers. foreign holidays were expensive (when you don’t do package holidays and only do “cultural”). We would have loved to go to Benidorm or somewhere as kids. Throughout the year though, every weekend we went somewhere of interest, whether castles or stately homes. We always had friends come along (whose parents did do package holidays) but who didn’t do outings. Swings and roundabouts I suppose.

This! My little one chose to write about banging her head falling out of bed as her big summer event. We’d been on holiday both in the UK and abroad and umpteen days out 😭

Wow! Nasty comment imho … lots of people have cancer … the poor poster is just providing a reason. Please be kind!

Libraries are free. The bus fare to get there isn't.

There is the opposite to this where children literally never spend anytime in their own home and are constantly on the go 24/7. I think a bit of balance is the ideal which can be hard to get right.

Some people on this thread seem to think there's a library on every street corner.