Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

I literally wouldn’t even let this cross my mind let alone think to write a post about it. It’s none of my business, in the same way over scheduling and constantly having to be out of the house doesn’t strike me as any of my business. There will be as many reasons for why families are the way they are as there are families. He got you loads of engagement though.

I’m so sick of when people are told not to judge as if everyone doesn’t judge! EVERYONE judges get over it. When you have a brain that’s what you do you think!

Not really. I read books and watch movies and today me and my daughter watched the tortoise eat a raspberry whilst we just chatted nonsense. I didn’t judge anyone the whole time and I am pretty sure I didn’t switch my brain off. You’d be surprised how easily you sleep and how peaceful your life is if you stop worrying what other people are up to 😆

Of course it isn't embarrassing when you are actively making a choice and can afford a massive bag of food. It's a bit different if you have no choice, can only afford a very basic lunch box and then your children end up disappointed because you have to say no to extras like ice creams and watch every other child have one.

Perhaps doing stuff might encourage kids to want more and have broader horizons but in certain circumstances will inevitably set them up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction and disappointment when they can't all escape their environment due to limited access for advancement?

How does judging in this scenario help? What does it change?

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I’m out and about all the time now but when my twins were born I had bad post natal anxiety and couldn’t leave the house for about 18 months without being convinced my kids would die. So there’s that.

I'll be realistic. Normally we do all sorts through the summer. Days out etc. But my son is 12 now and hitting a very solitary teenage stage. Before he even broke up he asked if we could spend more time at home through the holidays. He says he doesn't want days out. He wants to hang around with his mates, go out on his bike (me and hubby are disabled so not a joint hobby) and has chosen to revamp his room. He's currently enjoying a clean rout before HE paints. That's what he chose for the holidays and I'm quite happy to let him make his own decisions. He's done the odd gardening project too with me. But when I have asked dif he wants a day out he doesn't. He wants quality time at home.

I think it’s important to put it out there that kids need to be active and outdoors from time to time.
Everyone who is able, should be active.
Judging is not for shaming but for saying “you need to prioritise activity and being outdoors for your child regularly”
There are so many parents who never prioritise their kids just because they don’t. I’m sure those are the families op is referring to.

It’s difficult for some I guess 🤔 I used to feel under pressure to take my 3 children out and be doing some organised activity every day 😩 .
However they seemed to be perfectly happy at home some days , other days we would just walk to the park ( and to be fair we would choose a treat or a kids magazine from the shop on the way home so that does cost £ )
Also just doing the weekly shop they’d get to choose things they liked and contribute ideas for dinner .
We went to the library sometimes , hung out there for a while and borrowed books .
We would walk our dog , chat and point things out on the walk .
Do drawing , crafts or cooking at home , maybe some “ help “ with gardening or they’d set up a den in the garden , create songs , sing them , put on a performance for me 🤣

Maybe it's different with multiple children who can play together but with my one, I find it so much easier to take him out over staying at home.

OP never came back to clarify anything. It's also very easy to judge from the outside or suggest ''free'' things that aren't actually free (since when are bikes free?).

Indeed!

My only rule when younger was “make sure you are back for your tea”

My granddaughter lives with us for half of the week she starts full time school in September.
We always go to the park take a picnic and bats and balls it does cost money though for ice creams maybe parents dont have this money spare.
We do visit the farm which is free to walk around but we still drive there buy drinks bits Bob's when there aswell money again so you shouldn't judge.
I do agree they should be outside in the fresh air around other kids and people but again you dont judge try and educate if you work with families.

I really cannot relate here I am a non- judgmental person I just go about my day to day life not really doing that

I think judging in the negative is a waste of energy. You can judge in the sense that you wouldn’t do that yourself but still have compassion for the fact that the person you’re judging is incapable for their own reasons of making the same life choices as you.!

Is this a serious question? Because if you work with families, you should definitely understand the answer…and it’s often far more complex than a simple ‘can’t be bothered’, as you seem to be implying.
For the record, my husband grew up with parents who worked full time and did very little with him. He actually learnt to be very resourceful and independent from a young age, and sometimes I wonder if today’s obsession of filling every moment of our childs’ lives can be detrimental to their natural curiosity and development.

Indeed!

My only rule when younger was “make sure you are back for your tea”

There are lots of valid reasons but there are lots of people who are just lazy.

I also think a lot of parents need to practice saying no -regardless of how much the kids act up . If they want ice creams -tell them they can have a lolly from the freezer when they get home or keep ice cream in and let them make cones

Not that Id want to do this everyday. But I do think one experience kids lack sometimes these days and need is boredom, some days where they have to figure out their own entertainment in their room or the garden or around the house, or with their little friends from next door teaches creativity and helps them learn patience. So I think it can be a good experience too

If they have no money, I'll bet they are very used to saying no which is why it is so exhausting and sometimes they will just avoid going somewhere that they will have to say no yet again.

As an au pair I worked for a family once a little like this. They were both partners in prestigious firms and the mother especially would often be gone from about 7 in the morning till 10 or 11 at night. I felt so sorry for the kids sometimes having to go to bed without even seeing her and asking for mummy. When they did have them they would act a little annoyed with them if they behaved like, you know, children. Very sad and I wondered why they had kids

I agree it's so sad and lazy! There are so many free activities available, also going to the local park with a packed sandwich to turn into a picnic is so easy.

I have seen this also in my line of work; the kids who go home and just sit in their rooms all night, same at weekends.

No rules, no boundaries, no fresh air or exercise. Just sit and fester at home, even with toddlers. The thing is if this is the parent's personality, it will unlikely change no matyer when they have whatever number of kids.

Schools have parenting sessions to help but rarely do things change. It really is about intelligence and attitude. Of course there will be those who have disabilities and there are so many agencies to support, with collecting in a bus and taking out, returning home.

Like you, I've seen it so often with my own eyes, and my own in laws, that they would rather sleep late, stay at home in PJs, get takeaway deliveries, same cycle continues with generations.

This is nothing to do with intelligence.