Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Absolutely agree, my in laws are very lazy, incurious, can’t put up with any stress, even a baby crying or fussing a little is too much for them so they’ll cancel plans rather than problem solve. They have no hobbies and if they did, their kids would never be involved in them. Reading a book to them, never, putting tv on all day, of course! My family are similar, luckily DH and I got out of our lazy hometown.

I doubt the parents OP is talking about engage in such activities at home, lazy and unbothered usually means lazy and unbothered inside.

Days out do not have to be expensive. We discovered geocaching during lockdown when everything was closed and you couldn't have days out. The basic app is free, you can upgrade to premium to get more caches at £30 for the year. Yes you might have to drive somewhere and pay for petrol but unless you live literally in the middle of nowhere there will be geocaches within walking distance of your house.

I lived literally in the middle of nowhere. The nearest geocache was almost 5 miles away 🤣🤣🤣 (there might be more now but we did have a look during lockdown)

I think if you work with families and yet don't have an answer to your own question - maybe you don't really get to know the families all that well? As surely you'd know like 'oh that family has a child with SEN and neither parent drives so its a real challenge to leave the house' or 'the mum in that family has agoraphobia'. It's not difficult to think of reasons.

And actually, based on my own academic research background into child development - as a country, we are totally shit at providing children with safe opportunities for age appropriate play with other children in their community which is not having to be (closely) supervised by their parents. Other European countries and Asian countries are better at this, and children develop more independence at a much earlier age. So I wouldn't be feeling all superior if you're constantly organising your child's timetable to be packed with adult-led activities - it's probably not all that beneficial compared to a day of unfettered play with peers their own age.

National trust and fruit picking cost money, unless it's blackberry picking, but other things don't,
A neighbour took her kids out and then complained because they asked for so much, some parents don't know how to say no
I always took my dc out. we had a zoo membership, and a dog so an excuse to go out but not everyone does
I hated staying at home though

Wait till you get to the teenage years when your kids would rather eat their arm than be seen out with mum and dad. What do you do then? They sleep til lunch and are very happy in their own company. Mine is coming up 14 and all that interests her is seeing her friends at home and yes chilling! I have offered so many things to do to get out but they aren't fussed. Does this make me a crap.lazy parent? No it doesnt. The kids work hard, are up early and are busy with school all year, mine loves downtime to relax. She adores these long holidays to simply do nothing with no pressure. No one is depressed here. Money is not an issue here. Transport is not an issue here. It is ok to just be. It is ok to be settled at home doing your own thing. I took her on holiday in July with a friend of hers they were done by day 5 and ready for home. Shes had her nails done and hair done cos she wanted something crazy for summer that was 200£ x 2 as I now need to pay to have it undone next week or so to get ready for back to school, she has been to see Tate Macrea and Lana del Ray on the other side of the country to where we live and ask her what she wants to do and you get nothing mum I am fine. I refuse to be labeled as lazy as a parent when they do not want to step foot out of the door every 10 mins. Its not a competition leave the parents alone and leave the kids alone with your judgements. Its not about money here, the hundreds I have spent this summer matter not a jot to my dd or me its about being healthy mentally , calm and relaxed with no pressure and that is worth far more than sitting somewhere with a soggy sandwhich stressed out cos theres no where to park and wishing above anything that you were at home!!

Well if we go away we obviously miss the club, it's not court mandated. Swimming is in the morning and we have the rest of Saturday to do whatever we want though and Sundays are boring anyway.

I think you have cracked it on the head for ‘some’ parents - more than they would like to admit - I’m not a baking, crafts, building tents kind of mum- I admit it . However I don’t drive either, so it was a mish mash - of home, odd trips out and holidays abroad -and I think age comes into it too - beyond 13 my son wouldn’t have wanted endless days out with parents .

I think you have cracked it on the head for ‘some’ parents - more than they would like to admit - I’m not a baking, crafts, building tents kind of mum- I admit it . However I don’t drive either, so it was a mish mash - of home, odd trips out and holidays abroad -and I think age comes into it too - beyond 13 my son wouldn’t have wanted endless days out with parents .

Mine are older

Unless it involves food they are not interested, sometimes a cinema visit or movie night, which saddens me. I cheer myself up with giving lifts which is when they chat. Occasional shopping with DD but she prefers to go with her friends for the small bits n pieces.

I miss finding the craft classes/events at the library, discounted tickets etc….

@Shakeyourbaublesandsmile yep

You mention NT, not aiming my post at you specifically but for anyone considering visiting. Membership can work out relatively cheap if you make use of it and have a few on your doorstep. I've got three within half an hour drive and another 6 within an hours drive. I think my family membership is £13 a month. I worked it out that we only had to use it approx 6 times a year to make the membership worth it. We did a full day each at two of our nearest ones at the beginning of the summer holidays so I think that would have been close to £50/60 without membership. A day out bowling or to the cinema would have been close to that for just one day. They do tons of stuff in the school holidays and most have massive grounds so you don't even need to do the indoor bits. Also works well when your kids are younger, mine are 4&6, if one is having an off day you aren't miffed so much about coming home after two hours when you can return visit as often as you like without paying anything extra.

We also use NT as our stopping point on long journeys, it's much better for the kids to run around at than a motorway service station.

Exactly. My children (nearly 8) have school 9–5 every day so at the weekends and holidays I want them to have unscheduled time at home. I don’t think it’s healthy to need constant stimulation. Usually one of them suggests going to practice basketball or pressing flowers or whatever so we leave the house frequently, but only after they do their own thing for a while. (They don’t have screens or watch TV, before anyone jumps to conclusions.)

in my case, lack of funds, disability (mine and theirs.. i'm physically/mobility disabled/high pain, the oldest is AuDHD), and them not being interested because they're teenagers.

Keep your judgement to yourselves.

I did used to take them out when i was more mobile, but getting DS out the house took hostage negotiating skills and military level planning.. it was not fun.

The projections in this thread are wild and this really isn’t the place for dissecting this topic honestly.
The conversations about financial/health/safety/access barriers are absolutely correct but that there are zero solutions for some of these are not, and it’s frustrating the work of vulnerable communities in creating opportunities and work for creative engagement gets ignored in these debates.

*Duplicate

But I don’t engage in these activities. My children do when at home- its not stuff I have to do. Although there’s nothing lazy about getting them to tidy up. I think it’s ridiculously judgey to call parents who don’t take their kids out every day shockingly lazy, and it’s also a very narrow view of childhood. Some level of staying at home being bored is good for kids, and there’s zero recognition of that from many posters on this thread, which is a sad reflection on what’s wrong with modern childhood.

I loved being outside with mine. We collected bikes which I had to learn how to change a tyre on and fix bike seats to for the baby then eventually we progressed to a tagalong. We literally cycled miles or drove to forests and cycled through them. Saw our first Hare who was huge, one of the kids tumbled down over her handle bars it was all in the ride but I lost my temper with DH for telling her to brake hard. Swimming /walks, cycling football and rugby games all those lovely cycle lanes. Donkey and horse rides and endless snow play down all our northern hills and parks. Loved all that. Loved all the art sessions too.

I grew up in a household that never did anything (summer holidays consisted of staying indoors with no activities planned/few toys and occasional trips to the supermarket). I was looking forward to many day trips and holidays with my child, but DC ended up having significant additional needs. We go out everyday but it’s usually very limited time before I end up having to carry home a screaming overwhelmed child. Or I’m busy at home repairing the damage to my house caused by DCs meltdowns…

We don't stay at home every day (and my 3.5 year old is in nursery in the mornings anyway). Currently we're staying in more often than usual in the afternoons because I'm 32 weeks pregnant, have zero energy after work and it's far too hot where I am. Also half the time I suggest going out and she says no, she wants to do something else. What do we do? Painting. Drawing. Sticking - she likes to make "rippy pictures" or just stick a million stickers on. Play Doh. Jigsaws. Read stories (she will regularly bring me 3-4 books in a row shouting "read it!", the record so far was 10). Board/card games e.g. memory. Have a tea party with her tea set - just us or with her stuffed toys. Build with Lego or her building blocks. Play with her dolls - she can spend 20-30 minutes changing their nappies! Play with a ball (rolling it between us, no throwing indoors). Today she wanted to play with her trains but that doesn't keep her occupied for long. In some ways it's more exhausting doing stuff indoors because I'm constantly having to clear up one activity and get the next out but at least I can sit down for most of them and not have to lift her in and out of swings, push her on said swing and spend the next few days cleaning up sand from every corner of my home! (She gets TV while I'm cooking dinner to keep her out of mischief, but sometimes she wants to help with dinner).

I think kids benefit hugely from unstructured time running around and mingling with other random kids at play areas whilst parents are hands off and stand back. Its free, its exercise, they are learning socially. Doesn't have to be big organised days out. So many of these replies are about what the parent likes doing with their kid.

Of course it’s about luck. Luck you don’t have one of the zillion health conditions that stop you from driving. Luck you are in a job that allows you to save. That doesn’t mean people don’t work for it too but it’s pig headed to pretend luck doesn’t play a large part in everyone’s personal circumstances.

Lots of people have neurodiverse families that like to be at home. If they are happy then who cares?

You say they’re “free”. But bus to get there costs money etc. So does any drinks, ice creams etc and parents may feel an expectation if their kid asks for one