Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Kids need to relax, read books, play games, bounce on the trampoline, play in the sandpit, jump around on the swing and climbing frame, play with their toys and ours can do all these things at our house. Calling this shockingly lazy is shockingly judgemental and makes you sound like an asshole really.

This is the first summer holiday that we have nothing planned. Dh was made redundant a few months ago and has been desperately trying to find a job. The money that we get from UC plus my part time wages doesn't even cover the bills and mortgage so we have no money at all to do anything and I mean no money. We couldn't even afford to go camping as you'd still have to pay petrol, site fees, food etc, so even though it would be cheap, it's not free.

I think it's down to being able to drive and having the money.

If I had to say my one parenting regret it’s that I over scheduled my children, particularly my first, and didn’t give them enough time to simply “be”.

We don't go out much in the Summer. So my poor children must suffer! Or you factor in that they are out visiting places most of the year? But there is only so much you can do with a child with Severe ADHD and Autism when everywhere is rammed with people. We also live in a tourist area so everywhere truly is packed which at least half the kids struggle to process. One is also asleep until mid afternoon which limits how much we can leave the house for 10 days I can't leave him at home alone! So yes my kids don't go out much in summer, but they don't care, we have trips most weekends outside of summer and we go on holiday just after summer so they can enjoy it in a less crowded atmosphere.

I think this is very true. A holiday in the uk is often more expensive than abroad. I remember looking at caravan parks in Uk when DCs were young. Thinking it was a budget option and they’d be happy with kids to play with. Always cost more than a cheap holiday abroad.

but accessing cheap holidays abroad has hidden costs- passports, the cost of getting to airport ( I live in London with many options, but the travel day can really add up)

Agree with this, the summer holidays are a small part of the year overall and children are all different. Some really need a slower pace and to enjoy not having to do much which is fine when balanced with enrichment and experiences throughout the year.

I find people who have to fill their entire day with activities exhausting and I’d have hated that as a child.

But what you have described is doing loads?

Sounds like your kids:

Did organised sports
Had playdates
Went to the library
Went to playgrounds
Went swimming

That's not just hanging out at home at all!

@Verydemure How could I forget hide and seek?! That was a childhood classic.

I think there's magic to be found in the ordinary. I wonder whether a full-on programme of activities can stifle creativity. Also, I think I would have taken excursions for granted if they were a constant.

My family didn't have very much when I was growing up so big trips/activities were limited. This meant that there was anticipation around any activities and I really savoured them.

Only the other day, I was on the hunt for a vintage edition of 'Guess Who?' 😂

@Countryspaniel If I had to say one of myparenting regrets it’s that I over scheduled my children, particularly my first, and didn’t give them enough time to simply “be”.

Absolutely this. Every other day means they are still getting plenty of time out of the house. Do you think people should be doing activities every single day? You’d soon run out of money and it would completely lose its novelty.

Shockingly lazy 😂 you sound like exactly the sort of mother I’d want to avoid at some of enforced fun events.

It depends whether "staying at home all day" is staring at an iPad for 24 hours or playing with neighbours children, in garden, doing arts and crafts.
Back in the day we all just played outside with neighbours. It really depends what is meant by home all day

I think this thread showed that there are two different ways that parents aren't meeting the needs of their children in terms of holiday activities. The first is doing nothing at all, and not providing them with opportunities to play and learn and stretch and grow, whether that's at home or out and about. The second is keeping them busy and active all the time and not giving them the opportunity to move through boredom to creativity and innovation, or to relax and absorb what they've learned on their busy days, or to value quiet times and build inner resources.

Both suggest an imbalance, and I think that both could be seen as "lazy" in different ways, although I think that actually, most parents aren't lazy and do the best they can with the resources they have, and that parents who have plenty of money and energy but less of the skills that can make days at home magical, are doing the best they can for their children.

i do think it’s true that in the past kids went out without their parents far more. We played out from about 5 I think.

When I was a kid my parents did nothing with me in the holidays. I entertained myself. No problem.

Wow -

its gonna be tricky to parent without feeling some degree of adversity !!

so break it down, problem solve, practice - surely you aren’t all housebound cos otherwise it’s hard work ??

I guess it’s not all or nothing ??

a bit of life skills / a bit of taking the kids out the house ??

a bit of a balance ??

I think it depends on how the adults view their roles as parents… Like a previous poster said, there are just some people who can’t be arsed. Would be interesting to see how this is based on employment, poverty, benefits etc. and I’m likely to get flamed for this but for some people children are just ‘there’ and that’s where their responsibility ends.

I would also imagine that how the adults treat themselves (in terms of health, hobbies etc) would be passed on through how they treat their children. A person who is happy to park off at home in front of the tv all day is not likely to change just because they’ve had a child.

This also exists as a problem for those parents who do too much entertaining… there has to be a balance somewhere in the middle. As it should be with most things in life I suppose.

Depends on what age the children are but when I was primary age we spent most of our time over the summer holidays in the park, or out on our bikes, with friends or bored at home. Other than the odd day out our parents weren't responsible for entertaining us.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with staying at home all day. It’s staying at home and being on screens all day that’s the problem. My children have friends who just stay in and play Roblox. Their parents just want them occupied and out the way. That’s really sad.

I have two with autism. One in particular has very high anxiety and as a child didn’t want to go out the door. It triggered meltdowns.

I was a skint single parent who couldn’t afford petrol to get to places (lived very rurally).

I am also physically disabled and long walks in the free countryside are not possible for me.

I did make an effort to take them out but I think you underestimate the travel difficulties - our nearest swimming pool for example at the time was 22 miles away and that meant a 44 miles round trip which at today’s money is almost £6 additional cost plus the cost x3 for the kids in the pool plus me as an adult.

The local library closed so we didn’t have a library close.

I think your attitude is a bit of an issue given you work with families and seem to lack empathy to be honest.

It is possible that the OP isn’t referring to families where there is an obvious reason for the lack of engagement outside of the home with children….
It would be very unkind to judge people when the difficulties are very obvious.
I would imagine she is referring to people who do not have any reasons but still choose to not expose their kids to anything outside of the home. There are a lot of people like this. People who just can’t be bothered.

what this doesn’t factor in is there are plenty of parents who are still working on the holidays - often full time and many these days work from home - so unless they get the kids on holiday clubs and thus can really add up with multiple kids or grandparents willing to have them stay etc - or they are old enough to be out and about unsupervised - it may well seem that they are stuck at home a lot - that’s life -

One of my favourite things about our school is how many books the kids get given.
Every Xmas they get a book for their school present, the Halloween competition present was a book, the end of term attendance prize was books, we occasionally have events where they give away books to the kids, theres always books at the Xmas and Dinner fayre, the library can visits (school facilities membership) . But there are still parents who complain about the "useless" presents