Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

I also work with families. Very vulnerable families. I am concerned you have access to families when you're posting comments like this - You shouldn't be working with them. When you work with families the first thing you're taught is how to behave online. I wouldn't like having someone like you around my vulnerable families.

The pure arrogance in your post..honestly. Go outside and touch grass. Maybe read the news about poverty and mental health.

I try to do a balance of days at home playing and baking and being in the garden, days at the park and walks out or to the beach and then days out to places.
we pay for national trust membership it’s less than £10 a month and we are lucky to have afew really nice places nearby so for us it’s really good value - just take a picnic and it’s a good day out.
I also use planet offers and look for deals on other days out - we don’t have a huge budget for days out but we try to mix things up a bit.

I think with social media people can feel pressure to do 5Star days out all the time but my kids love it in the garden or baking and just being at home some days - I also bought a cheap secondhand tent and we have that up in the garden and “camp” sometimes and then take it away with us for weekends too and that’s been my a good purchase too.

My 12 year old told me today that someone in her class has never been on holiday, not even in the UK, That blew my mind

I can see how this would happen.

One parent. Possibly self employed.
Very little time off work. Constantly work focused.
Stressed. Money problems.
Parent from a family that didn't have holidays.
Poor health.
Doesn't want to stay in a campsite/caravan.
Doesn't drive.
Cheap hols often off beaten track and not accessible by public transport.

I have a friend who can't believe I have never taken my kids to Lapland. When they were under the age of ten, she spent all her time, telling me I was literally depriving them of a magical experience.
My kids are teens now and it blows her mind that I won't take them to Disneyland in Florida.

People whose 'minds are blown' about holidays of all things, lack empathy and I suspect quite enjoy feeling better than others.

I think time at home with no planned activities is essential for developing imagination and the ability to self entertain, as well as to develop social skills with friends such as negotiation without adult interruption.

I think parents use days out and clubs to make their lives easier. Much easier to have others supervising your kids at clubs than doing it yourself, for example. Kids need to experience boredom and doing nothing. It has been suggested that the constant rushing to go to activites is one of the contributors to anxiety in children - they're always being hurried along, go faster or we'll be late etc.

https://korupsychology.ca/downsides-of-over-scheduling/

https://www.joinprisma.com/blog/overscheduled-child

https://cadenzacenter.com/stop-the-rush-how-over-scheduling-can-hurt-your-child-what-to-do-about-it/

I also find it incredible that you work with these families and have no understanding or empathy at all about why this might happen. I’m concerned about what kind of service or help you’re offering when you’re coming from this place of righteous condemnation.

Or simply, just that poor. Because even in the UK, cheap, self catering we’re still talking hundreds once you add up all the costs.

Yes, that's a way of showing the next generation a better way.

I'd assumed that you would be able to read my quotation marks, which were to indicate that I don't mean tutting and lip pursing, I mean thinking 'this isn't good enough and it needs to change'.

That thought has ben the generative kernel of all progressive actions and thought since the 1700s.

Laziness? Selfishness? Poor motivation?! I live near the beach and it's so easy; go to Lidl or Aldi for snacks then go to the beach. But lots of people can't be bothered basically

Well every kid is different and id take what kids say with a pinch of salt. If you asked my child what they did they would say "played on their tablet" because they are referring to their favorite activity they forget all the amusements, hotel stays, parks, general shopping, swimming etc but they will literally say they chilled because to them that's what they enjoy so I wouldn't trust what a child says children don't think like adults dependant on the age and break down all the little tasks they did. In defense if a child also has additional needs it can be very difficult to get them to leave the house or engage in other activities. My child has a meltdown, cries, anxiety attacks when I even bring it up and regardless of all the outdoor toys bikes swings etc their favorite "safe space" is in the house. I also would guess perhaps parents are busy working and on days off its usually trying to keep on top of housework and shopping etc and might be tired themselves also poverty as others have said could play into it.

I always loved spending time at home with DD when she was small...playing, reading, cooking together, arts and crafts, snuggly film times.

She certainly didn't go without other experiences but I've always been just as baffled by people who can't seem to cope with just being at home with their kids and have to be out all the time.

Horses for courses I guess?!

Because it's a lot of bloody hard work to take children anywhere, and then you come home tired / sunburned/ children bouncing off the walls or cranky, but everyone still needs dinner and baths and bedtime.

because some just have the kids but then dont consider the academic value of days out etc and watch jemary kyle etc

Agree.

I spent most days at home with my DCs. They have very fond memories of couch cushion forts, giant lego buildings, art, baking, playing with the neighbours, riding their bikes or skating, or drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. They also got through mountains of books. We went to the library (10 minute walk from home), and to a few local playgrounds and to the local outdoor public pool in summer. They went on playdates with friends and we always had friends over.

You definitely don't have to be always on the go with children to expand their horizons. We had a classical music station on the radio constantly, and they did organised sports in summer. And don't shoot me, but they watched TV - the local PBS station in the US had lots of excellent programming for children, and superb documentaries on all sorts of topics.

Living the dream…

And I want to add - there's little point in a childhood spent being entertained if children don't also learn to do their own laundry, help prepare dinner and wash up afterward, hoover, polish, make their own beds, and other chores. My DCs all met kids who had never learned to pick up after themselves when they went off to university.

@mathanxiety

My daughter has had several similar experiences at uni.

Personallt I think there's a lot to be said for a certain amount of what I call 'benign neglect' - letting kids have a bit of space and time to figure things out for themselves, whether that's combatting boredom or practical stuff.

Or consider that some people are content and happy just as they are and their children are doing just fine playing with mud or sticks or doodling or kicking a ball around.

My DS spent an entire summer digging little holes in the backyard looking for dinosaur bones and came up with several little plastic action figures that had sunk into the soil over the years. One in particular he spent hours cleaning with an old toothbrush, and it went to school with him in the smallest outer pocket of his backpack just to lend him some moral support.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head though, it sounds like you have 1 child, a job ie income and you’ve said you live in a good area.

Add three more kids, sickness or disability, no income, shitty public transport and no car, low educational attainment, a baby who needs some home comforts or another toddler who ‘needs’ a nap and it all gets a lot harder.

My childhood was chock full of activities, learning opportunities, challenges, character development, etc, etc. My favourite bits were, like yours, hanging out at my grandparents' and listening to my gran's stories of her younger days.

Oh ... she liked taking me to feed the ducks, a 5-minute walk to the end of her lane.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the broad horizons and spirit of adventure bestowed on me by my parents. You know what I'm more grateful for? The emotional security my gran provided, and the fact that I am now a living repository of 110 years of English cultural history.

My kids have never been on holiday either apart from a few days in Haven some years.

Reasons

Lone parent with one income. I do work in a minimum wage job and UC tops it up but it’s not a lot. Nothing spare.

i have 4dc, 3 of which are ND. I’m ND. The logistics of trying to get them organised and on a plane, 2 of which have severe anxiety is a nightmare,

I’ve been left with two dogs (long story). Can’t afford kennels, no family members to look after them so I’m stuck with them.

im quite happy to go camping etc. one of mine is happy to do so, the youngest (15) has severe anxiety and refuses to go anywhere at the last minute, meltdowns, refuses to get in the car, hits
me etc. won’t even go on days out. I’ve wasted so much money in the past so now I just don’t bother. Obviously can’t leave her and I have no extended family (all dead) to leave her with and she won’t stay at friends.

My own health hasn’t helped. Also having vitiligo means I can’t go on holiday in the sun.

when they were all younger (3 are young adults now) it was easier to take them on days out,!dds anxiety wasn’t as bad but even Haven holidays were fraught. Dd was sick everytime we went somewhere unfamiliar and would cry and shake. So we stopped going.

her anxiety has been so much worse since dh died 4 years ago and it’s stopped us doing so much as a family. We don’t even go on days out anymore.

But at least I can now go out of the door without her having a major panic attack now so that’s something.

the youngest had the cheek to ask why we don’t go abroad or to concerts like everyone else. Err Take a look in the mirror love. No I didn’t say that to her 😂

I can’t wait till they all bugger off and leave home. The first thing I’m booking is a Nordic cruise.

A lot of people are boring/unimaginative and lazy.

It’s also area dependent. We live in London and I find there are so many options for things to do that cost nothing. Community events, library events etc. We’re nowhere near central London and most of its walking distance.

Currently on maternity leave and I make sure I get out with my children every day even just to the park. I think it’s good to be out at least 2-3 hours. Don’t have to spend anything or be roaming the streets all day. Local social media pages are really helpful for local events. I don’t think paid activities are the be all and end all.

I have to agree - clubs on Saturday AND Sunday is crazy at that age IMO. Do you not go away or have visitors on the weekend? I could understand more with older DC who have a specific dedicated hobby at a high level.

That sounds like way too many clubs and too much money for most families. Lots of things you do that don’t cost money and can do as a family. I’d hate to book my weekends out like that. Can’t go away/do other things as youre beholden to a 1 hour activity during the day.

My daughter does similar but I did laugh at your comment “not even hours of a full time job”- how is that relevant to a child?

I actually think that to only go out every other day with 3 young children is shockingly lazy. Why have so many kids to then keep them cooped up, unless you live on a farm sized property? Which you may do.
Kids need to run around, like dogs.