Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Totally agree with you.

Probably because everything costs a fortune, or maybe they want their children to learn how to be bored and not expect to be entertained all the time.
I don’t know, I grew up in a very similar environment, we never went anywhere or did anything. It made me look forward to the times when I did get to do things but yeah, I always wished they could have at least took me the park.
I am the opposite with my ds, I try and do things with him, but my god it’s exhausting and expensive.
Why do we have to feel we have to constantly entertain our children? It’s a shame most children don’t get the childhood of years ago where kids played outside all day- and yes, I knew a lot of kids still do, but nowhere near the amount as when I was a child.
Roads aren’t as safe anymore too much traffic, and parents are definitely more cautious about letting children go off and play with their friends until a certain age.
Just don’t judge, it’s not the end of the world and you’ve no idea what works for some families.

I have suffered from some of those issues and they developed AFTER I had my daughter.
🙄

I agree. "Free" activities are rarely actually free. Or easy when you have children with disabilities.

Exhausting getting on and off a bus? Should you get your iron levels tested?

What a strange way to think about it. You certainly won’t get the families I work with the change by “judging”. They are low income, often living with various stressors, they do not have cars and they weren’t brought up with “days out” and they aren’t wondering how to enrich their kids / they are focused on feeding them and clothing them and just basic parenting.

This is where free or low cost summer clubs come in.

The screen time thing was an assumption some posters made. Did we have some screen time? Yes. Watched telly together or played adventure , problem solving games together. But… it wasn’t all day every day AND we did it together, still engaging, talking about stuff etc.

My child is the same. Loves them all (except maybe the 90 mins of music on a Saturday morning)

Another reason I give him so many activities is that I really struggle to keep him off a screen when we are at home. Better basketball than Nintendo.

Maybe I need to push myself to do more baking, crafts, jigsaws etc - but it gets exhausting.

I’m with the majority here when they say you have no idea how hard it can be.

I have four children.
my oldest three all did different clubs, swimming lessons and we were out and about all the time.

then my youngest came along who has a rare life limiting genetic disorder. He has daily seizures and has been blue lighted to hospital 16 times since September.

when we are not admitted to hospital, some days my boy can be really unstable and I get too anxious to go out in public in case there’s an emergency.

I had to cancel some of their clubs because I couldn’t afford it - I gave up my job to become a full time carer.

sometimes I am completely exhausted and don’t want to go anywhere.

other times it’s hard to find somewhere accessible where I can navigate NG feeds, rescue medication and a specialist pushchair.

for example I took the kids to Ninja Warrior the other day. There was no lift to get up to the cafe so I had to sit on a FLOOR as there was no way to get the wheelchair upstairs. It was boiling hot and I didn’t have a drink but thankfully a very kind lady offered to get one for me. The stress of it made me not want to go again.

I try my best. During the summer holidays we’ve had one crappy week where the kids stayed in their pyjamas and had too much tech, and then we had a good couple of days where I could do something with them. I batter myself about it every day, I don’t need to see other mums judging me too.

You’re giving the benefit of the doubt way too much here. There are so many parents who simply couldn’t care less. They’d rather sit at home and smoke while the house is upside down and the kids fend for themselves. Whilst yes there will be families who are in situations you mentioned many are just lazy and care more about themselves. Nothing more to it. I see it a lot.

Take the kids on a bike ride or walk to different parks and get fit then. Excuses excuses.

When my kids were little and asked what they had been up to in the holidays they would always say playing on th iPad. No matter what expensive days out, holidays or trips to the national trust we'd been too . It's like they couldn't be bothered to go into everything they had been up to so I wouldn't take a kids account of their holidays at all.

In our case? Autism and ADHD in multiple close family members.

Over the course of a year we do lots of things, at least four holidays, cinema, camping, museums etc. But day to average day, after work/school and apart from the daily walk in the woods with the dog, we chill at home.

The idea of needing to be 'doing' something every spare second we have sounds exhausting. Without our downtime days of milling about gardening or reading, with no social engagements or anything planned, I shudder to think of the frayed nerves and melt downs.

Exactly.

Accessibility can also be an issue and even if it is accessible, one broken lift is all it takes.

I appreciate everyone’s circumstances are different, but as a kid I asked my mum if we could go to the park every single day and I can count on my hands how many times we went. It wasn’t a lack of being able to take us but she couldn’t be bothered. She’s the same now with my nieces and nephews, she will ask if they want to do something but then say she’s too tired on the day and sit and watch tv. She always manages to find the energy when it’s something she wants to do though. She’s made comments on how we were such easy kids because we would just sit in our bedrooms and play without ever wanting to go anywhere, we didn’t, we sat bored because there was no point asking. I used to hate going back to school and people asking what I had done over the holidays, we used to plan stories together so that me and my siblings all said the same thing because we were worried people would laugh at us for doing nothing.

When i was a kid I used to wander all over the town with my mates. I would be back and forth to my friend round the corner from the age of 5 with no parental supervision!

My parents had no time or interest in entertaining me all summer, was left to myself. It has always been this way in working class families i would think, but the shift from kids being allowed out alone has meant they stay indoors on tablets.

Question for the gotta be out every day(most of the day) and have activities and something to do all the time people…

How do you/your kids cope when you’re out of commission? Broken leg/foot, really poorly for several days, god forbid, hospitalised, D&V etc.? Do they adapt? Does it all descend into chaos? Do you welcome the break? Do you feel super guilty and push yourself (sometimes to your detriment) to keep the usual routine?

Whilst I’m sorry you’re going through this she clearly did not mean you fgs!!

I agree OP, it’s weird. I have a neighbour with two kids under 2 and I I only met her for the first time 1 year after I moved in as she doesn’t leave the house much, she even called herself a hermit, we live in a street where everyone has a tiny maisonette, I go insane if I’m inside more than a couple of hours.

I don’t wanna.

Of course there are families like this, but this is not typical and smoking around kids inside is not very common anymore in my experience.

Sitting inside, never interacting with your children with the house upside down is a fairly chaotic home.

There are a large group of parents who are doing much more than that but spend more time at home than those of us who basically have had a different upbringing and have more money, have a car, don’t have to deal with a disability and so on.

I know I’m being London centric but I never had a car, but always took advantage of all the free museums , public transport, parks and made sure I took the kids out every weekend and whenever I wasn’t working in the summer holidays. Take a packed lunch. Say no to pester power if they ask for extras, It doesn’t have to cost lots. But yes it is knackering. Until kids hit teenage they are like sponges needing parental attention and mopping up experiences and learning opportunities. Such a shame so many kids don’t get the opportunity.

I used to have lots of days out when the kids were younger and I would fill the days during the holidays with a mixture of free days out I.e parks. museums, tennis etc and other days we would have more exciting days to theme parks/zoos etc. We would have some chill days occasionally

My kids are older now and we were reminiscing last week and to my suprise all their best memories were from when we stayed in and made our own fun, lounged in our pjs, acted silly, played games, made cakes, painted, role playing shop, hairdressed etc, watching movies, playing in the paddling pool, you get the picture!

Looking back i think all the planned days out were to help me and not make the childcare feel as boring and mundane. But at the time I needed this.

Try not to judge, just because some families are staying in, it doesn’t mean the children aren’t having a good time and making core memories with their families.

Everyone just should just do what feels right for them.

I miss the lazy days with my children now and wish I could do it all over and snuggle more on the couch.

It’s extremely common for people to sit and smoke weed all day and not bother with their kids. I see it all the time, clearly you live under a rock. So many parents really do not give a shit.

Next doors kids are mid and late teens. Neither of them go out or have friends round. Mum and dad go in and out daily for work or to walk the dog. I never actually really see them all go out as a family. The eldest term time was in college and mum or dad give him lifts to work on a weekend. When we moved in and realised there were teens living there I assumed there would be loud music during the holidays, friends in the garden and house parties. Honestly I wouldn't know if something happened to either of these teenagers whilst their parents were working. Odd is the only way I can describe them.

Around the eldest's age I'd pack a load of snacks in a rucksack, find my OS map and scale the local hills with the family dog during the school holidays. My mum would get home from work and from looking at the dog knew I'd been out that day entertaining myself. Granted we didn't have smart phones and social media was in its infancy but we never hid indoors.