Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

I think either extreme is sad to be fair.

I feel the kids that never get a chunk of time to chill at home or entertain themselves and have their in imaginations kick in are being done a disservice as well.

I like to try and alternate so we have days out and about and days at home. I'm lucky that our town has absolutely tonnes of free stuff. But even then I know some families just don't access even the free offerings. There's lots of different reasons why.

As someone who did very little as a child - not nothing (we'd go occasionally to museums, especially on holiday) but through pretty much my whole childhood, Saturday was spent going to the supermarket and then having lunch - then sitting at home...

• little disposable income
• parents were knackered from work during the week
• little access to public transport and mum didn't drive
• parents didn't have much social circle, so no-one to compare lifestyle with
• neither of my parents had had active (or particularly happy) childhoods themselves, so no expectation of doing differently
• parental anxiety about interacting with strangers or letting us do stuff independently

Yes it was a bit of a surprise, and a bit embarrassing, to get to secondary school and realise most other people did clubs and went camping or to various events in their free time, but as an adult I understand more

Ha! @Countryspaniel i can’t speak for the children you’re coming into contact with (and maybe you shouldn’t either) but my DD(6) loves being at home. If I were to flip your script on its head I might say that if you can’t entertain a child in their own home then perhaps that’s due to a lack of imagination on your part.

My DD and I build den’s both inside and in the garden, cook, she helps with household chores, we grow our own fruit and veg, do science experiments, Lego, crafts, we designed and hand sewed a teddy bear this week, she reads to herself, we do homework, have play dates, she’s starting to learn chess….literally could go on for pages. Often I am busy with the baby or house admin or other tasks and can’t play. Sometimes she is bored. This is good for her, it builds resilience, independence, and imagination.

My DH likes to be out and about and can’t understand “homebodies” but he doesn’t feel sad for children (or adults) just because they are different to him!!!!!

Yeah, kids need time for unstructured play. No wonder parents are exhausted from this expectation to be with your kids doing carefully curated activities 24/7. Let them use their imagination in the garden or their room to entertain themselves.

No one on this thread has said that children need to be out 24/7, or even every day. Just sometimes.

I go out a lot bc my small home is so messy it depresses me. On the outside it probably looks like I’m doing loads with my kid, but on least one level all this activity is a way of avoiding deep interaction with him (single mum, only child, it’s suffocating sometimes).

I have ADHD and a lot of the activity stems from that, too.

The longer I parent the more I realise how important it is to teach how to properly structure time at home - it’s not a place just for ‘downtime’ (screens) because you’re tagged out from all the ‘enriching activities’. So better structured home time is my goal now.

I wouldn’t judge homebody parents, no. Sometimes I worry that I’m setting up adult life to be disappointing for my child bc it won’t be a rich varied diet of leisure activities and play dates. Sometimes (often) you just need to tidy your sock drawer.

How depressing.

We’re coming to the end of our summer holiday now. Which is sad. It’s been fun. I do wonder how families on low income cope with it though. Even an ice cream is expensive these days (relatively speaking). It must be very difficult.

That sounds ideal @IAmTooOldFor .

In a time when every area of life if commercialised - including childhood - self reliance in creating activities is so important.

(Though Rainbows & yoga have their place, too.)

We just came back from an abroad holiday. DD’s favourite part? Playing with all the cats /kittens!! Of course.

@mindutopia I agree with you there totally - it needs to be a mix - it’s a fine line - kids who are constantly kept on a hamster wheel of days out very often grow into pre teens and teens who have very high ‘spend’ expectation's and very low boredom thresholds

The longer I parent the more I realise how important it is to teach how to properly structure time at home - it’s not a place just for ‘downtime’ (screens) because you’re tagged out from all the ‘enriching activities’. So better structured home time is my goal now

As a fellow ADHD parent to two high energy kids I FEEL this @PittaParty. Home time isn’t easy and natural to us. It requires effort (more effort than going out!) and if I didn’t put in the effort I’m sure screens would feature heavily for us. We are having a home day with 5 yo tomorrow as we’ve been out all day today. It will take quite a bit of work for all of us but I hope in the long run learning how to be at home will do us all good 👍

I’m a term time worker, have 2 children still at home. A crippling case of endo so waiting MORE surgery and lupus. From 7am- 8pm in term time I’m rushing around like a blue assed fly. As are the kids. Soon as 1:30pm hit in the 18th July I was gone, jamas on, snacks and films. And my children personally also needed that. But then I’m someone who loves being at home. And I have money to go out and do stuff daily if needed. But I know my children need a drop in routine, a bit of freedom and time to just potter about. During said “pottering” my older child has completed an online nail tech course my youngest is part of an online reading out loud challenge. We have also watched plenty of the films on the “50 films children need to see”. My youngest has also mastered every board game you can think of. Children do not need to be out and entertained constantly. They will be doing more over the next few weeks as they are booked into lots of activities provided by school. But I won’t be made to feel bad for having a few (lot) of pj days because come September, we will all be hard at it again! It’s all about balance.

Well if that’s your life, then don’t have children
Why would you want to inflict that on them.

Haven't read the whole thread (my bad) but a mix of holiday clubs, hour bike ride /park per day or food shop outing. But I took the whole day off work the other day to go and do something together and DC did not want/refused to go out (they are ASD/ADHD) which was so frustrating as I'm desperate to go out for air (I wfh). Believe me I couldn't face the kick back that day. Otherwise, I can't understand as at that age I would be out at park with friends, library, reading, beach, blackberry picking, seeing grandparents etc independently. Will be dragging them out tomorrow as I have passes to a nearby attraction I can reuse.

I think it depends on whether your child has additional needs (will they socialise or have a melt down), cost and affordability (more children the higher the cost or limited income), time (if you have to work or have unusual shift pattern), transport options depending on where you live and what you can afford, and parents' health (combo of ability to get out of home and to attraction whether free or paid for or holiday scheme and/or affordability).

I have a few days booked for a caravan stay shortly so we WILL be doing stuff but as a child myself my parents weren't rich so it was picnics, walks, visiting relatives, morning holiday tv, library, playing out. We didn't have games consoles or internet then which I think has made a massive difference.

My DC said the other year that they didn't do anything during summer when asked when in fact they been abroad twice - one long haul and one short! So "chilling" may not be entirely what you perceive!

It’s definitely all about balance. Obviously time to be bored and creative and rest is important too. I think it’s important to be in the habit of getting exercise and fresh air everyday. This could be in the garden but for us in a semi d in the city, it involves going somewhere.

We go somewhere every single weekend day and it’s usually something free or very low cost. Maybe it’s because we have so many free things to do in the North West. I couldn’t imagine staying in though she’s so high energy I’d go insane. There is sooooo much to do though when you look into it.

If she wasn’t such a high energy child though I admit I would definitely have a lot more chill days! But I am also very similar to her and want to explore myself.

But if no-one judges, nothing changes.

Judging isn't the bogeyman we pretend it is. It's human and it's part of increasing life outcomes. It's fundamentally how civilisation happened.

Not all things are equally good. The things that are bad and can be changed, will only change if someone says 'you know what, this isn't good.'

Circumstances can and do change.

I had severe mental health issues, SEN children, didn't drive, not much money. I really struggled taking them out. And having them home. Either way, it was awful.

This year, I drive, im better off financially, much better from my mental health struggles, I moved house so im in a nice area, and the councils holiday programme is brilliant. Weve been out a lot, my youngest has been ridiculously busy with the holiday clubs, and we're going on holiday soon.

The lack of transport was a big barrier, especially with SEN children who couldn't do busses, even a free holiday club meant a taxi to take them, then home, then a taxi to pick them up and bring them home. £40 just on taxis. Then the worry if they were OK, if the club could cope with their SEN.

Yeah, dog poo park (that's what it's called locally) is a bit shit and very dog shitty.
You have to cross dual carriageways to get to the parks from here. One is isolated and not well used so a bit scary. Another is full of broken glass, scary groups of people and broken equipment. One is full of goose shit and people hang around with big dogs. One had someone murdered in it, someone violently assaulted, there have been stabbings and shootings near by. There are grooming gangs. The one in town is ok but busy. There's not much green space, not much free to do. There are only so many times you can look at the fountains. There are places that are a long walk to the park that requires an adult. If you live in a tower block or even a low rise flat it is a big trek down. Buses are really expensive if you are short of cash. The libraries are small, or a long walk away.

Kids get mucky. Clothes are expensive. Washing in a cramped flat/terrace is a pain in the arse. (Many have no balcony and houses have just a yard)

Spending a whole summer at home on a tablet is quite different than being at home and reading, doing crafts, building Lego, etc. One could argue it’s better for children to have an involved adult and stay home than to go out constantly and never learn to entertain themselves at home. I believe children nowadays are a bit overscheduled and overstimulated. It’s nice to have downtime to play with one’s own things.

This just makes me irritated.

My two kids are very different in this regard

The eldest was literally bouncing off the walls if we didnt leave the house from a very early age. I'd be out by 9am or earlier some days. We went everywhere, playgroups, hikes, libraries, museums, playgrounds, skate parks, the woods, bike rides, soft plays, swimming.

The youngest was happy just pottering around playing with toys. Liked her own bed for a 2 hour daily nap. She just wasn't interested when we went out and asked to go home. She was a toddler was during covid and I do wander whether this impacted on her.

Most (not all) i these activities cost money.

My friend who first child the same age as mine had not taken him out to a playground at 9 months old. She was bemused at the fact we were always out and couldn't understand it. She really lacked confidence taking him out. Spending time with them they both needed routine and the routine seemed to take all day, preparing food, eating, cleaning up, nappy change, nap. I found it suffocating, but it worked for them.

Families and kids are all unique.

Yep.

My son is disabled.

All of a sudden the vast majority of these amazing, free activities often suggested on here are largely unsuitable.