Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

My mum was the same and so was my DH’s mum. They always found the energy to sit in the pub all day when us kids were bored waiting for them to finish their drinks though. They are the same now with their grandkids, no interest in going anywhere.

I live 5 minutes away from 3 new build housing estates, that are full of young families - very occasionally when I’m out walking l will see parents using the play areas. I never see anyone out walking a pram. There’s lots of lovely walks around the estates and one backs on to a nature reserve with a lovely lake. I had an operation last year and had to give up work so I try to go out walking every day but I never see a soul usually. I guess most parents both work these days. Even in the school holidays there’s no one.

I'd say top reasons are:

• Money
• Mental health
• Behavioural issues

Well… I have to die eventually so not forever?

Sometimes there is a lot to do at home. I grew up in a time when we played out, we would be outside from the afternoon until the sun came down.

I had no idea what my parents were doing - but I definitely know dinner would be cooked, maybe the house would be cleaned and maybe they napped. But they had 4-8 hours of children being outside in the neighbourhood - popping in for an ice lolly or something, and then back out again.

Whereas today, we don’t let our kids out. I have a teen, and whilst we do go out quite abit and I’ve found some free summer clubs for her, and she also goes to friends house etc, we have days whereby we just stay in. However she doesn’t play out - the neighbourhood doesn’t have anyone out - just the troublesome kids that have dropped out of school and do wheelies on the road.

So I think that we should be allowed to stay in if we have decent houses. But it’s a shame that we don’t let kids explore the way they used to.

I think kids are actually over entertained these days. We probably had 2 weeks summer holiday as kids if we were lucky but otherwise it was just kicking about the house and back lane. As a result I’m a keen reader and have always been really creative. I do wonder about all these kids that have their parents dragging them to a new enriching experience every bloody day (mine included).

I know a woman who takes her son to their local town on days off from school/holidays, she sits in the local coffee shop having a coffee whilst telling her son he can’t go on the trampolines as she can’t afford it, then proceeds to drag the boy around all the shops before heading home, sometimes a quick trip to the park.

This is us. The reason is that we're poor, live on the outskirts of the city and I don't have a car so it takes at least 2 buses and 90 minutes each way to get anywhere. DCs just don't want to sit on the bus and are happier spending time in their own home doing crafts and playing in the garden. Going for walks and picnics is a great addition to a busy schedule but it soon gets boring when that's the only thing you can ever do.

I don’t know why they don’t go out. I live in Hampshire so unlike London, we don’t go out to museums. But the parks are free and there are a lot of countryside. I drive so we can go further. We have done lots of the New Forest for example. Even within walking distance of our house, we have ancient woodlands, lakes, rivers and lots of play areas.

Agree. This is massive over scheduling

I would have hated summer camp as a kid. Organised fun was never enjoyable for me and still isn't. We did go out as a family, but also spent a lot of time playing on the local commons or in the garden/street with friends and my siblings. Watched tv. Visited my cousins and played on their estate green. It was fun to have unstructed play time with friends and siblings/cousins.

I agree the kid may just be saying that. We do lots with my DC- activities, days out etc. I hate staying at home so make sure we are on the move. But when he is asked at school what did he do during holidays/ weekends, he says watched iPad/ TV etc. doesn’t even make sense 🤣

I'm lucky, I drive and I have some means

Driving isn’t luck …. you work and you pay for lessons/tests save for a car.

The biggest neglect is drink and drugs, yet this alone is not enough for kids to be removed from parents.

And so the cycle continues.

I'm with you OP. My dear mum friend has very little money but is always up to things with her child - splash pad, paddling in the river, walks, finds out about all the free things the council is putting on and signs up, signs up for open days and tasters - she doesn't stop. I think it's just how some people are.

I agree with you, and there is a lot of free stuff if you can find it, but looking at the things you just mentioned.

1. National Trust - definitely not free 😆
2. Fruit picking - not massively expensive but you have the cost of getting to the farm and the cost of buying the fruit. Unless you just mean picking blackberries (if you live in a city and want to pick anything else there is not a lot) which is fine but that only kills an hour.

There are definitely some kids just left on iPads and not necessarily ‘poor’ kids and it is sad but, from what I’ve seen, the really struggling families (at least in the city) are going to very specific places with free school meals criteria for free access so even though you come into contact with them through work you might not bump into them in the holidays as they aren’t going to the same events as you. (even some of the free ones, because often there will be things there like ice cream vans or stalls that encourage pester power)

This.

I've let my kids plan some days in the holidays, and they mostly wanted to stay in and chill at home.

Nothing wrong with this, there's loads you can do at home.

They don't need to be out and about every day and doing activities every day after school.

5 hours vs boarding school? Do your kids go to bed at 6pm or something? Do you not eat a family meal together and read stories to your children at bedtime even when they've been busy all day?

I've already said about 8 times that we go to Rainbows together. We all go to her swimming lessons, DH and I sit in the gallery and she can see us from the pool.

That's 3 hours a week she spends doing things she loves with other children without us.

My kids are teenagers now but when they were younger they did summer camps ans we did lots at weekends etc. We moved when they were 6 and 7 and they made loads of friends in our estate. Nothing beats natural play out on the green IMO. Much better than planned activities. Nowadays they don't want to be out with us as much but we still still do things every few weekends. They mainly entertain themselves though Monday to Friday during summer holidays.

The way you’re written this comes across as quite judgmental, but I’ll humour with an answer.

As per my previous posts, we don’t go out everyday because I think it’s crucial for my 2 DC (2.5 and 5) development. But because a full day at home with both of them is impossible, someone will literally be bouncing of the walls and we all do better if we’ve had a good amount of exercise and stimulation out of the house for at least a few hours per day. We are national trust members and blessed with lots close by, so I spend no more than petrol as we take a picnic and they know I’m not buying anything extra.

Days when we are out of action are really very difficult. The 5 year old will cope between Lego, TV and the garden, but he’ll be twitchy for proper movement by 4pm. But the 2 year old is a disaster. I tend to dose up on paracetamol and Brufen and hope for the best. Thankfully he’s at his happiest just wandering round outside (he’s the best walking 2 year old I’ve ever come across - couple of miles is a warm up). So at least I’m not inflicting germs on anyone else. If one of us is completely down and out and the childminder isn’t free then the other person takes the day off work.

She's not judging, she's making an observation. And it's a legitimate one - kids need stimulation, enrichment, socialisation, attentive parents - if you don't like her thread, maybe don't comment & "you do you" - quietly
.

I have fond memories of not doing much during the school holidays - board games, video games, card games, classic films, playing in the garden, water fights.. I remember doing a home-made version of Neil Buchanan's 'Finders Keepers' too.

We have one of those playgrounds too. The council did eventually get their act together and install new equipment. My kids loved it. There’s a tyre swing, see saw, huge climbing frame, swings, roundabouts, slide and football goal posts.

The kids spent hours at this park and it worked for us because there were also bushes to make dens and benches to have picnics, when they tired of the equipment.

Many a time, I heard exasperated parents complain about the school holidays. We used to invite them to “ our park” Happy days 😊

Some people have periods of time when they cannot be employed, some people cannot get a countersignatory for a licence

Unfortunately not all parents can manage for whatever reason, going out a lot with their kids. When I was a child (early 80s) we all just played out alll day so it wasn’t so much pressure on the parents to organise endless activities. Ours are at holiday club a lot but we try and balance restful days at home with going out and about.