Families that don't do anything with children

[Countryspaniel]

In my line of work I come into contact with a lot of families. Over the summer it got me thinking why some families don't do anything with children.

Why is it that some people just sit around at home day after day? I'm realistic that not everyone has money but you don't need money for a lot of things.

There are parks, community events, walking, bike rides, Picnics, library, museums etc.

I can't imagine why you would want to sit at home day after day without expanding children's experiences.

Often those children are the ones with most friends and great imaginations, those who have parents with SM accounts of look what I did with my kids are the ones that can’t cope with real life.

Thinking about it, my kids where little, they spent a ton of time with ( then) local friends. We had the bigger garden, so trampoline, paddling pool, climbing frame, hide and seek, was always at ours. Then it was den building and picnics in the local park, camping in the garden, cycling locally, spending pocket money at the local shop etc. When they got older, parents used to take it in turns to drop them at the cinema or swimming baths. Then we used to take it in turns to have kids to tea, or a trip over to macdonalds, bigger parks/ adventure playgrounds.

They 17.5 and nearly 21 now. They often talk about their happy and enriching childhood ( even garden picnics!)

DP and I did take them
out aswell, but after a certain age, it was great to see them carving out their day between them.

Obviously when tiny, it can be more challenging, for many reasons.

As a kid, we entertained ourselves
(I’m mid 50’s) so no play dates etc. We just played with whoever was around on the day. My parents worked mighty hard to give us an annual family UK holiday
( no family or friends support at all) We all coped and got out and about, as well as baking, crafting and shopping with mum and dad.

Yes I agreed with your post (and tbh i find it truly disappointing that we can no longer feed bread to ducks - they don’t get excited and flappy for peas and who can blame them really?).

My husband and I argue because when I’m off with the kids I work hard to find free stuff to do with them and on his time he just chucks money at the issue - trampoline parks, bowling, cinema etc. It is extortionate!

For me, it’s long covid, but previously I did lots with the children. Illness might be to do with some of it (3m have long covid in England 2024), so that doesn’t just impact on the child or adult with long Covid, it impacts on their families quality of life too. That’s just for one illness.

Some people do busy at home and operate on different frequencies. Takes all sorts. I have a friend with two asthmatics and a serious allergy sufferer. Outside is not always fun for her family. 🦋

I’ve been “sat at home all day” with 6 yr old DD because she’s got a tennis racquet and a sponge ball and she wanted to hit the ball to me while I threw it to her over and over. She bloody loved it. I cooked her “Chinese new year food” (noodles with chicken). We played in the bath together. We watched a programme about dinosaurs. We played with the cat. She played with unicorns. I’m shattered. She’s shattered. It was a decent day and I feel like she needs days like these. Simple connection at home.

In the summer holidays we actually hide and the children love it.
We home educate so my children learn all year around. We still go for a walk and they play in the garden but we haven't done much.
When everybody goes back to school we will go back to doing lots of fun stuff.
But for now gardening,reading,arts and crafts,jigsaws and baking are our things.

God, in theory I'd love to be out with the kids every day. Being trapped inside is not fun for me.
Honestly, it's just difficult.
I have a baby, a 5 year old and a teen. Getting all three organised to get out of the house is a marathon in itself.
When my husband is off work and I have an extra pair of hands, I make the most of it. But when it's just me at home, most days are spent inside.

Not everyone can or should be out and about every day and suggesting that’s the only way to “expand” a child’s experiences can feel pressuring to those of us who simply can’t live like that.

Some families have health issues, disabilities, burnout, or sensory needs that make constant outings unrealistic or even harmful. Crowded museums, busy parks, or community events aren’t suitable or enjoyable for everyone, and forcing ourselves or our children into those situations just to “tick the box” isn’t the answer.

There’s also nothing wrong with spending more time at home. Home can be a place for learning, creativity, play, and rest — and for some children, that’s where they thrive. You don’t need to be constantly on the go to provide rich experiences.

It’s worth remembering that from the outside, you can’t always see the challenges someone is managing, and it’s not for anyone else to decide how much is “enough.”

I swear, people will always find something to judge.

I've come to realise there is a pervading attitude on MN that one must always be out experiencing 'things' and holidays and events and activities. It's like the recreational version of hustling. There has been a glorification in society of always being busy and I get it - I do it too - but it's led to a sneering of sorts towards those who prefer a simpler life.

There is merit in both and it's a balancing act. Constantly doing things, even the enjoyable ones, becomes exhausting. There are also seasons in our lives where we need to go more slowly.

Let others be.

You need some experiences to tap into creativity.
They don’t have to be extravagant experiences. Even simple things like climbing trees, throwing stones into water to see the ripples sparks the imagination.
Lots of people are defensive but taking your kids out for fresh air and a runaround is a necessity. Kids who are playing out or in the garden are fine.
It’s the kids who are stuck indoors every weekend and every holiday that the op is referring to and there are lots.

My immediate neighbours are like this. One side has a 2.5 year old who they NEVER take out. Granny, Mum and Dad live together, usually at least two adults home. Kid doesn't even go to the supermarket when one or two of them go isn't allowed in their garden, never goes to any of the 4 play areas, green open areas within 10 minutes walk. Doesn't mix with any other kids at all. Its extremely sad, they care for her and she's loved but don't seem to bother with anything more than feeding and clothing. Kid is so bored sh bangs window when she sees anyone passing in the street. Otherside, boy now aged about 7, rarely seen in years, never in garden or off to park etc.

I agree there’s plenty free stuff to do, but to be fair I do it as much for me as for them!

My DC are both quite hyper and it’s easier to have them running around outside than breaking stuff at home!

But I’ve dragged my kids to wonderful interesting places only for them to rave about a stick they found or a puddle they played in when talking about their holidays.

i have one DC with autism though and as he gets older, he’s become much more content to stay at home, gaming or chilling in his room. It’s also becoming far more difficult to get him out of the house.

it can be a real grind- lots of moaning, delaying, arguing…I’m exhausted by the time we get anywhere…only for him to be just as difficult to get to come back home….

there have been many times where I’ve just wished I hadn’t bothered.

so I can see both sides.

and to be fair, that's what kids do firs thing they go to the hotel or to my house in Macedonia, where is the pass code for the wifi lol. Good that my brother modernised the business

I absolutely agree. My best advice to parents (as a parent of 2, and aunt/granny/great aunt to a good few) is to be very careful about setting up a precedence of buying stuff when out. If children don't have expectations of treats they will not ask. They will learn that the best 'treat' is your time and energy when out.

It is so hard to say "no" though. We are bombarded by marketing all over the place. You have to be tough.

My DB and DSIL don’t do anything with their kids. I think they’d say lack of money or would say they do take them out, but their taking them out is really just taking them round their nans to aunts once every few weeks.

i know their schools have given them free tickets to local swimming pools and events in the past but they never do anything.

I sometimes think they’re like that film room, except they go to school. I fundamentally think it’s lazy parenting. Not wanting to do kid friendly things so just leaving kids to watch YouTube all day

Absolutely this.

Dd1 went on a trip in year R to a farm park. They had a wonderful day seeing all the animals.
Afterwards they had to draw a picture and answer some questions about the day.
27 out of 28 wrote the basically same answer to their favourite part of the day:
"The coach trip".

I said to the teacher maybe next year they could just drive round in the coach. She said they had the same answer most years. 🤣

My dc are grown up now. I asked them for memories of summer holidays not very long ago. They're not the big days out, nor the time we bought something amazing. It's things like:

Doing a big jigsaw on the floor
Eating potato cakes
Cleaning the windows
When the car broke down
When next doors' cat got in and we couldn't get it out
When we watched all three High School Musicals back to back
When they sat under dd2's bed and had a fairy picnic (buttered bread with sprinkles on)
Doing chalk drawings on the path
When I had them searching for a specific stone in the garden (I was basically getting them to clear the flower beds of large stones, which they did very well, in looking for the "special" one. "Is it this one?" "Oh no, not quite. Put it in the bucket with the rest")
Going to A&E with ds was the only one they particularly spoke about which was going out of the house...

I swear, people will always find something to judge...

Agreed! Someone has explicitly told me on this thread that they judge me for letting my children do the extra curricular activities that they actively want, and ask, to do 🤯

I think you may be missing the point. All your activities cost a lot of money.

Yes, no problem.
I’m knee deep in chemo and just saw red, even though my kids are young adults now.

I get why enrichment of all types, is key to a child’s life.

I've never seen any evidence of needing to be doing or outside in order to be well rounded. Though I do like to be outdoors. I have family members who are thinkers not doers and love to spend many hours thinking, inventing, experimenting, reading and cleaning out their fish. They like hanging out with family n friends doing sculpture and batik and listen to vinyl they tell me. 😎

I pack lunches and my kids know we don't buy from gift shops. If you're firm on it, it becomes normal, and they just enjoy the day. I take my kids out to free events all the time and only pay for travel. Eating out/gift shop would make it far too expensive

If you ask my son (6) what he's done, he'll talk about the new pokemon game i got for us to play on the switch this summer. He won't mention learning to ride a bike, day trips, duck feeding, martial arts (classes continue year round), how he learned to cook some basic things, playdates, baking, being out every weekend or annual leave day (we both work full time). He'll describe instead, in great detail, his new legendary pokemon...

I'm a homebody, as is my daughter (3), but we don't stay home for more than half a day unless someone is ill. We have no garden so they both (but mainly hyperactive ds) go nuts stuck home all day! Im burned out by the end of summer...

I love spending time at home with my kids.

Reading, drawing/painting, card games. Talking. Small house projects/deep cleaning, gardening, baking. I love having time to prepare and eat a slow, healthy lunch at home (and making packed lunches all through term time means I have no enthusiasm for making picnics!)

We've got a "no screens on weekdays" house rule, which makes it much easier (there's no pestering for more screen time, and I don't feel the need to get them out the house just to get them off their screens)

I don't think staying at home is a problem. I think it's about what you do with your kids. I personally don't think it's particularly healthy when I see parents who seemingly can't just be with their kids, and spend all summer schlepping them for hours every day in the car (headphones on, screens on) just to do some token activity that usually seems to involve eating junk food in a different location, then back home for another 4 hours of screen time. Not all days out are wholesome!

People have different circumstances, preferences, situations and budgets.

My 7 year old is flat out during term time. He does loads. We barely have a chance to blink.
On balance, he has quite an enriched life. But if you'd asked him last week he'd have said he'd not done much. Because we'd planned that. He likes reading, drawing, playing in the garden and listening to his music and watching TV just as much as he loves going out.

FWIW I am disabled and not naturally that curious. So I really have to gee myself up to be out and about all the time. It's different for everyone.