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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

379 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

OP posts:
jbm16 · 11/08/2025 00:27

You sound so smug, feel sorry for the mother in law, you clearly made her feel guilty she had to go out of her way to replace..

KittytheHare · 11/08/2025 00:37

Honestly, you sound like a nightmare. What a ridiculous fuss over nothing. Your poor MIL.

FeralWoman · 11/08/2025 00:50

Great outcome!

spoonbillstretford · 11/08/2025 01:12

MIL should have apologised, bought DD more products while she was on holiday, and texted DIL to ask what to buy. They just stood there while a pack of full sized toiletries were thrown away at the airport and thought that didn't matter? I can't understand someone being so careless about their mistake no matter what kind of treat they had organised. I wouldn't care about the money but would be annoyed that DDs didn't have the stuff they needed on holiday or felt uncomfortable with knotty hair and that I'd have to schlep out and buy it all again at once when they returned.

T1Dmama · 11/08/2025 01:22

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 00:20

UPDATE: MIL HAS REPLACED THE HAIR PRODUCTS!!

MIL popped round for coffee today (shitty, own brand instant coffee, don't worry), and we were chatting about the Holiday etc, when the subject of the binned hair products came up.
MIL and DH both found the subject amusing and at one point MIL said "I would have expected YOU to have been a bit more organised, don't you know the rules about liquids at airports" the "you" referring to the fact that I am generally joked about within the family as being very anal and precise about a lot of things, meticulously planning my budgets and my schedule, planning trips down to the minute, saving coupons etc. When they helped us move house they saw my extremely well organised socks drawers and found them hilarious etc etc, and I usually take the ribbing about my "analness" with good humour.
However they seemed to be quite smug and enjoying the fact that I had somehow been caught out and the titters and smug little glances to each other were severely getting on my tits.
So, (and I know I will get flamed as a nasty and ungrateful MIL hater for this next bit) I did pipe up and say "well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

Mumsnet, you know I didn't intend to say anything, and I totally wasn't going to but none of you were there, her and my DH sitting there smugly laughing at me was so good damn annoying. The kids had been driving me mad and I was really wound up. I was hot and bothered and had been running around the house like a madwoman getting it in a respectable state for her visit and I just wanted a nice coffee with my MIL (who I do actually like, very much) without being patronised and made to feel stupid and that smile when she admitted that she DID say the back would be checked in, was just a tad too smug and self satisfied for my liking.

And I'll tell you something else, that whole family is chaotic and disorganised as fuck and I really don't mind, I even love them for it, but they know full well that I am the organiser and that they can rely on me to be the one to cook Christmas dinner for a massive crowd of relatives, or be the one that has the wet wipes or the extra water bottle someone needs on a day out. She's not like that, and I think a part of her feels a bit inadequate (she's not, she's perfectly nice and normal) and was enjoying having one up on me a little bit too much.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not a saint and I couldn't let that slide. If I was at fault, I'd have admitted it, and laughed along but you know what mumsnetters? It bloody well wasn't so I went further. I did. I said this next bit and now I feel bad but I said it and that's that.

I said "and actually they weren't cheap products".

I said it as I was going back into the kitchen with the cups so I thought I'd just sort of let that land with her and that the subject would be changed when I got back.

But no, she starts spluttering and saying "oh.. sorry... I didn't realise.... what were they? What products were they? I'll get her some more..." wind taken totally out of her sails

And I immediately felt guilty and the wind was also taken out of my sales and I spluttered back "oh no, please don't worry, it doesn't matter, I was just saying..."

And we just sort of spluttered back and forth awkwardly, me brining up rhe fact that she'd done so much for DD, and her brining up that no, no, it was her fault really, both clearly feeling awkward and guilty while DH, the dick, just sort of sat between us and looked awkwardly back and forth.

But I went to the kitchen, and when I came back, the subject had indeed been changed by DH, who can apparently do something useful, and the rest of the visit passed pleasantly enough, we looked at more photos and chatted about this and that.

And then when leaving she said, "do please let me know what that hairstuff was, I'm off to Tesco now so I can pick them up" and I said "no, no don't worry"

Anyway, she bloody video calls DH while down the hair stuff aisle without my knowledge as I was in the garden, and he tells her he doesn't see them on the shelf (she shops at a different supermarket to us) so she bloody drives over to our usual supermarket and she video calls him again and she gets him to point out the products on the shelf to her and she buys them and brings them over.

Mortified. Absolutely mortified. But it would also be a massive lie to say I am not relieved and pleased to have them replaced. And so are my kids who were bloody starving having not had lunch, which I totally couldn't give them until the products were replaced, apparently.

So there you are people. I hope this has been a satisfying conclusion to this rather mundane tale that I honestly didn't expect to get more than 10 or so replies.

I shall leave you all to debate whether or not I am a MIL-hating entitled brat, speculate about whatever tiny detail I no doubt missed out, and await children's services knocking at my door to collect my lunch-deprived children.

Thank you all for your participation xx

Brilliant outcome!
I haven’t read all the posts by other Mumsnetters but I’d have done the same as you, I wouldn’t have allowed them to ridicule me for the next 30 years about ‘THAT’ time you were so silly and packed full sized bottles in hand luggage!!…
Im glad you were able to correct that and she admitted that she had said that… and glad she replaced the items …..
Honestly I think you all sound like a very normal family, and I think you sound lovely, and think your MIL sounds lovely too ❤️
Enjoy the rest of the summer and hey thank the lucky stars no one has to starve to death to find mousse 😂😂 love it!
And yes no way can you decant mousse…. Try it… it doesn’t just turn to liquid - it turns to VERY sticky liquid and is horrible!

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 11/08/2025 06:28

Oaktopus · 10/08/2025 02:57

I'd be mortified if I was the MIL in this situation and would want to replace the products.

That's sad that something worth around $20 would leave you mortified.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 11/08/2025 06:29

IntoTheFringe · 10/08/2025 07:11

"She didn't use any styling products and as a result, her hair looks crazy in all the photos and was very wild and tangled when she arrived home, but no big deal as long as she had fun."

She didn't.

Or this mum has unrealistic standards.

thisistoofunny · 11/08/2025 06:34

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Yeah, it's not funny and they should replace them.

BuckChuckets · 11/08/2025 06:45

FeralWoman · 11/08/2025 00:50

Great outcome!

I agree! I don't understand why OP is getting so much hate, MIL is in the wrong, misunderstanding or not, and she should have replaced them, so good job she did!

Treacletartfart · 11/08/2025 07:03

NeedUCAdviceplease · 10/08/2025 22:15

It's not shampoo

She's not going to go without lunch for a week. She's just going to go without the products, because replacing them costs the same as a week's worth of lunches.
No sane person is going without lunch because they lost hair products. OP has explained this, has said she only mentioned lunch to compare cost and highlight how expensive the products are to her, by comparing them with another expense in her budget.
The amount of people on here who genuinely think OP is starving her children for the sake of hair styling products is actually insane.

It seems like 70% of people on mumsnet don't read anything and the 30% that do can't comprehend what they are reading.

My gosh CHILL!

Hobbitfeet32 · 11/08/2025 08:01

Your poor MIL.

allmymonkeys · 11/08/2025 09:04

I love your MIL and I am so happy that the penny dropped and she has put things right.

Do Not Feel Bad. It was not your error, it cost you money, and she has done the right thing. Thank her graciously and warmly and then draw a line under it.

Jorge14 · 11/08/2025 09:10

I think you need to let it go, it’s annoying but your daughter got a holiday.

Hopingtobeaparent · 11/08/2025 09:16

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 00:20

UPDATE: MIL HAS REPLACED THE HAIR PRODUCTS!!

MIL popped round for coffee today (shitty, own brand instant coffee, don't worry), and we were chatting about the Holiday etc, when the subject of the binned hair products came up.
MIL and DH both found the subject amusing and at one point MIL said "I would have expected YOU to have been a bit more organised, don't you know the rules about liquids at airports" the "you" referring to the fact that I am generally joked about within the family as being very anal and precise about a lot of things, meticulously planning my budgets and my schedule, planning trips down to the minute, saving coupons etc. When they helped us move house they saw my extremely well organised socks drawers and found them hilarious etc etc, and I usually take the ribbing about my "analness" with good humour.
However they seemed to be quite smug and enjoying the fact that I had somehow been caught out and the titters and smug little glances to each other were severely getting on my tits.
So, (and I know I will get flamed as a nasty and ungrateful MIL hater for this next bit) I did pipe up and say "well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

Mumsnet, you know I didn't intend to say anything, and I totally wasn't going to but none of you were there, her and my DH sitting there smugly laughing at me was so good damn annoying. The kids had been driving me mad and I was really wound up. I was hot and bothered and had been running around the house like a madwoman getting it in a respectable state for her visit and I just wanted a nice coffee with my MIL (who I do actually like, very much) without being patronised and made to feel stupid and that smile when she admitted that she DID say the back would be checked in, was just a tad too smug and self satisfied for my liking.

And I'll tell you something else, that whole family is chaotic and disorganised as fuck and I really don't mind, I even love them for it, but they know full well that I am the organiser and that they can rely on me to be the one to cook Christmas dinner for a massive crowd of relatives, or be the one that has the wet wipes or the extra water bottle someone needs on a day out. She's not like that, and I think a part of her feels a bit inadequate (she's not, she's perfectly nice and normal) and was enjoying having one up on me a little bit too much.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not a saint and I couldn't let that slide. If I was at fault, I'd have admitted it, and laughed along but you know what mumsnetters? It bloody well wasn't so I went further. I did. I said this next bit and now I feel bad but I said it and that's that.

I said "and actually they weren't cheap products".

I said it as I was going back into the kitchen with the cups so I thought I'd just sort of let that land with her and that the subject would be changed when I got back.

But no, she starts spluttering and saying "oh.. sorry... I didn't realise.... what were they? What products were they? I'll get her some more..." wind taken totally out of her sails

And I immediately felt guilty and the wind was also taken out of my sales and I spluttered back "oh no, please don't worry, it doesn't matter, I was just saying..."

And we just sort of spluttered back and forth awkwardly, me brining up rhe fact that she'd done so much for DD, and her brining up that no, no, it was her fault really, both clearly feeling awkward and guilty while DH, the dick, just sort of sat between us and looked awkwardly back and forth.

But I went to the kitchen, and when I came back, the subject had indeed been changed by DH, who can apparently do something useful, and the rest of the visit passed pleasantly enough, we looked at more photos and chatted about this and that.

And then when leaving she said, "do please let me know what that hairstuff was, I'm off to Tesco now so I can pick them up" and I said "no, no don't worry"

Anyway, she bloody video calls DH while down the hair stuff aisle without my knowledge as I was in the garden, and he tells her he doesn't see them on the shelf (she shops at a different supermarket to us) so she bloody drives over to our usual supermarket and she video calls him again and she gets him to point out the products on the shelf to her and she buys them and brings them over.

Mortified. Absolutely mortified. But it would also be a massive lie to say I am not relieved and pleased to have them replaced. And so are my kids who were bloody starving having not had lunch, which I totally couldn't give them until the products were replaced, apparently.

So there you are people. I hope this has been a satisfying conclusion to this rather mundane tale that I honestly didn't expect to get more than 10 or so replies.

I shall leave you all to debate whether or not I am a MIL-hating entitled brat, speculate about whatever tiny detail I no doubt missed out, and await children's services knocking at my door to collect my lunch-deprived children.

Thank you all for your participation xx

Well done, OP!

Personally, It sounds like you should probably ‘pipe up’ more often! DH for one!!

And don’t feel guilty, feel grateful.

Yes, it was a genuine error in the moment, an oversight to think of toiletries when changing the plans, I may have done the same, and I’m fairly organised too. And I’d have been bloody annoyed at myself for ages!!

However, for their piss taking attitude towards you alone, quite right they should buy them again! Cheeky fuckers!

istheresomethingishouldsay · 11/08/2025 09:58

Personally, I'm glad she replaced the products. I'd have been quite pissed off, too, to be sat there between her and my 'd'H being smug about MY supposed disorganisation when the fault was on her side over this. Only reason I would have said something as well. Glad you did, OP!

And i'd pull up your 'd'H for allowing that discussion to carry on mocking you, frankly, when he knew fine well you hadn't been the one to plan poorly!

Askingforafriendtoday · 11/08/2025 10:12

Brilliant post, OP. You sound lovely. MIL sounds lovely. Lovely conclusion. Will your children get an ice cream each to celebrate? You can get a box of them quite clearly in some supermarkets!

diddl · 11/08/2025 10:15

So when realising that the products were expensive MIL replaced them?

"well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

So a perfectly reasonable exchange?

Perhaps if your husband didn't treat you so shittily that would be a help?

comeandhaveteawithme · 11/08/2025 10:25

diddl · 11/08/2025 10:15

So when realising that the products were expensive MIL replaced them?

"well, you know, you DID say that the suitcase was going in the hold, and it also said so on the itinerary you gave me, so actually that's why I packed full size in her suitcase and not in her backpack" and she just smiled and said "oh yes, well, yes, I suppose we did say that".

So a perfectly reasonable exchange?

Perhaps if your husband didn't treat you so shittily that would be a help?

He's just a complete wet blanket when it's his mother tbh.

He's not like this in any situation other than those involving his mum.

OP posts:
Oldwmn · 11/08/2025 10:28

DiscoBob · 09/08/2025 12:44

She bought your daughter a holiday and you want her to pay for products that were thrown away? Did your daughter or you choose to use that suitcase? If so then it's your fault.

I'd be mortified if I was your mum and was asked for £27 above and beyond a holiday that cost many hundreds.

I strongly recommend that you reread OP's story. I'd be livid if that happened to one of my kids.

Lievre · 11/08/2025 10:58

This is not ‘hate’ for the OP btw, I can see why she’d be irritated to lose these products. However, I’d have been very grateful that MIL had taken her away in the hols. We had zero help with childcare as our parents were too far away to help. I suspect the issue with the hair products is a sign of a less than harmonious relationship or why make such a mountain out of a mole hill …

dalbyduck · 11/08/2025 13:47

Liquids on hand luggage must be less than 100 ml ahd all go in one small plastic bag... Therefore things like lipgloss and mascara count as liquids must go in the plastic bag. I have been caught out . Also if u want a small bag to go in the hold you must state this when booking you don't decide when u get to the Airport. Surprisingly this also costs extra money. You must be aware of all the little extra pitfalls in your way when u pay to go on holiday. Be thankful it wasnot a £50 bottle of aftershave thrown in the bin.

NeedUCAdviceplease · 11/08/2025 13:53

dalbyduck · 11/08/2025 13:47

Liquids on hand luggage must be less than 100 ml ahd all go in one small plastic bag... Therefore things like lipgloss and mascara count as liquids must go in the plastic bag. I have been caught out . Also if u want a small bag to go in the hold you must state this when booking you don't decide when u get to the Airport. Surprisingly this also costs extra money. You must be aware of all the little extra pitfalls in your way when u pay to go on holiday. Be thankful it wasnot a £50 bottle of aftershave thrown in the bin.

Please read the thread abd updates, omg 🤦‍♀️

MemorableLlama · 11/08/2025 14:00

I’ve said you’re unreasonable because it’s £20 and they were doing you a favour. It was a genuine mistake and DD enjoyed herself. So presumably you’re grateful that they took her.
You haven’t had to feed her for several days so the money you’ve saved on food you can spend on re-buying the hair products.
Or let her hair look wild for the rest of the summer holidays and buy the products at the end of August just before school starts.

Cherrysoup · 11/08/2025 14:46

olympicsrock · 10/08/2025 11:52

Give DD hair a good cut so that she needs far less hair product to look presentable. And maybe unclench too !

Doesn’t really work if you have extremely curly hair unless it’s shorn to the skull, which I did one year when I was fed up of having to lather on product to keep it vaguely presentable.

Cherrysoup · 11/08/2025 15:02

Oh my giddy aunt, the amount of people blaming the OP for not decanting into 100 or 150ml bottles, goodness me! 100ml would no way last me a week.

As for expensive hair products, if I use bog standard leave in supermarket or even branded conditioner, then my hair doesn’t ‘last’ all day. It will drop, become frizzy etc. Tresemme, someone mentioned, all very well, but if I touch my hair with this on, it showers my shoulders as it dries so I appear to have serious dandruff!

I use Lee Stafford curly conditioner, doesn’t flake off, can’t get it in a supermarket (I have Asda, Sainsbury, Aldi, Lidl, Tesco nearby) so if I lose it, I’m a bit stuffed. It’s about £9 for 250ml, not horrendous, lasts about a month, the associated shampoo lasts a lot longer, although I’m not fussy re brand as long as there are no sulphites.