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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

379 replies

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/08/2025 08:50

It was not checked in because DD had a beautiful new Laura Ashely suitcase, bought by my mum (again, very generous) that she was very attached to and didn't want to hand over

So your daughter threw down about wanting to keep hold of her case and now it’s someone else’s fault?

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 09:00

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/08/2025 08:50

It was not checked in because DD had a beautiful new Laura Ashely suitcase, bought by my mum (again, very generous) that she was very attached to and didn't want to hand over

So your daughter threw down about wanting to keep hold of her case and now it’s someone else’s fault?

And there was money to buy this beautiful new suitcase, but losing the hair care products is affecting her food budget.

This is just so ludicrous.

NeedUCAdviceplease · 10/08/2025 09:20

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 09:00

And there was money to buy this beautiful new suitcase, but losing the hair care products is affecting her food budget.

This is just so ludicrous.

Show quote history

Did you miss the bit where the OP said her mum bought the suitcase?
It's literally there in the text you quoted

bakebeans · 10/08/2025 09:31

I have put that you are being unreasonable. Was your daughter going away for a month or two? Why didn’t you put them in travel size bottles if it was so expensive.

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 10/08/2025 09:45

@comeandhaveteawithme What are the products please? Asking for my 10yo with crazy frizzy hair…

And to answer the original Q: yes, I would be annoyed even if, like you, I wouldn’t feel like I could say anything.

CunningLinguist2 · 10/08/2025 09:48

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Rule is 100 ml (but some airports now have special scanners so the rule doesn’t apply. Easily checked on websites).
A PITA that they took it as hand luggage & the products got confiscated, but I’d suck it up TBH.

lizzyBennet08 · 10/08/2025 10:45

Another one who thinks you are pretty mean spirited about this.

  1. when you factor in taxes and charges flights tto ireland are more than £25 each way It feels rather mean of you to down play their contribution by saying 'they didn't pay for food 'etc particularly when they were going to visit fil family not mil so they weren't under pressure to include her but just chose to in order to give her a lovely treat
  2. it was an honest mistake
  3. they probably wouldn't have thought even jf they had remembered the hair care that it was anything other than just reg child's shampoo and conditioner
  4. The fact that you were irritated enough to create a post on here about your mil says a lot about how you feel about her. It's clear you don't like her. I think you should just own that.
EastGrinstead · 10/08/2025 11:23

It was not checked in because DD had a beautiful new Laura Ashely suitcase, bought by my mum (again, very generous) that she was very attached to and didn't want to hand over and MIL decided to indulge her and let her keep it with her. No-one thought of the hair products until they were being chucked in a bin

Your MIL would have paid at least £50+ to purchase a check-in bag for your DD.

Your DD didn't want to hand her new suitcase over.

So your MIL would then have had to pay an additional £40 to purchase a carry-on at the airport.

And you seriously think she should pay you back for some hair products that weren't allowed through?

That’s not just ungrateful - it’s astonishingly entitled

olympicsrock · 10/08/2025 11:52

Give DD hair a good cut so that she needs far less hair product to look presentable. And maybe unclench too !

beachwalkx · 10/08/2025 12:16

Having hair cut can make it worse, sometimes it needs the weight to sit right. Mine is much easier when it’s longer
people really don’t get it, even if I have mine above my shoulders it’s still taking 40 mins to dry

pinkfondu · 10/08/2025 12:18

Your DH is a cock

DangerousAlchemy · 10/08/2025 14:23

I think OP that for future short trips just buy 100 ml plastic bottles and decant expensive haircare products into those? I have long, very thick wavy hair and this is what I do. Plus I probably wouldn't even wash my hair whilst away for 5 days as I'd normally only wash it every 5-7 days anyway. Be careful you aren't washing/styling your DD hair too often as lots of hair doesn't need washing so often as it strips out the natural oils.

Askingforafriendtoday · 10/08/2025 17:54

B1anche · 09/08/2025 12:54

No. Your mother-in-law very kindly took your child on holiday and you are quibbling about a few pounds' worth of toiletries? It was an unfortunate mistake. You could seriously damage the relationship if you bring this up with her. Be grateful that you have someone so kind and generous in your life who can treat your child to holidays.

This

Lievre · 10/08/2025 17:57

I’d count my blessings that your DD has been taken on holiday. Not sure if you had clarified the liquid situation beforehand. These decisions at airports are often made at the last minute so I’m sure just an oversight.
Hopefully your daughter can manage without some products for the rest of the hols or maybe if she is older then perhaps earn some pocket money to pay for more

ADRV · 10/08/2025 18:04

Let it go. Older people don’t think like younger people - I’m sure there was no malice in it despite it being foolish. Don‘t let it eat you up.

dcthatsme · 10/08/2025 18:05

I don't think your MIL should reimburse you - she made a mistake and probably hasn't thought much about it since. Like you, I would be peed off at this, but no one has done anything bad. I would, as you suggest, suck it up and move on. It's lovely that your MIL took your DS away. I don't think it's worth stressing over this when there could be so many worse things happening than losing some hair products. Of course it is annoying especially if you can't afford to replace them straightaway but hopefully you can replace them in a few weeks' time.

hcee19 · 10/08/2025 18:12

Why create problems? Your mil, treated her granddaughter and you want to make an issue over shampoo, say nothing and let it go...!

OMGitsnotgood · 10/08/2025 18:20

comeandhaveteawithme · 10/08/2025 00:03

Thank you, and in future if she is being taken away by anyone other than us, I will.

But I don't think decanting them as a general rule is a particularly reasonable thing to expect people to do, and certainly don't understand the PP who said it annoys her when he nieces bring full-sized bottles. Seems an odd thing to be annoyed about. If you're allowed them in your hold luggage, they're not too heavy and you can spare the space, and plan to bring them back again, then I really don't see the issue nor see any reason to fart about decanting things that don't need decanting. I certainly don't see any reason for it to annoy you when other people do it with their own stuff.

Obviously decanting things you know are going in carry-on luggage is a different matter and an obvious thing to do.

Edited
Show quote history

I always decant toiletries, even when checking in baggage, especially for such a short trip and absolutely for expensive products. It’s really not an unreasonable thing to do, full size products weigh more than you seem to think and I’f rather take an extra pair of shoes.

Howver that doesn’t help your current situation.

If I were the MIL in that situation, I would offer to replace the products, especially if I knew your financial situation, as I would feel responsible.

But if I was in your position, I wouldn’t expect my MIL to replace them (sorry, I can’t see past the not decanting for a short trip , and I couldn’t have spent that kind of money on hair products if I was struggling to make ends meet)

Maybe for now you don’t replace everything with your preferred products, replace the absolutely essential and make do with less expensive versions for the non-essential stuff. I bet if you asked MN for lower cost version of X, Y, z products there’d be someone who can help.

Poppingmad123 · 10/08/2025 18:32

MIL may not know the cost of these products esp
if she doesn’t buy or use them herself. It also sounds like you did not make it explicitly clear why this bag is not suitable for hold-all luggage. Did you not tell either your MIL or your daughter about this?

If you had made it clear and they ignored you, then I would speak to them about it. Sorry this is a big expense for you but lesson learnt. I wouldn’t ask MIL to replace the products though as she did take your daughter on holiday.

I would use alternative cheaper products until you can afford them again as it teaches your daughter actions = consequences too.

Basically not worth the drama or falling out over. Everyone, learn from it.

ACynicalDad · 10/08/2025 18:34

It would be nice if she offered to pay, but if she hasn't having paid for a holiday I'd suck that one up and buy myself.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 10/08/2025 18:34

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

YABU. She had no way of knowing products were so expensive but should’ve checked items in hold as requested/expected.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 10/08/2025 18:40

I'm glad you're not going to ask about the hair products. It was an oversight that they hadn't been put into appropriate sized containers. £27 ( however much needed) is a small cost for your child's holiday
You are lucky to have such a generous m.in.l.
Glad that you are going to display the same generosity and forget it. Your hubby is however being a 'twit'

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 10/08/2025 18:47

I think you could try and see if her dad would contribute towards replacement hair products but I don't think you should expect the mother in law to cough up. Sorry.

Trendyname · 10/08/2025 18:54

B1anche · 09/08/2025 12:54

No. Your mother-in-law very kindly took your child on holiday and you are quibbling about a few pounds' worth of toiletries? It was an unfortunate mistake. You could seriously damage the relationship if you bring this up with her. Be grateful that you have someone so kind and generous in your life who can treat your child to holidays.

I agree with this. You sound very angry over a mistake.

Blades2 · 10/08/2025 18:56

Why didn’t you just give her small travel bottles? Accidents happen and her hair stuff could easily have burst all over her stuff in a suitcase.
I’d be told to fuck right off if I asked my thankfully now ex , mil, to replace things while my child was in her care.