Page 12 | To think MIL should replace DD's hair products?

Booboobagins · 10/08/2025 18:57

@comeandhaveteawithme hindsight is a wonderful thing, right? You or yoyr DH probably should have had a conversation with MIL about what liquids were in your DDs case - noone is going to pay £50 to put into hold £27 worth of liquids!

The responsibility is with you and your DH not your MIL.

BTW I do get where your coming from. My dd has enough hair for 2 or 3 people according to hairdressers and its got a curl, so she keeps her hair lob length and uses specific products too, so I know what you mean about how expensive they are. I'd probably look for products for her hair type that are on offer and google to identify different home remedies you can try. BTW, the Treseme Wow products I use ((fine curl hair, urgh) is on offer at ocado.

Good luck finding an alternative.

waterrat · 10/08/2025 18:58

this is a classic themed mumsnet thread.

someone on a low income has dared to buy something other than the cheapest possible bread and dripping or whatever is on sale in Lidl. They have DARED to buy some products to keep their child looking neat that they can't afford to replace immediately .

Know your place OP

If I took a child away - for whatever reason - and my own decision / forgetfulness meant their specific hair products were thrown away brand new, I would replace them!

Bowies · 10/08/2025 19:09

No, it’s annoying but just one of those things. I wouldn’t blame MIL, especially as the context was an excited DD travelling without you and unwilling to part with her new suitcase.

Obviously DD needs sun cream, but the luxury hair products are items that she will have to manage without, until next month’s replacements.

YDBear · 10/08/2025 19:14

Hang on. The suitcase wasn’t checked in because the daughter pleaded for it int to be and nobody gave a thought about the contents? Sounds like it’s the OP’s fault for not making sure the child realised the suitcase HAD to be checked, come what may. The MIL just surrendered to pester power as one does. OP needs to educate their daughter. If my mother had said to me at that age “this has to go in the hold” I wouldn’t for a minute have tried to plead otherwise.

Limehawkmoth · 10/08/2025 19:25

Can’t help IHT what’s happened op, but in future you can buy empty 100ml pump or spray bottles and decant hair products in those. Or little pots for hair wax stuff. Ok, if you’re using mousse that’s more of challenge but probably time then to find a back up alternative for travel that can be decanted.

i travelled a lot for work and long hauls. A 100ml pump and spray pot would last me over 2 weeks..plenty as you say. And will happily get through hand luggage

(obviously for 2 weeks plus I had hold case but never packed toiletries in it as cases go astray, or planes cancelled and wanted my basics on me at all times)

JustMeAndTheFish · 10/08/2025 19:29

comeandhaveteawithme · 10/08/2025 00:06

See this is what annoyed me (and I'd like to stress my annoyance is proportional, a mild irritation tbh, I did not expect this to blow up)

I would have thought that seeing the hair products being thrown away, she might have thought "oops, I fucked up there, I better make a stop and get her some more" because it's certainly what I would have done if it were me.

But they didn't even mention it at all. I had to text and ask her where they were and if she had them at her house before she even told me what had happened to them.

Show quote history

This is the bit I don’t get, why didn’t MIL when confronted with airport security wanting to throw products away, just say put it in the hold? Which is what we’ve paid for?

Ymiryboo · 10/08/2025 19:30

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

I’ve been in your positions where every penny counts and it bloody sucks and it sucks that they didn’t think when chucking the products the impact it would have. Unfortunately I think it’s quite unlikely you’ll be able to ask for the money back will out people labelling you cheap.

Depending on your relationship with MiL could you have an honest conversation with her about money being so tight and needing th products? I hope she has a heart

JJMama · 10/08/2025 19:32

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Your issue isn’t mother in law, it’s her son, your ‘D’ H. Taking the piss and being useless. Get him to replace the hair stuff.

HevenlyMeS · 10/08/2025 19:35

Yes completely concur
It's rotten of her husband to find this humorous & be mocked
If he finds it so funny, he should do some overtime & purchase more products for their delightful daughter 💚✨💚

HevenlyMeS · 10/08/2025 19:36

Yes, just read your compassionate comment & I've virtually expressed the same idea - Mocking husband should pay! 🙏

Hobbitfeet32 · 10/08/2025 19:37

your mum can afford designer suitcases and your child spent the week on a country estate riding the family horses. If it’s that big a deal just ask them for the money. I’m sure they’d reimburse you if they have that kind of money.

allmymonkeys · 10/08/2025 19:39

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be flipping annoyed about the waste of money, but I don't think MIL should necessarily have replaced the confiscated items. How old is your daughter? And whose decision was it not to check the suitcase in to the hold?

So as not to let it fester I think it would be reasonable to express your annoyance but I can't help feeling this is actually better seen as a lesson learned for DD (assuming she's old enough) - namely that what you save in convenience can end up costing you lunch for a week.

Your DH has obviously misunderstood the situation. Would he like to chip in, perhaps, as a penalty for sniggering and instead of being poked in the eye?

Kelly1969 · 10/08/2025 19:39

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

Omg 😳 how much did your MIL spend on taking your DD on holiday abroad?!
yes it could have been better thought out but did mil have to pay extra for the suitcase to go into the hold?
£27 is a bargain price for your daughter to have a holiday abroad, let it go!

Kelly1969 · 10/08/2025 19:41

autienotnaughty · 09/08/2025 13:08

My in-laws constantly lost stuff when dd was little, id be like “dds sundress isn’t in the changing bag” and they would be like “oh it might have got left at the beach” do mancy clothes, dummies, even a coat once! I only sent the cheapest stuff but it still added up. The time they lost the controls for the switch were the worst tho.
im like you id want to say something but wouldn’t feel able to. Next time only send cheap products , a couple of hair washes won’t make a difference.

Perhaps you shouldn’t have let your child go, then you take her away at your own expense

theresnolimits · 10/08/2025 19:45

Also you haven’t lost the full £27. She would have used some of it in the holiday so they would have come back say 1/3 less? I’m guessing MIL supplied alternatives and they were acceptable.

diddl · 10/08/2025 19:46

This is the bit I don’t get, why didn’t MIL when confronted with airport security wanting to throw products away, just say put it in the hold? Which is what we’ve paid for?

Wouldn't they then have had to go back out from security & check the bag in?

Blanknotebook · 10/08/2025 19:46

If your daughter had a lovely holiday then I would just suck it up and move on. It’s not worth risking bad feelings with your MIL. You saved money on food and entertainment for your daughter during that week. Just let it go, I don’t think that it was done maliciously, it was just a mistake.

Kelly1969 · 10/08/2025 19:51

Pancakeorcrepe · 09/08/2025 17:54

Exactly!
I don’t think @NeedUCAdviceplease is a very financially literate person. If your budget is so tight that £20 is a problem (the sun cream was replaced anyway), you wouldn’t splurge on expensive toiletries. You would focus on saving money where possible so that unexpected expenses would not be such an issue.
It is not a matter of budgeting, it is a matter of affording. If by OPs description that money for lunches is now a problem because of a £20 unexpected expense, I would argue she cannot afford these products.

Show quote history

Totally agree, plus op has saved on a week or two lunches while child away, and any other expenses or activities she’d be paying for if she were home, not to mention ruin the cost of a holiday abroad.

Kelly1969 · 10/08/2025 19:54

Lots of very entitled people on here expecting the MIL to pay for toiletries after taking their DGD on a holiday abroad!
£27 for a weeks childcare, food, activities, accommodation and flights, seriously 🙄🙄🙄

amusedbush · 10/08/2025 19:58

OneNeatBlueOrca · 10/08/2025 07:51

Or cut her hair if it's that long that it's unmanageable.

Show quote history

As someone who grew up with curly, frizzy hair before decent styling products (or straighteners) were available, I can tell you that’s a terrible idea. Taking the weight out of the hair will make it spring up and look even curlier.

Her hair would still need the same products if it was shorter, but it would also need to be styled every day.

amusedbush · 10/08/2025 20:00

theresnolimits · 10/08/2025 19:45

Also you haven’t lost the full £27. She would have used some of it in the holiday so they would have come back say 1/3 less? I’m guessing MIL supplied alternatives and they were acceptable.

She didn’t. OP said in an update that her DD’s hair looked unkempt in the holiday photos and was very tangled when she got home.

bumbaloo · 10/08/2025 20:05

I find it remarkable that you are struggling to the penny yet your MIL takes your dd on holiday abroad. I find it odd that parents wouldn’t help out a tiny bit over the holidays if they can afford holidays abroad.

Putneydad7 · 10/08/2025 20:07

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 12:40

MIL recently took DD away on Holiday, for which I am of course very grateful.

I packed her a hand luggage backpack and a small suitcase. I obviously put any liquids over 150ml in her suitcase, which I was told would be checked into the hold.

Once at the airport, they decided DD's suitcase was small enough to go on as hand luggage so they didn't bother checking it in.

Subsequently, all of DD's hair products were confiscated and thrown away. She has long, thick hair that can be difficult to manage so I buy her certain products that we've tried and tested that work on her hair, the products total about £20. Also confiscated was a bottle of sun cream that costs £7.

We don't have a lot of spare money, and still have four weeks of the Summer Holidays left to go and need any spare cash we have. I can't really spend an extra £27 replacing these products that were almost full when I packed them and have now just been chucked in the bin. My Summer Holiday plans and budget are very carefully calculated. £27 is lunches for the week.

It is reasonable to think MIL should have bought her new stuff? I'm not going to ask her, but should she have replaced them? or AIBU and should just suck it up because she took her away and treated her?
DH just thinks it's all my fault and seems to think it somewhat amusing that I "still don't know liquid rules at airports" 🙄

It costs money to put a bag in the hold. Your MIL didn’t want to pay that. She should have told you but I’m guessing that message was lost in translation. You don’t “decide” to carry on a bag that you’d paid £30+ to check in. So my guess it was always due to be checked in

Kelly1969 · 10/08/2025 20:09

comeandhaveteawithme · 09/08/2025 23:40

I'm back!

I am sorry, I posted this, forgot about it put it to the back of my mind and was busy with family stuff. I haven't checked my emails all day, and I had no idea this would be so popular.

Hello

I will answer some questions - although I would have preferred to keep these details out as I don't particularly want to be recognised.

DD, who is 9, went for 5 nights to Ireland to stay with MIL's husband's relatives. And while I am extremely grateful no matter how much the holiday cost, it wasn't the long and expensive package Holiday somewhere hot that some of you are imagining, just in case that's relevant. MIL did generously pay for flights, which I think were about £50 plus whatever she paid for baggage, plus take her on a day out, but it was mostly spent playing in the family home which is a large country estate, playing with the step-FIL's family kids, and riding their horses. She didn't buy any of the food either, although I believe she offered. A wonderful, memory filled Holiday, but not hugely expensive, if that's relevant.

It also isn't a hot country, with the weather being more or less the same as here, which hasn't been great (its nicer now she's back - sod's law), so I put the sun cream, which was unopened, in as a precaution, and I wouldn't have expected it to come back all used, and even if it had, my DD would have at least got use out of it and no-one's money would have been wasted.

I also would not have expected all of the hair products to be used after only 5 nights. You only use a very small amount daily and they usually last a month. I had had them three or four days before I packed them.

It was not shampoo or conditioner, they were styling products. Not essential but they do make her hair tamer, neater and manageable. I use cheap, tesco own brand shampoos, you'll all be pleased to hear. I wanted her to look nice on Holiday. I didn't pack any shampoo but MIL did bathe her and use a shampoo and conditioner, I have no idea what brand. She didn't use any styling products and as a result, her hair looks crazy in all the photos and was very wild and tangled when she arrived home, but no big deal as long as she had fun. Her toothpaste, by the way, was under 100ml so wasn't chucked.

Yes, I was clearly verbally told the luggage was going to be checked in. I was even given a copy of the paperwork and could clearly see that hold luggage for each passenger (MIL, her husband, her friend, and DD) had been booked and paid for. I therefore had no reason to suspect luggage wouldn't be checked in.
It was not checked in because DD had a beautiful new Laura Ashely suitcase, bought by my mum (again, very generous) that she was very attached to and didn't want to hand over and MIL decided to indulge her and let her keep it with her. No-one thought of the hair products until they were being chucked in a bin.
I didn't think the case would not be checked in because a) I had clearly been informed otherwise and b) I actually didn't think it and small enough and I'm still surprised it was and I didn't think you were allowed more than one bag? She carried both the backpack and suitcase into the cabin with her.

I didn't give a hair care handover but DH, who drove them to the airport, was responsible for giving a handover as the last parent to be with her and the one to be actually handing her over and obviously as her dad, he is just as aware of her hair routine as I am.

What else was there? Oh yes, I shouldn't buy my DD expensive hair care products if I'm so poor (I'm paraphrasing). Well, I spend £20 on her looking nice and presentable (mainly with school in mind) every month in my big monthly shop. It's budgeted into my shopping and it's perfectly manageable. I have also tried many products (including the lidl brands suggested) and I know what works well for us.
However, if I have to buy these twice because they've been thrown away, then that's £40 I have to budget for instead of £20, and that's a little less manageable and means less other things. It doesn't mean I cant afford £20 on hair products and it certainly doesn't mean they don't get lunch, so please can people stop saying that, for goodness sake.
It means that once I've done my monthly shop, and paid my bills, I have a specific amount left for other things, and during the school Holidays when there is more to pay for, this amount is very specific, so I don't want to have to spend some of it on replacing something I've already bought.
I am grateful to the people that understood this and didn't make rude comments or give patronising "advice".

As I said in my OP, I'm not going to ask the MIL to pay. I was merely curious as to whether other people agreed that I felt she should have. Thank you to the people that joined in but the patronising and rude comments have sadly made me wish I hadn't bothered.

I'm sure people will nitpick at this reply and that I will be back XD

So, your DD wanted to keep the nice case you bought her, but you didn’t predict that before the flight but you expected MIL to predict what was in the case?
What a shame it wasn’t a more expense holiday in a hot climate, regardless you had 5 days of childcare (worth its weight in gold) plus all other expenses.
Doesn’t matter who paid for the food, DD would be benefiting from it if MIL hadn’t taken her.

croydon15 · 10/08/2025 20:14

Your MIL took your child on holiday and you expect her to replace the hair products, perhaps you should have decanter them in 100ml containers which make the case lighter and solve the problem, it's partly your fault.