Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I can't tell you how disgusting I think he is. I've never once shit myself no matter how drunk I've been, not ever. How do you even get that drunk without going into a coma?
But I think this is an important lesson for you in self reliance. You must make sure you are competent enough to drive any car and find your way around on your own with the kids no matter what. You now know you can't ever rely on him to be there as a normal father and husband.

Did he actually want to go?

Thanks for the suggestions, I have considered driving myself but I’m just not comfortable looking at how a 2 hour journey is currently showing nearer 3 with traffic/road closures. It’s an unfamiliar route and I’ll have two kids in the back.

I am going to take them out for the morning so husband can have some peace and get himself sorted out without the usual chaos, and I can then review again after lunch.

He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.

A grown man got so drunk, he soiled himself.....!

I could never get in a bed with someone like that again. Christ almighty. I wouldn't want my dcs growing up with that for a father.

I'd leave. Or kick him out. Just revolting.

I think you are being far too considerate of him here OP. You don’t need to get out of the house to give him ‘peace’ - his sorry state is entirely self inflicted.

You need to find your anger. What he has done is not okay, but you seem to have accepted it without so much as a proper apology.

I see the 12yr olds are out to play on MN today.

Pack the car and tell him you're still going later. I'd want him definitely not still over the limit though.

My exDP was so drunk one night that he vomited in the bed. Fortunately I was away at the time, getting my house ready to rent out. He had been getting so drunk that he had been vomiting at least once a week for months at that point.

I only went back to his house to move my stuff out.

This is beyond disgusting.

My exDP was so drunk one night that he vomited in the bed. Fortunately I was away at the time, getting my house ready to rent out. He had been getting so drunk that he had been vomiting at least once a week for months at that point, but at least he was throwing up in the loo.

I only went back to his house to move my stuff out.

You're clearly gonna let it go... this time please grow a back bone and tell him. Are you always this pliable? This is your life 😰 and your kids life.

Fine you don't want to drive but look what he's done and get angry! Otherwise believe me you're in for a lifetime of him doing what he wants letting you down and ruining everything. He lied about eating out for a meal, he got absolutely slaughtered and shit himself come on! And ruined your kid's holiday :(

I would take your car and let him sleep in the car.

Tell him to shower before you leave and then have a carby breakfast/lunch when you get there.

You don’t need to take lots of things.
A couple changes of clothes and toiletries.

I think it was a bit of an oversight planning an evening out and then having a drive the next morning but I guess he told himself he’d only have a couple.

You’ll be absolutely fine driving.
Don’t miss out on your holiday over it.

So drunk hes sick and soiling himself isnt normal. I hope hes ashamed

Give him peace without the usual chaos? Wtf hes just ruined your weekend away! Get peppa pig on full blast and fill them kids full of sugar! He would not be resting in my house!

beer festival or not, hes a grown man. So basically youve forgiven him to keep the peace? Fgs op 😆🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Your husband is discusting! I’d have gone alone with my kids. A three hour drive split in half for a lunch stop would have been absolutely fine! The day you need to rely on a man (particularly one who soils himself) is a seriously bad day!

This is so sad.

His lack of respect for you and your children is appalling.

I think you need to take a look at relationship dynamics.

He took a shit on your front seat and your giving him a peaceful morning?

Your husband is discusting! I’d have gone alone with my kids. A three hour drive split in half for a lunch stop would have been absolutely fine! The day you need to rely on a man (particularly one who soils himself) is a seriously bad day!

You are making excuses for him. Nobody under-estimates alcohol content to that extent. When this has calmed down you need to have a good think about his general behaviour around alcohol, this is not normal.

Instead of looking at the negatives of the journey, look at the positives.

Break the journey up by stopping off somewhere if you feel the drive is too long. Make it light, stop and have some ice cream, and carry on again.

I absolutely think you need to make a point here OP. You are just allowing him to destroy all your plans in one fell swoop. And you are replying by saying, OK okay then we will just go out so you can sleep peacefully. Wtf.

Has he railroaded plans previously?

You come across as you walk on eggshells around him.

Your DH has behaved like a total knob and has a LOT of making up to do. I wouldn't feel comfortable driving with two young kids either if the roads were very busy with lots of diversions to navigate. I would go out with the kids for the morning/best part of the day - soft play, farm park etc so that I wasn't in the house getting more worked up. Hopefully, you'll be able to all go late afternoon. He def has some major making up to do to all his family and your mum.

To the posters saying they'll divorce their husband for this. Yes I completely get that it's disgusting and a major ick.. but would you really leave your partner and father of your two kids over one (albeit gross) mistake if it were to be never repeated and the person was extremely remorseful?! Obviously, it would be different if it was an affair.

'He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.'
Rubbish. He was an irresponsible non parent and I would make him aware of this.

Some posters are suggesting you go alone.

I personally wouldn’t as I think that would be unfair to you.
You’d have to entertain 2 kids whilst he gets the weekend to himself.

The drive is not that far.
Wake him up and tell him to shower.
Take your car and just the essentials and stop half way.

You're going out to give him some 'peace'. If your not up for the drive let the kids stay in and make as much noise possible - let him have a banging headache.

You also touched and washed his clothes last night! Why? I would have made him chuck his clothes into his car and hosed himself down outside. Then at least when he was sober, he'd have to sort his own shit out.

So not only has he ruined your plans, you are left alone with his kids, you're giving him peace and you've literally cleaned up his shit. As well as this, your allowing him to explain. Clearly youl forget this and move on and there'll be no repercussions for him.

God I hope your mum speaks some sense and tells him that he also ruined her night and was a disgusting pig. I hope he's embarrassed and ashamed - although this might not be the case with the shite excuses he's coming up with.

Hes not remorseful tho, hes blaming it on the %beer at the festival 🤭 “it wasnt my fault honest luv”