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Original poster

Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

1000 replies

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 09:06

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 09/08/2025 10:57

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 10:42

Thanks for the suggestions, I have considered driving myself but I’m just not comfortable looking at how a 2 hour journey is currently showing nearer 3 with traffic/road closures. It’s an unfamiliar route and I’ll have two kids in the back.

I am going to take them out for the morning so husband can have some peace and get himself sorted out without the usual chaos, and I can then review again after lunch.

He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.

He’ll still be over the limit after lunch. Up to you if you want to risk someone under the influence of alcohol to drive you and your kids a 3 hour journey away….
where are you staying? If you go tomorrow, do you need to let them know you’ll be arriving another day so you’re not a no show?
personally I wouldn’t let a man have that power over me. Do you only go to places you know how to get to? I would no way let him ruin my holiday.

Catpiece · 09/08/2025 10:59

If he’d wanted to go he wouldn’t have got in that state

InSpainTheRain · 09/08/2025 11:00

That would be a deal breaker for me on the whole relationship. Beyond grim and completely out of control. I'd honestly find it hard to fancy him ever again. I hope your entire holiday isnt messed up OP.

Frankenpug23 · 09/08/2025 11:02

Personperson · 09/08/2025 10:49

You're clearly gonna let it go... this time please grow a back bone and tell him. Are you always this pliable? This is your life 😰 and your kids life.

Fine you don't want to drive but look what he's done and get angry! Otherwise believe me you're in for a lifetime of him doing what he wants letting you down and ruining everything. He lied about eating out for a meal, he got absolutely slaughtered and shit himself come on! And ruined your kid's holiday :(

Show quote history

This 100%

I would also have used his credit card to book an uber/ train/ coach and would have gone with the kids!!!

He knew what he was doing and he has totally ruined the weekend- he won’t be sober enough by this afternoon!!

The other thing he needs to do is call your Mum and apologise!!

IcyMint · 09/08/2025 11:04

He won’t be able to drive today.

ChiliFiend · 09/08/2025 11:04

Cucy · 09/08/2025 10:57

Some posters are suggesting you go alone.

I personally wouldn’t as I think that would be unfair to you.
You’d have to entertain 2 kids whilst he gets the weekend to himself.

The drive is not that far.
Wake him up and tell him to shower.
Take your car and just the essentials and stop half way.

Agree with this - you'll give him a lovely peaceful weekend on his own to get over his hangover and potter about doing nothing. Definitely don't go without him if it will make your own experience any harder.

Jujujudo · 09/08/2025 11:06

Can you cope with driving the two children yourself? I think you should go, even if it’s challenging. My reasoning is that it sets a clear boundary for him while the children are little, that his behaviour is unacceptable to you and you’ll continue with your plans while he stews in his own (literal) excrement at home.
If you stay then you’ll argue and he’ll be defensive and it’s just words. This will become cyclic and nothing will change. If you set a clear boundary NOW it will impact his future choices and he will understand that you are willing to parent the children and not him. I’m speaking from sad experience and 20 years of this. Good luck, be strong!

Moonnstars · 09/08/2025 11:08

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 10:42

Thanks for the suggestions, I have considered driving myself but I’m just not comfortable looking at how a 2 hour journey is currently showing nearer 3 with traffic/road closures. It’s an unfamiliar route and I’ll have two kids in the back.

I am going to take them out for the morning so husband can have some peace and get himself sorted out without the usual chaos, and I can then review again after lunch.

He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.

Wow. So he ruins your first day of your holiday and it's fine because the ale was high %.
He made a choice to drink it.
You are also going out leaving him in peace so he can sleep it off.
If he drank as much as you said then I wouldn't be leaving til tomorrow morning if you want him to drive. Will the holiday you booked still let you arrive then? Have you contacted them to let them know in case they feel you are a no show and give your booking to someone else?

I do despair though that you are ok with this and accept his excuse.

BackToBlack2025 · 09/08/2025 11:08

Go in your car with the kids. You will be fine 🙂 If pisshead wants to join you later, so be it. Also, think about taking extra lessons to improve your confidence so you're not so reliant on him driving.

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 11:08

Lifeisapeach · 09/08/2025 10:53

Your husband is discusting! I’d have gone alone with my kids. A three hour drive split in half for a lunch stop would have been absolutely fine! The day you need to rely on a man (particularly one who soils himself) is a seriously bad day!

Don’t waste your breathe, she posted here for advice but had already made up her mind what she was going to do.

FancyAnxiety · 09/08/2025 11:09

Setting aside the husband for a second, I would really encourage you to spend some time building your confidence with the bits of driving that you need to (whether it’s a certain type of road, unfamiliarity, etc). It’s a great achievement that you’ve passed your test and have a car of your own, but with confidence to handle any conditions you’ll feel truly independent. Go alone or take a trusted friend/family member who will be patient with you. Take it easy, take breaks and work on a skill at a time. I promise it will help to not feel so reliant on this man and his big car.

Auroraloves · 09/08/2025 11:09

DorothyStorm · 09/08/2025 09:14

Or he can pack his car himself.

Show quote history

Yeah he could, the dick would probably miss out loads of stuff though. I couldn’t trust him after this

FinchAddict · 09/08/2025 11:09

Option A: drive your little car and DH follows in the big car with more luggage. Downside is you both need to drive home but DH could take the kids in the bigger car. Sometimes, a 'needs must' road trip is just what is needed to push your comfort zone.

Option B: could you get the train with the kids? DH to follow in the bigger car later.

Option C: drive up later together but get insured on DH's car today and practise driving easier bits of the route in it. Even driving 15mins from your house on familiar roads is a start. Then maybe between service stations if you're on the motorway. Even if you only drive a small bit, it's all practise and confidence.

There's a conversation to be had but maybe that's for after your break. Get through the next few days and think about what you really want from DH and your relationship.

Jujujudo · 09/08/2025 11:09

I want to add, you can’t see clearly right now because it’s the first time this has happened and your relationship and the kids are still young. I enabled my husband for many years to behave like this and no amount of crying, arguing and talking made any difference, and I regret not having the balls to set boundaries or leave. Don’t judge yourself - just try to stand to the side and see everything from an objective viewpoint. You would never behave like this, you’re a mother. Would he enable it? How would he react if it was reversed?

Meadowfinch · 09/08/2025 11:09

JaneyDC · 09/08/2025 10:55

Your DH has behaved like a total knob and has a LOT of making up to do. I wouldn't feel comfortable driving with two young kids either if the roads were very busy with lots of diversions to navigate. I would go out with the kids for the morning/best part of the day - soft play, farm park etc so that I wasn't in the house getting more worked up. Hopefully, you'll be able to all go late afternoon. He def has some major making up to do to all his family and your mum.

To the posters saying they'll divorce their husband for this. Yes I completely get that it's disgusting and a major ick.. but would you really leave your partner and father of your two kids over one (albeit gross) mistake if it were to be never repeated and the person was extremely remorseful?! Obviously, it would be different if it was an affair.

But he's not remorseful. He's a selfish disgusting, drunk, making a load of pathetic excuses.

Any decent man would cut the whining, apologise profusely and swear off the drink permanently.

EsmeWeatherwaxHatpin · 09/08/2025 11:10

user1492809438 · 09/08/2025 10:56

'He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.'
Rubbish. He was an irresponsible non parent and I would make him aware of this.

Reminds me of the time my H did a beer tasting thing and realised they were all really high percentage. He just didn’t drink the entirety of the drinks and stuck to the “tasting” part.

Ididit2023 · 09/08/2025 11:13

Pack less or phone the insurance and add yourself to that bigger vehicle?

ticktickticktickBOOM · 09/08/2025 11:16

Less than 5 hours drinking beer and it was enough for him to vomit all over himself by 10pm, shit his pants and not be able to be up and out the house after 9 hours sleep?

What a total lightweight.

loulouljh · 09/08/2025 11:16

Go without. Simple.

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 11:16

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 10:42

Thanks for the suggestions, I have considered driving myself but I’m just not comfortable looking at how a 2 hour journey is currently showing nearer 3 with traffic/road closures. It’s an unfamiliar route and I’ll have two kids in the back.

I am going to take them out for the morning so husband can have some peace and get himself sorted out without the usual chaos, and I can then review again after lunch.

He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.

Oh yes, He definitely needs peace...

Has he made a profuse apology yet?

I wouldn't even want to look at him

Kitte321 · 09/08/2025 11:16

Given the behaviour of your husband I think you need to work on your confidence and ability to be independent.
If you continue to be dependent on him, you will never feel able to be assertive, tell him exactly how disgusting his behaviour is and set clear, immovable boundaries.
OP - getting that drunk is not at all normal. Accepting a partner getting into that state without a serious discussion and some genuine apologies, is also not normal.
If it was me - this morning I would have already left. I would be leaving a note expressing my disgust and making it clear that that behaviour would never be accepted again. I would be asking him to reflect about whether he could agree to those terms.

Vaxtable · 09/08/2025 11:17

Reduce what you need to take and goin your car with the kids and leave him to it

Vaxtable · 09/08/2025 11:17

Reduce what you need to take and goin your car with the kids and leave him to it

loulouljh · 09/08/2025 11:17

3 hours is fine. 1.5 hours then stop for some food. Repeat.

suitcasesarepacked · 09/08/2025 11:18

i would go somewhere on my own. If necessary, spend the weekend with my mum. That would give him time to pack his shit and leave.

I have an image in my mind of the kind of man who do something like this - somewhere between a trainspotting character and burping farting belly-scratching dickhead. Makes my skin crawl. Just no way I could live with someone like this.

I remember once someone told me they were so drunk they got up and pissed in a cupboard. Killed any chance of a relationship with me dead in the water. The thought of someone shitting himself in my car 🤢🤢🤢🤢 …. and my mother knowing about it. I have no words. What an absolutely disgusting pathetic waste of space.

I’d be mortified if he was my partner. What on earth was going through your head when you were cleaning his shitty clothes…? Is that your status in life… Oh my word. I just despair at what some women will tolerate and minimise.

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