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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

1000 replies

Breezeopal · 09/08/2025 09:06

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

OP posts:
CoffeeCantata · 09/08/2025 10:23

Who are the 2% who think the husband’s behaviour is OK? 😳

PeppaPigWorld · 09/08/2025 10:24

OP, I'm really sorry, that's rotten.

I'm also shocked by some of the replies you are getting. I think most people here must have forgotten how hard parenting babies and toddlers can be! Mine are older now, so yes, I could go on my own with them and have a great weekend away. But when they were tiny? Yes, we had great times and I have loads of fond memories.of fun trips, but if I'm honest there was still the drudgery of nappy changes, 5am wake-up and toddler tantrums. Op's dh gets out of all this if she goes on her own. She was looking forward to the trip because there was supposed to be two of them sharing the load.

Now, if op were to go on her own, and leave dh to deal with the kids whilst she has a nice weekend, that would make.sense. Otherwise, OP is doing all the hard childcare, just in a different location, whilst her 'd'h gets a weekend of peace to sleep off his hangover. I know who gets the better deal.

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 10:27

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:16

That doesn't mean she's comfortable driving the distance on unfamiliar roads with just her children in the car.

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if shes uncomfortable driving she should hand back her licence.

RosaMundi27 · 09/08/2025 10:27

I don't think he'll be safe to drive for about 24 hours. Sorry to be a downer. What an awful experience for you.

Reddog1 · 09/08/2025 10:27

If it’s a one-off I’d forgive it tbh. But if this is going to turn into a regular meetup with this group of childfree, carefree mates, you’ll have problems.

I wouldn’t wrangle the kids on my own either, and give him a nice quiet Saturday in front of the tv. He needs to step up today. If he can’t drive this morning due to alcohol levels, he can take them to the park and do housework instead. Don’t pander to him OP.

NautilusLionfish · 09/08/2025 10:28

Nclow · 09/08/2025 09:31

OP your response to this will tell him whether this sort of tactic works. The choice you make about what to do today will tell him whether he's onto a winner and has the power to sabotage or otherwise control your activities as a family...or whether you have boundaries and standards that hold firm in the face of his immaturity.

Very true. Especially given (it seems) op cleaned his soiled clothes. I wouldn't have

PinkyFlamingo · 09/08/2025 10:28

I would be furious! How selfish. He knew he was meant to be driving this morning but that didnt stop him. You don't seem very angry!

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 10:28

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:07

How is 'no insurance' an excuse?

And he's in no fit state to speak to the insurance company

I also don't know why people on MN are so quick to encourage new/nervous drivers onto the roads

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She’s got her own car!!!

istheresomethingishouldsay · 09/08/2025 10:29

I'd still go with just you in the kids in your car. You won't need his things, dump some stuff, and just leave him to it.

You also need to rethink your life with this guy.

NautilusLionfish · 09/08/2025 10:30

CoffeeCantata · 09/08/2025 10:23

Who are the 2% who think the husband’s behaviour is OK? 😳

His mates are here!!!

CheeseFiend40 · 09/08/2025 10:30

He vomited and soiled himself, that’s absolutely disgusting!! I’d be annoyed at having to deal with that for my children now, let alone an adult.
I love all the posters saying, just go by yourself. So you get a 3 night “break” solo parenting with two under 4 and he gets 3 nights all to himself. I don’t think so!

If you’re not losing any money I’d be cancelling. If it was me I’d be too disgusted and pissed off to want to spend 3 nights away from home with the man child. Book some nice things to do with the kids closer to home, day out at a farm, local water park etc. Then reschedule the weekend away for another time, if you want to.

Absentmindedsmile · 09/08/2025 10:30

Pack light for one night. Go in your car. It’ll be fine. He needs to arrive later in his car, with additional items if you need, when he’s cleaned himself and his clothes up. Grim, really. He needs to grow up. After your trip, he can then drive you all back in his car. Then go and collect your car on his own. Train / bus taxi. His consequence for being a loser, really.

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 10:30

Didimum · 09/08/2025 09:47

Maybe – just maybe – OP wants her break away to be practical and enjoyable, and not even more difficult and disappointing than it has already been due to no fault of her own.

She’d obviously posting here because she is really upset and seeking support, not just practical advice, so get rid of your attitude.

Edited
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Get rid of the attitude? You’re hilarious, not.

familyissues12345 · 09/08/2025 10:31

Oh that’s shit Sad

I agree with the masses, pack up as much as you can in your car. Leave out things that you could buy there - nappies etc. Go and have a lovely time

Mischance · 09/08/2025 10:33

I agree that you should not let this opportunity pass you by just because your OH has been a total dick. Pack as light as you can and go in your car. Leave him a note.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/08/2025 10:34

MyLimeGuide · 09/08/2025 09:16

He must have some serious issues and be pretty miserable to get in that state, poor guy.

Lol, yes OP's shitting DH is the one that deserves all the sympathy, poor man. I presume that you are trying to blame OP for his unhappiness?

Noominia · 09/08/2025 10:34

Just go out with the children, either for the day or (better) for the trip you planned. Yes they might be hard work in their own but they will be better company and less annoying than him.

LizzyA123 · 09/08/2025 10:35

Are you going camping or is accommodation booked? If you aren’t camping then put the essentials for you and your children in your car and leave your DH to it. He can make his own way with the rest of the kit when he has sobered up.

I see you washed his soiled clothes, you’re more sympathetic than me; self inflicted vomiting and loss of bowel control gets zero sympathy from me. I would have triple bagged the lot and put in the bin - his loss. Either your DH has a problem with drink and needs to address it or is selfish and irresponsible.

Hope he managed to wash himself before being banished to the sofa of shame and is suitably contrite and apologetic. He has a lot of ground to make up.

LizzyA123 · 09/08/2025 10:35

Are you going camping or is accommodation booked? If you aren’t camping then put the essentials for you and your children in your car and leave your DH to it. He can make his own way with the rest of the kit when he has sobered up.

I see you washed his soiled clothes, you’re more sympathetic than me; self inflicted vomiting and loss of bowel control gets zero sympathy from me. I would have triple bagged the lot and put in the bin - his loss. Either your DH has a problem with drink and needs to address it or is selfish and irresponsible.

Hope he managed to wash himself before being banished to the sofa of shame and is suitably contrite and apologetic. He has a lot of ground to make up.

LizzyEm · 09/08/2025 10:36

I voted YABU because you should have got up and gone as planned. Make him get a train and join you later.

Fuck sitting about looking at a hungover twat when you could be getting yourself on holiday.

Starlight7080 · 09/08/2025 10:36

Without him won't you have less stuff. Plus an empty seat to put stuff on.
I would go without him.
The being sick was bad enough but soiling himself would put me off him for a long time.
If he was sick then thats one thing but he is an adult who decided to be that irresponsible.

ShowOfHands · 09/08/2025 10:38

We went to Scotland, from Norfolk for a week in a Fiat 500. Two adults, two children and everything we needed. If dh had stayed at home, we'd have had acres of room.

OP you need to decide to either go anyway (eminently doable in a small car) or stay and revise plans ie go tonight/tomorrow or cancel entirely. Separate to this, you need a plan for how you speak to your dh about what happened and how he is going to ensure it never, ever happens again whilst making amends for the mess he's created.

noctilucentcloud · 09/08/2025 10:38

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 10:27

if shes uncomfortable driving she should hand back her licence.

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She's had her license a year, it takes time to build up experience and confidence. It might be the first time she's eg driven motorways or that sort of distance. That's stressful with two small children who might be crying and when you're trying to navigate too.

Bonden · 09/08/2025 10:38

no one has ever gone out for a quick meal and catch up with mates on a Friday after work, since alcohol was discovered. Ever.

Any weekend break starts with a “clean and sober” Friday night so as to be ready to leave early on Saturday, the car packed the night before.

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2025 10:39

LeaAndDer · 09/08/2025 10:28

She’s got her own car!!!

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So have I. And whilst I drove all over the country in my youth (when roads were quieter and the M25 hadn't been invented) I didn't go anywhere near as far when I had children and I'd been driving a few years by then. The OP has only been driving a year and presumably hasn't done that sort of journey yet

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