Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I am hoping he's cancelled his annual leave so that he can take his wife and kids away for another weekend. Seems logical to me

OP can't drive his car as she's not insured. I also get the not driving his car I hate DH's electric shit he's bought. I've driven it twice and that was 2 times too many

But back in the day we used to be 3 adults in a 1972 mini with a tent and suitcases. There is room in whatever car OP has

I passed my test in April at the grand age of 52. I was terrified! I often still am, but I grab the bull by the horns and give it a go! I did a 4 hour trip last week. Was very nervous but my licence is as valid as anyone else’s and I know I was taught well so I just put my sat nav on and try.

I also drive my DH BIG car. I got out in it asap after passing to confront the fear. I prefer my little one but didn’t want to be locked to it.

I’ve also been spiked. It’s horrific, nothing like a heavy hangover.

This.
He screwed up your family holiday.. Then caused maximum drama by snapping and turning around after an hour. Leaving you and the kids devastated. Constantly telling you off and that you should have gone alone and left him at home - because he simply didn't want to go on the break. The one you've been looking forward to.

Yet it sounds from your post as if its YOU (and the kids who are sitting there drinking in this charmer's conversation) that is being scolded.

He then cancels his two days booked off in August school holidays to go into work - why?
To avoid having to spend any time with his family?
Thereby leaving it to you alone to entertain two disappointed children in the summer holidays.

Spiked. How likely is this?

• He was at a beer festival. Amongst people who find comparing different types of craft beer exciting. Not a gangster run nightclub.
• The Drink Spiker saw he was in a large group of friends, but decided that your DH was the only person fit to pick on, a middle aged family man.
• I guess the Spiker didn't fancy any of DH's friends?
• His friends were escorting him out so The Drink Spiker was twarted, and wasn't able to lure your DH away for the Spiker's evil aims.
• All DH other friends had lots to drink but he was the only one who vomited all over himself so much so that taxi drivers who gave lifts to DH's friends refused to take him and then he shat himself in YOUR car.

Sorry OP this just doesn't add up. If he was spiked. He spiked Himself. No one gets into that state by drinking a few too many beers. He is a liar.

Yet you are the one getting told off. The person who had to arrange child care, run out in the night to collect him, wash his shit and vomit stained clothes, put him to bed, take the children out so as not to wake Sleeping Beauty the next morning.

OP. Kindly, you need to stop making excuses for this driver of a "big man car" and take a good look at his behaviour, and think about whether this the first time he's let you down like this and told you off for it or avoided parenting? Or is this becoming a pattern?

BTW.. are you under confident at driving because he criticises your driving? Why are you not also on the insurance of the Big Man Car and given a chance to drive it, if you cannot fit all your children's stuff in your own car? If you lack confidence in driving on motorways - you should take a few extra driving lessons until you get your confidence back. I did that when I had to go from quiet suburban driving to inner city driving in an unfamiliar area and it made all the difference.. just four lessons. I'm a better driver for it.

Oh op…. I’m sorry for you. He’s an arse. Agree with others the ‘spiking’ is just an excuse for his appalling behaviour, compounded by his deliberate choice since when sober to let his family down - again - by continuing to be a selfish arse.

What a shitty way to treat your own kids. I hope you don't let this behaviour slide, OP.

Your poor children. Why are allowing him to treat them so badly? Playing mind games, getting them all excited about the holiday only to dump.them in the most damaging way possible? You are allowing him to behave in such an entitled way.
He has cancelled his leave. What a loser and a nasty person. F*cks your children and you over and you are allowing it! If you won't do anything to help yourself do it to protect your children.

OP it’s frustrating to read how passive you are being about this. It’s not like he’s ill through no fault of his own and you’re feeling a bit disappointed, he literally sabotaged your holiday because he was a total idiot and drank too much (and shit himself!). This is not a passive situation where you say “oh well, that’s disappointing”, you need to get angry and lay down some ground rules and make him realise was a total twat he has been.

DH has always had a transit van. I used to drive it fairly regularly. But I haven't in years and as I've had an automatic for the past 12, I would crap myself (though not literally; I'm not the OP's spouse). The OP is a relatively new driver, and I'm guessing the husband is very precious about his car too. I do agree it's in the OP's best interests to up her driving confidence, and get rid of the little car to a more suitable family one. But I don't get why some are really putting the boot in over it.

Well he is right you should have gone on your own, lucky kids having you 2 as parents

My husbands car is huge, a ‘man’ car
I seriously cannot believe that women in 2025 still think like this , particularly women young enough to have small children .

So sorry for you and your dc. He definitely has behaved like an arse!

Can you find somewhere more local and fun for the kids that you are comfortable driving to and maybe take them there for a few days?

I think it's because of the language used. My DH prefers a small car, that's perfectly acceptable. It's the inability to seem to solve the immediate issue and just suffer...

Oh so he’s well enough to go to work tomorrow then? Interesting.

Wtf is a man car??

And it doesn’t need to be his car anyway. I have a small car (not because I’m a woman though) - it’s an Aygo and can absolutely fit enough in it for a few nights away with children.

Aww I’m so sorry you are being treated so badly about driving on here. I’ve never learned (well I had lessons for two years but in the end my driving instructor and husband said give up as it was going nowhere with my nerves). We lived in a village with everything going on and lived 5 minutes from schools on foot and all activities so when my children were young it didn’t matter, was probably easier than others have to find parking to be honest! Driving whilst a useful tool in life is not for everyone, especially if you are new to it and not confident around cars. I look at my husband’s beast of a car and think how fo you even see over this thing to know when to stop. I started learning in a Matiz and I’ve sat in a Smart car and even they feel huge to me. Probably seems really wimpy and pathetic to most, but hey ho here we are.

That said, I would have packed a small bag and taken the children via public transport - train to nearest point then taxi. With your not so ‘dear’ husband bringing the stuff up by car a day or so later.

I sincerely hope he makes this up to you and the children. Might you consider even just booking a localish Travelodge/Premier Inn for tomorrow night and tell the children you are going on an adventure. Even just meals out and playing in a different park would have appealed to my kids.

Good luck!

That's awful.
Go without him or make him sleep it off en route.

I agree that it’s reasonable for any relatively new driver to be wary about driving an unfamiliar car that is a lot bigger than they’re used to.

But it’s not a “man car” for fucks sake.

@Breezeopal none of this is your fault, I am very sorry for your children and yourself for having such a flop of a man in your life.

Oh OP. I think a lot of the replies on here have been very harsh.

But I sincerely think your DH has some making up to do to you and the kids.

Take the smaller car and pack light or make him put you on the insurance for his car.

I get you OP, you're sensible not to drive 2 small children a long way if you're not confident. What sort of break would it be for you anyway?

I hope he's truly sorry though, he's got some massive making up to do.

He’s a wanker

A man car? Grow up. Your poor children.

I suspect he undermines you and has been eroding your confidence for a very, very long time. Break free!

1. don't go on holiday with him again
2. take a driving refresher course
3. go on holiday by train
4. invite your mum along
5. you don't need to drive for 3 hours continuously, just have hourly breaks.

We used to go on holiday in a 1986 VW Golf Mk2, it's definitely possible in your much more modern car!

I can't believe some of the responses on here.
Presumably op wanted to spend quality time with her children AND husband, and it was already agreed that he would drive. So I just can't understand the way of thinking that op should have driven and then solo parented while her husband nursed a hangover at home in peace. She hasn't let her children down, he has.