Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

Take control of the situation. Go on holiday. You will feel much better.

You are getting some harsh replies, which I do understand why but also understand that you probably have huge amounts of disappointment and you probably just want to crawl under a duvet and sob… also understandable.

I understand the tiny car thing - I also have a tiny car compared to my husbands big one which I don’t drive but it’s amazing what you can pack in the front seat even if you don’t have a boot. Realistically you don’t need much for a few nights away even with young kids. You can buy things when you are there!

but mainly I would be absolutely furious with your husband. He has ruined this and needs to be making ammends not falling at the first hurdle when someone cries in the back seat - pathetic!

Tbf given the recent thread by a woman really struggling on holiday alone with 2 small children and really not enjoying it, I don't blame OP for not wanting to go alone. Why should he get a nice peaceful weekend at home alone while she struggles?

What a waste of money and such a shame for the kids!!! How small is your car?!! Does it really matter ?! I used to have a mini and managed to go away with that!! You’re making excuses for him. You’re just as bad and a little pathetic tbh

Guarantee OP doesn’t work and is putting up with this so she doesn’t lose her husband’s income

He’s a selfish cunt.
If you stay with him, god help you but for god sake get used to going alone- don’t go with him again.
Why do you need such a huge car, especially without him in it.

Sorry you all missed out OP. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to drive solo to a place unknown when you’ve not long passed your test. I expect you’re emotional/angry and having two little ones for a few hours in the car - it may not be safe.

i do think though that he shouldn’t have cancelled leave and instead made it up to you all with a lovely day out.

doubt he was spiked - just underestimated what he can handle (things change as you age!!) and over did it!! Very gross. I hope he’s ashamed??

Oh lovey 🙁 please please say you are married and have financial independence. Please say you have an income of your own. Even if you do nothing straightaway about this shitshow of a weekend (literally!) just knowing you have choices will help you so much.
I have an awful feeling that isn’t the case though.

Can you seriously not get there using public transport?
Where are you going?
Seems a shame that your poor mum is also now out of pocket having paid for an extra night.

Your husband is really acting like a terrible husband and father this weekend. But you are a martyr. You need to pull yourself together & go in your car. And stop calling his vehicle a man car. It's not 1955

He should be begging your forgiveness! I hope you can take some time to work on your self respect, you and your children deserve better.

People are forgetting that being the sole adult with 2 small kids in an unfamiliar place is not necessarily fun for anyone. I don’t know why everyone is piling on the OP to go on the trip anyway. If it were my husband I would wait until he was “recovered” and then make my anger/upset clearly known. If he ever did anything similar again I’d LTB.

Sorry but the now cancelling his leave is the final nail in the coffin. As said before he had no intention of going on holiday. I would ask why he doesn’t want to be with his family.

I get that your husbands car is big. One of
our cars is huge but you know what it’s easier to drive than the little car. But surely a big backpack and go via train (kids would love it even if 1 night), or book something cheap closer (either driving or public transport).

Sounds like he has a habit of letting you down/getting his own way and you are just rolling over and letting him.

I'm a woman and drive a 7 seater SUV so i'm curious to know what the "man car" is that is so big a woman couldn't drive it?

If it was only for a few days could you not have taken a suitcase on the front seat? How much stuff could you possibly need?

The lie about having a spiked drink is especially egregious as it is designed to absolve him of any responsibility or accountability. In other words it doubles down on his appalling behaviour.

Has he even apologised to you, OP? To the children?

Abandoning the delayed trip 40 mins in because he’s still feeling ill is yet another layer of utter fuckwittage. If ever the phrase “He’s showing you who he is” applied, it’s with this pathetic ‘man’.

It wasn't just the size of the car. It was a trip which was quite a long one not everyone can do it especially when upset with young kids.

I agree. During covid I sold my tiny car as we ended up both WFH and didn't need two cars. I ended up switching from a tiny petrol manual to a huge diesel estate. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of driving it so took it on my own to an empty car park on a Sunday evening. Practiced all the reversing, where the blind spots were on it and how much room the parking sensors gave etc. After an hour I was confident driving it and think its made me a better driver to be honest as I can park the sodding thing first time much to much approval from various males over the years.

The question is, what are you going to do about it, OP, going forward? What are you going to do to stop this from happening again?

I used to be a nervous driver OP. Convinced myself I 'couldnt' drive at night I 'couldnt' drive on motorways I 'couldnt' drive long journeys.

I read a post on here saying it's only women who have self imposed driving bans and it really stuck with me. I realised I've passed the same test everyone else has.

Now I drive a big dirty diesel car that I've only ever seen men driving. I've driven across all four countries of the UK and some in Europe too. My longest drive to date is 9 hours - with sensible breaks.

I live rurally and drive down the country lanes in pitch black trusting myself and being sensible and safe and empowered. You can do this too.

Other posters have addressed your husband's behaviour and I have nothing more to add really - he appears very controlling. The driving is another way to keep you down and it's total bullshit. You passed the same test - and by the sounds of it you learned more recently, so you are likely more up to speed with less bad habits. Your children deserve a mother who shows them what can be done, instead of allowing their father to rule their lives and yours.

So why has he cancelled his annual leave and why is he making this your fault exactly?

I had a dad like this, he’d make plans, tell us all about the amazing weekend we were going to have, what we were going to do, where we were going to go. And we never ever got there. My sister (who’s now 38, I’m 43) said something recently about how she can never look forwards to something, how she always expects something bad to happen & she doesn’t know why she’s like this. I said it’s because of him & she couldn’t believe she never thought of it before, she’s struggled massively with anxiety over making plans & worrying about something happening & he’s the reason why. He was such a shit dad & our mum always put him first, always made everything about him rather than just doing things with us or actually getting rid of him (I spent years actually begging her to leave him), she just never had the confidence to do things for herself, it was always she’s the woman she can’t do this or do that. It messed us up massively for years, always thinking the man was more important. Don’t do that to your kids

OP you need to get comfortable driving. A 2 hour trip isn’t long at all and for 3 nights even a fiat 500 could hold your stuff.

3 hours is nothing. (Well, I am US but that's a short trip).

I would not have disappointed my kids if I'd been driving for a year and the place was only 3 hours away.

She's got a husband who can't be relied upon. She's going to have to step up and do the thing, in this case driving, or her kids are going to miss out because of mom's fear. They already are missing out. Their dad is shit. Their mom lets her fears take over.

@Breezeopal You husband is a prick. Surely you see this? This can't be the first time he's done something line this. We all get you're devastated, but you should be fucking livid. Please take your power back.

Is this a joke post? Are there still women who actually say “man car” and can’t drive for more than an hour? LOL. You wouldn’t even make it to the grocery store in the States! 😂