Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

Omg, get a grip. You are a grown woman who has managed to grow 2 human beings in her body and push them out!

Driving is driving, whether that’s for 5 minutes or 5 hours. Driving is far easier to do than most of the things you do, I’m sure.

Take control of your own life and stop being a muppet.

And say thanks but no thanks to your mum’s offer to pay for another night. This is not her mess to fix. It is yours. There was absolutely nothing stopping you leaving yesterday morning as planned.

Was he coked up? I have heard of people shitting themselves through cocaine use but never through just drinking.

If he genuinely thinks he has been spiked, and who knows he migjt have been, he needs to report it to the Police.

TBH I hope OP doesn't come back and wade through all these many pages of posts slagging her off.

The poor woman has two small children and an alcoholic partner - and people are queuing up to slate her because she didn't do what they wanted her to, and isn't feeling the emotions they want her to feel.

I think you need to put your big girl pants on OP.

I won't derail the thread with details but thanks for this message. It's been very helpful to me for something I want to do, but didn't think I could xx

I’d take the small car, myself and the kids. You don’t need to fit him or his stuff because he’s in no fit state to travel. It’s entirely on him that he can’t drive or come. He’s an adult.

My H did this to me once. He crawled in at 5am when we were taking the DC on holiday at 8. We went (I drove) but it was a horrible weekend and I divorced him the next year when I'd finally had enough of his behaviour.

Can you not just put some essentials for you and the children in your car. I'm sure there is space. Pack plenty of snacks and drinks, put on some music and crack on with the journey. I was late in learning to drive so I understand your hesitation. It helps me to look at the journey on google street view in advance particularly any weird junctions or turn offs. Could you do that and just go? I think you will feel a massive sense of accomplishment if you do. x

I'm in Newcastle and we like a drink here too.😁Never heard of anyone shitting either.

Based on her posts, the OP isn’t ready to face the truth of the situation. Telling her off, as some posters are doing won’t get her there if she isn’t ready to see it. I’ve been there myself. Hopefully, she will get there.

My oldest DS learnt to drive in his late 30’s as he lives in London but he wasn’t a very confident driver. We moved to south west Ireland a few years ago and persuaded him to come over and visit us via car/ferry instead of flying.

He absolutely loved driving in Ireland as the roads are quieter and drivers are far less agressive and it really helped improve his confidence. Now he comes over with the family every year by car for about a week just to potter along and chill out. Dublin’s awful like most cities, but if you travel around the south coast via Rosslare in Wexford, it’s lovely and picturesque.

DS DH and me have been suffering from a virus which causes nausea and diarrhoea. He might have that. Also many years ago my DH did have his drink spiked. Some people are nasty bastards who do this for a power trip. Some of the posts on here are unbelievable.

I’d have called his bluff when he told me he’d been “spiked”. I’d have said we’d best get him down to A&E pronto and let the police know. I bet he’d have said that wasn’t necessary and backtracked pretty darn quickly.

You need to decide where your line is here OP, and think of your children first and foremost because this is not fair on them.

You said your Mum will give you the money for another night but could you ask her to pay for some where closer, easier to get to for just you and the little ones for one or two nights?

@PluckyChancer thanks for the response. I know how different areas can influence your experience of driving. I have been abroad to so many different places with my former partner and he always drove but i was always terrified as not everyone abroad drives like we are used to and if we were somewhere where they drive on the right, he would often gp tp the left and I was a bag of nerves saying "You're on the wrong side" it was a nightmare. Then in 2002 (we had broken up), I was in Cyprus and hired a car and after that every time I visted - once or twice a year I hired a car and really enjoyed it. I would never, ever, ever dare to drive in London. I lived there late 60's/early 70's and should have learn't to drive then, but it was still mad at that time - just not as bad as now.

Please don't fall for his pity party. He got hammered on a pub crawl when he'd said he was going out for a meal! He was never going to be fit to drive the next morning as planned; the shits and puking are probably just because he drank so much on an empty stomach. He gave zero fucks about his wife and young children, and it's your mum who is trying to salvage the break, whilst he's probably skulking around in the Dressing Gown of Doom.

He wasn't spiked and sounds like a right man child... I don't know ANY adult men that have ever shit themselves on a night out no matter how drunk that's just vile

Is he contrite?? Offering to pay for your extra night?? Treating you to a spa break? Anything apart from moping around probably desperately wanting you to take the kids off him?!

Needs must as the devil drives.

I get you op. I have always had a tiny car and a reluctance to drive anything else or anywhere I don't know.

Because I had to, I did. It's liberating. Next time (I suspect there will be a next time) don't rely on someone else. Be ready. Get insured on the big car. Try being the driver on longer haul journeys. My DP often "has to work" - see you then! It was deeply frustrating waiting for him to finish "essential" jobs. So I just go now. Also the big car that I was so convinced I couldn't drive, it's a dream!

I'm sorry you haven't got away for your weekend, @Breezeopal
Regards your husband suggesting his drink was spiked, call his bluff and suggest he go get his blood tested for it. His response will tell you everything you need to know.
My ex-h once went out on a binge with younger workmates. I got off lightly compared with you, although his bedwetting meant a new mattress (and when we split up I was highly delighted to see the back of that bed). It opened my eyes to how disrespectful he was being, and also how he tried to normalise both 'having to keep up with the lads' and the bedwetting.

Think of your children and whether you really want them to grow up with that sort of role model. Does he put you down? Perhaps in subtle ways such as refusing to insure you on his car? What positive things does he bring to your relationship? I'd rather be on my own and taking extra confidence lessons to have a bigger car, than relying on this man baby.

Hahaha yeah "go without me, so I can sit here in peace, while you do all the parenting of 2 small kids". Book him a massage while you're at it.

Spiked? He's an immature little man who can't even admit he went too far.

He's pathetic. Don't pander to it.

Did he want to go on this trip or is his you go ahead and I'll catch you up if I feel better An Outcome he would be hoping for? I wouldn't long be in a relationship with a man who vomited and himself.

Honestly got no sympathy for you.

1.) You went and picked him up. Showing yourself to be an absolute doormat! The answer should have been “not my problem, he can crawl home or sleep on the pavement”

2.) You’ve made yourself totally reliant on a man. Didn’t learn to drive early enough, then making excuses for not just packing your own car up and going on the holiday without him.

3.) Staying with a man who quite literally shits himself like a toddler. Gross.

Find some self respect asap

Why is your dh not paying for an extra night? Why is everyone running round him doing all his dirty work for him? I despair.

With two kids under four and a history of not holding his drink I'd have been bloody unimpressed that he went out in the first place - he should have come straight home from work to help with packing or putting the kids to bed so that you could pack without two toddlers underfoot.

Has he told you, at his own initiative, that he's quitting drinking, or at the very very very least never drinking again the night before something important? If not, why not?

Take control of your own life and stop being a muppet

Good advice.