Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

The classic “I was spiked” excuse. I don’t think middle aged men are usually the first choice.

Haven’t they just?!!!
It’s the fact he’s telling @Breezeopalto go on ahead and he’ll join them if he can!!! Yeah right!!!
If the OP did that, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t clap his hands as soon as they were out of sight and his poor stomach would miraculously get better, so that he could stick the tele on and open another beer!

Why don't you sound utterly fucked off with him @Breezeopal???

@Breezeopal your post brought back unpleasant memories for me.
My ex did this too, including before our summer holidays - a 5 / 6 hour drive at the other end of the country (Ireland).
I had to take our 3 small DC (baby, toddler & nearly-primary school aged) & drive myself - or miss the holiday.
I wasn’t a nervous driver, but didn’t feel comfortable managing alone with 3 DC, the innumerable stops, food etc. I was definitely stressed.

But - I did it, it took the day, but it felt GREAT. He didn’t appear for another 10 days 😵‍💫 but they were actually the best 10 days we’d had … ever. Even better, it sowed the seed for me of ending the marriage, which I managed to do a few months later. (Precipitating a difficult decade of trying to get divorced but at least I (& the kids) got out.

Go. Today. Without him. He’s behaved appallingly & you’ll do better going without him.

What a shame. He should have had a couple of drinks as he was driving the next day. Those are the actions of a family man with responsibilities. Getting so pissed that they cant control themselves is the action of a teen without life experience.

Taking 2 children on holiday on your own would have been initially stressful but then empowering. You could have piled into your tiny car, driven for an hour, had a picnic lunch somewhere then carry on the next 2 hours as children would have probably fallen asleep.

Being an independent strong woman happens by pushing ourselves into situations and managing every half an hour at the time. Don't overhink things - just go.

If your husband carries on in this way, you might find days out and holidays actually easier on your own...

Good for you ! @EarringsandLipstick I know that divorce is, certainly historically, tougher in ROI as well

I'm so glad you did this and it worked out so well for you. I suspect the OP is a different sort of a woman, I'm afraid. She sounds utterly spineless and willing to believe any amount of rubbish to kowtow to her dreadful husband.

To be honest I have never known anybody - literally nobody ever - who shit themselves and vomited on themselves through drink, not at any age, not even when we were underage drinking teenagers, and I grew up in Glasgow in the 80s. You heard stories of course, but nobody would ever have admitted to this and I knew nobody personally that this happened to.

But if the OP doesn’t find her backbone she is going to subject her children to a childhood full of disappointment and pandering to their dad .

This is a mother who will not put her children first and who is enabling alcohol abuse.

I passed my driving test at 4th attempt in I think 1983 - the day before my then partner was taking his test. I had told him all the other times that I was taking my test and when I was setting off he always used to say "I want to see your failure sheet". So I never expected to pass and I kept failing. The last time I did not tell him I was taking my test and I passed. It was a great feeling when the next day he came in waving his pass certificate in my face and I pulled mine out and said "Oh! it's just like mine". He was gutted because I was always reliant on him and he always insisted on picking me up from wherever.

How did he insist on 'picking you up you up from wherever' when he only passed his driving test the day after you passed yours?!

Look without even reading the rest of the comments truely and honestly if you was to stay on the next day home with him and even show him your dispointment you really think he careddddd before he got drunkkkk and to this point he knew he has a trip with his family really truely i went through same shit but i was just letting it kinds slip but now when I opened my eyes completely on my ex girl he shouldnt see you in that house when he wakes up go somewhere anywhere order uber go your familyssss i got two kids myself i can't drive but im starting to do my licence just for a better life for me and my kids. Show him your not having it believe it then you will see thr truth.....

Shes not happy to ruin the kids holiday and she hasnt. He has, op clearly doesn't have the confidence (sorry op im not having a dig) to go it alone as she wasn't expecting this so I think the pile on needs to stop with the why, why why.
Op that said I really hope you find the confidence to go with the kids, I know you're not happy to upset the kids but just think their needs need to be met as well and its not good to show them you're not capable of taking control. Good luck Op I hope you and the kids make it to your hols and I hope you seriously consider your relationship with this man who puts a pub crawl ahead of his family. He doesn't sound family material at all.

Correct. It is absolutely that simple.

Totally agree with this

@EarringsandLipstick- I really liked your post it was positive and uplifting and I'm so happy for you. I hope OP reads it and then has a long hard think about her future whilst she is still young enough to start again and has enough energy to give the children the happy life all children deserve. I am not going to call the OP names or judge her for her decisions - I don't know her and will not judge someone for something that I cannot possibly understand as I don't know the ins and outs of all her life - this is just one event - really bad event but she has to come to her own decisions herself and truthful, positive posts can help her make a decision maybe, but awful name calling as saying she is pathetic are totally uncalled for - she asked for advice not a witch hunt.

As if his drink was spiked, utter bollocks.
He needs to man the fuck up and stop being so pathetic, he's ruining his childrens holiday.
I couldn't stand to be around such a useless prick so would have just gone without him though.

Thanks @EineReiseDurchDieZeit you’re right! At the time we separated, you had to live apart for 4 years before divorce - now reduced to 2. In my own circle, then (12 years ago) it was very rare, now less so, definitely not common.
and the legal system still is poor at dealing with forms of abuse, including financial / emotional & the impact on children.

it’s been - still is - a lonely road & financially tough, but when I read sad posts like OP’s, I remember why I needed to do it & how it’s still worth it.

@Alwaysalert you’re right. I don’t want to tell OP she should leave her H, but I think starting to ask questions about what she & her DC deserve is a good first step.

I didn’t see what my H was like for a long time & I regret a lot of my decisions. But, this life, with all the challenges, is still better than having always to cede control to a selfish uncaring man (which OP‘s H certainly has been)

I'm beginning to think this is a wind up post as OP keeps putting OH before her children. Maybe 60 years ago that was more common but not nowadays.

If not then OP needs to get rid of the alcoholic OH, also sounds like drug dependency too.

What adult parent goes out for a boozy night when they have a longish drive the next day.

OP if you are real FFS think of your children and what they are learning from you pandering to this drunk.

Quite. Can’t make sense of that load of nonsense.

That old chestnut... 🙄🙄 My drink must have been spiked.... Used that excuse myself when I was a teenage idiot explaining to my parents about the level of complete intoxication I had lowered myself to. Sounds more likely that he just couldn't be arsed to be responsible and honest with you.

Time for you to be honest with yourself and tell him a few home truths about decency and what is simply not acceptable. If he doesn't agree, well then you know what the next step is... Just don't let the door hit his arse on the way out!!!

Dig deep in yourself and stand tall, don't put up with less than you and your children deserve.

Ah the old I was spiked excuse.

I’ve read all your posts op and nothing you say mentions your DH bring a horrible man, drunk or otherwise trying to get out of the holiday.

Drink spiking does happen! About 40% of cases are men. Look at the gov site for stats. Why do they target men? God knows! Maybe to rob them, maybe for sex, maybe for just kicks. Spiking is a weird crime that is often about sex but sometimes just power.

His symptoms do fit spiking. Depending on what he’s been spiked with it can cause d&v. I knew a girl who was spiked and she was high as anything (barely drank never drugs) but kept saying she couldn’t feel her legs as we tried to get her home whilst she laughed hysterically and wet herself. Afterwards she was mortified but said it basically felt like she’d had an epidural and laughing gas plus booze. It was never reported. It’s massively under reported. And festivals and outdoor events are a common place it occurs!

You will get an awful lot of man hate on here. But only you know if this is an excuse for your DH’s bad behaviour or actually believable. If you think possible spiking is plausible keep an eye on him as spiking can be any drug or horrible things like methanol. It’s not all about spiking to get girls in bed - yes it’s a big part - but some of it just seems to be sick individuals playing god.

A holiday lost is not the end of the world. If you think spiking a possibility focus on that.

Based on how he has just behaved you need to build your independence and confidence with your driving so you aren’t stuck in future of something relying on him like what’s just happened

you should have been able to just leave with your kids and have your holiday

Sorry, I should have added that I did not drive again for 12 months after passing as he made so many off putting remarks and shook what little confidence I had, One day when I went to get the bus to work I looked at my car on the drive and thought this is ridiculous and I got into the car and drove to work and then cointinued to drive after that. So in between me passing and starting to drive on my own, he always picked me up in his car. Before he passed he would drive if he was with a mate who had a full licence and so would pick me up from night classes or a night out quite often ringing his mate to accompany us. Once he passed he drove all the time and if I was going anywhere he would insist on taking me. I preferred walking so often I insisted I was walking but other than that I just let him drive me as I was not really keen on it. Sorry I wasn't clear in my other post.