Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

Have to say I do find this 'oh I'm just a little woman who isn't confident driving far' thing annoying. If your husband is so unreliable, you need to be a more confident driver. This would have been a good start.

Fuck me! She's a parent. She chose to have kids she therefore needs to be capable of looking after her own kids. There's plenty of single parents out there who have to look after their kids on their own 24/7. This is a 3 day holiday!

It's really depressing that there are so many apologists out there condoning a grown woman's inability to drive a car and parent alone. It's embarrassing.

OP, sounds like you may need to write off this mini break of a holiday and just accept it's not happening.
Id concentrate on a few things if I were you

• first off all, building your confidence in driving. Either in a bigger car or in motorway or both. 2 to 3 hour drive is long but not unreasonable and therefore it would help you longer term to be able to do this
• second, DP needs to man up to his life choices and I'd be asking him to have a long hard think about why he decided to go out to a beer festival and drink heavily the day before he was due to drive you and the kids in the morning. Apart from the shitting and vomiting, it just wasnt good choices. Does he have a pattern of this?
• finally, he needs to be apologising to you and your mum for all the inconvenience.

This would be the bare minimum for me

Ah the old spiking excuse 🙄 🤦🏻‍♀️

I passed in my 40's and did pass plus straight after. Gives you confidence with night driving, motorways (easier than town driving anyway) and anything else that new drivers find a bit scary.
As to driving a larger car. OP doesn't have to if it feels too powerful for her or she could have pass plus lessons in that!

@HoskinsChoice

holidays are not compulsory. If this one is gonna be more hard work than fun than it makes sense to post pone.

I very much doubt his drink was spiked, he just bloody drank too much on an empty stomach!
I’d be absolutely fucking fuming with him!

I can see why posters are saying to just take the kids by yourself but why the hell should you pick up parenting two little ones solo, while your useless prick of a husband sits at home by himself with his feet up, through no fault of your own and just his plain selfish stupidity?!

It would take me a long time to be able to look at him without wanting to strangle the fucker (and I’m not a violent person)

There is obviously nothing remotely funny about spiking.
I’m afraid the idea of a middle aged man being spiked at a real ale festival did raise a chuckle, though. Is that likely? If so, real ale festivals have certainly changed over the years.

@Breezeopal does your Mum drive a bigger car? Couldn’t you go away with her instead?

he didnt eat he wasnt spiked

Realistically - a middle aged bloke out with his friends is an unlikely target for spiking. Got hugely pissed and took something that disagreed with him and is now restrospectively manufacturing a narrative to get him off the hook, more like.

Yes! She needs to find her rage!!

No way in hell would I be hanging around a house while my DH couldn't keep away from the toilet. I'd be gone.

I'd like to know what OP would do if kids were around 10 & they are demanding to know why weekend away isn't happening....

Your children are only young . Please learn to put them above all others including your husband . Loosing a holiday due to their dad selfishness is not fair on them and you should not allow it to happen twice .

No one would spike a middle aged man at an ale festival.
Now you are waiting around for him, missing out on a holiday.

Spiked?

Sorry is your husband a teenage girl?

No one is spiking middle aged chaps at beer festivals, if you buy that you're an absolute muppet!

He's got slaughtered and possibly taken something (coke?) that one of his mates has got (or maybe it was his idea).

He has given zero shits about you and the kids.

Go on holiday and I'd tell him to be gone by the time you get back.

Hi Gettingbysomehow, good advice for OP without demeaning her. She needs a break but not one that is going to cause more stress or just leave her as tired or frustrated. Having a couple of weeks with her Mam or a good friend if either of those options are possible, would still be a break and give her thinking time. He is saying he will join them if he feels better - not definitely join her tomorrow so maybe he does not want to actually go on this holiday. A break from OP and kids even for a couple of days, would give him time to reflect on his actions and to consider if he actually wants to be in a relationship or would he rather be single but co-parent the children who should not suffer becuase of his selfish choices. Hopefully this awful behaviour of her DH/DP will just be a terrible blip in her relationship with him and they can move on and put it behind them and start a fresh new chapter in their lives where they both take responsibility for the care of the children thus giving them both chill out time and no repeat of this event. Or sadly, if he decides full on family life isn't for him then he needs to be honest and open now before OP wastes any more of her life on someone who doesn't want the responsibility of a proper relationship/marriage and parenthood.

Do you have children? Would you be happy to tell your kids on the morning they're going on holiday that they're not going? If there was a legitimate reason, fair enough, kids have to learn that life isn't always fair. But if the reason is the parents are hungover and just a bit pathetic that's not a good reason, it's just terrible parenting.

You’re being a martyr at this point

What an absolute selfish cunt he is.

OP, you need to dig deep and find your anger, he’s a total failure, ans take your children. For god’s sake, your children are the ones missing out.

Oh, and of course he wasn’t spiked. He’s trying to create a victim hood for himself. He can fuck off.

Hi JFDIYOLO, Great advice and I am also going to do that Advanced driving course. I passed my driving test at 4th attempt in I think 1983 - the day before my then partner was taking his test. I had told him all the other times that I was taking my test and when I was setting off he always used to say "I want to see your failure sheet". So I never expected to pass and I kept failing. The last time I did not tell him I was taking my test and I passed. It was a great feeling when the next day he came in waving his pass certificate in my face and I pulled mine out and said "Oh! it's just like mine". He was gutted because I was always reliant on him and he always insisted on picking me up from wherever. The only thing is I never really, really liked driving but i was a lot more confident than I am now. It is just because there are so many idiots on the road now - so many use drugs and then drive it scares me. I used to take my dogs out after work on 4/5 hour return trips to some lovely coastal resorts and enjoy the driving. Now I don't even attempt to do it. There are literally ongoing road repairs that have been going on for over 5/6 years in my area and nearby, and scheduled for another year and then somewhere else starts. I feel England is one big motorway full of traffic cones and temporary traffic lights - I hate it. So I am going to take your advice - hopefully I won't have to wait too long for a course as I know some new drivers do - and I can take the Advanced Test and pass and then I will just drive somewhere fifferent every day. Cheers.

I'm afraid he would have surfaced from his drunken coma to find me and the kids had left him behind, and gone off to have our holiday by ourselves. I wouldn't have answered the phone to him whilst I was away either. I would have left him to stew, and dealt with him when I got back, the self centred, lying shit.

I'm a fairly nervous driver Op and I get it but I would say pull your big girl pants up here.

He is behaving absolutely disgracefully -of course he wasn't spiked.

Break the journey into sections - drive an hour, stop for a cuppa, drive an hour, stop at a park etc.

You can do this!

Christ, this is pathetic. Your poor, poor children, a selfish drunk for a father and a doormat who makes up fairy tales to try to make herself feel better for a mother.

And your MUM has to pay to make up for his drunken debauchery. JFC.

I think it's the Mumsnet equivalent of this from the Royle Family:

'Dave Best:
'Ey, I'm rough today me me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.
Jim Royle:
I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you.'

As a parallel point, I wish people would stop saying they’ve been ‘spiked’ as a way of avoiding taking responsibility for their actions. It makes a mockery of those who have been through the trauma of having their drink spiked.

It is highly unlikely the OP’s husband has been the victim of this crime. It is far more plausible that he got absolutely wasted on an empty stomach and now wants tea and sympathy, which the OP is seemingly giving him in bucketloads.

What is this teaching their children about what behaviour to accept in life? Standards really need to be raised here. Absolutely pathetic behaviour.