Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I would be tempted to call his bluff on the spiking and drag him to A&E… the worst place to be at the best of times but awful with a hangover. Idk if I’d actually be petty enough to waste NHS time though.

Why won't you go? I have read all your replies but still can't figure out why you're happy to ruin the kids holiday?
You don't need loads of stuff. You will have the front seat, boot and fotwell at the back for stuff. How much more do you need?
Everyone is telling you to go but you want to sit and wait for your partner who is responsible for the whole mess? Why do you want to sit around watching him run to the bathroom? Just put your children first. He's ruined the holiday but so have you.

He wasn’t spiked, he just wanted to enjoy himself and put all thoughts of his family aside. Some people can’t tolerate drink as much as their mates.
He’s doesn’t sound a very nice man and I wonder if he is more controlling than you think - why hasn’t he encouraged you to drive ‘the big boys car’ before now for example.
In your position I would do everything I could to be much more independent and confident - your dependence on him is too much 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Nope. He's lying again. Clearly the 'empty stomach' excuse didnt get him enough sympathy and out of jail.

Spiking of alcholic drinks leads to dizziness, memory loss, loss of body control s in stumbling falling - NOT D&V......

Go back to the coke and excess alcohol 'theory' ... wonder if he will then suddenly remember 'Oh yes I did have a kebab'.

You dont have to lay it all out here @Breezeopal - but I would go back and make a list of when his alcohol consumption has been problematic for you in the past to see the cumulative and compunding impact this has on you, your marriage, your family your DCs. It only ever gets worse - even if they drink the same volume as their health declines.

Why does your DM need to pay out for extra night away - is this because your DHs substance abuse has ripped into your family finances? Your DH should be paying for your DM to go away as an apology (not this way round) - as she was dragged out of her bed at night and had to witness the chaos and degradation of her DD clearing up the explosive shit and vomit from a truely gross man, her emotional turmoil and the collapse of her family holiday.

https://al-anonuk.org.uk/ - YOU need support from here.

I am interested in why you have tolerated this behaviour - was it normal in your family - were you raised within an alcoholic family? Or have you zero clue this this is very serious and entrenched?

Your DM must be devastated to know her DD and DGC have this life.

OP, whatever happens about this weekend, and whatever you decide to do about this lame arsed husband, please learn from this and get yourself confident in driving. Don't be one of those people (usually women) who can't possibly go anywhere without a more competent and able driver (usually a man). I have a friend who will hardly drive anywhere, she picked up the driving phobia from her mum, and it causes no end of practical difficulties for both them and those around them, particularly when someone is unwell and needs to get to the hospital.

Whether it's taking advanced lessons or just getting more practice in, don't let yourself remain an unconfident driver who can't take herself and her kids away when needed.

He wasn’t spiked. He quite blatantly took something voluntarily most likely coke. Sorry OP, I get why you are trying to make the best of it and gloss over and move on but it won’t be the last time this happens. Eventually you will have to look it in the eye and make stark choices.

Wow, he really fucked up. I would be livid.

He is convinced something untoward happened such as spiking

😂😂😂

Some posters really need to give OP a break - it’s likely not very enjoyable a holiday for her if she has to look after the kids by herself. That’s probably why she’s not going.

This is very good advice! I used to be that woman wasn’t confident to drive. I think you can get extra driving lessons so you can get confident on the motorways.

Take MILs offer!!! Grab it!

Immature, irresponsible, selfish, careless and incontinent stuff is what toddlers do. They have an excuse. He doesn't.

And stop making / accepting / believing seizing desperately at excuses for his choice of behaviour.

He CHOOSE to naff off the night before a planned family trip leaving you to manage everything, to get pissed out of his head with gross consequences and to lay it all on you to deal with and clear up his mess.

Let him suffer the consequences and hopefully his parents' opinion.

Come on woman, get your children on holiday! Many other people manage it. You can do it

Why are you being so passive OP?

I cannot understand your attitude at all?

I’d be absolutely fucking furious!!!!!!

Get in your car and just go!

I can’t believe you are letting his utter selfishness ruin your kids holiday just because you don’t feel comfortable driving for two hours.

I would be so, so, SO angry at him that I’d be willing to drive for ten hours just to get away from him!

It's incredibly unlikely a middle aged man was spiked at a real ale festival.
It's also unlikely he was taking coke, that tends to sober you up when you've had a lot to drink.
The beers at those festivals are really strong and can understand him being really ill if he had a skinful on an empty stomach. I've been to one and ended up being one of the most pissed I've ever been and I didnt think I'd had much. Some of the beers are 14% and we are used to under 5% lagers. I definitely managed not to vomit and shit myself though 🙈
What is dont understand is why he went the day before your trip. That's crazy when he knew he had a long drive the next day. He must have known that he would likely be over the limit, even it he hadn't been sick, and that's unforgivable when you have small children. It almost as of he didnt want to go on the trip, and him trying to persuade you to go without him reinforces that

JFC seriously you still haven't gone? Why are you and your mother pandering to his behaviour?

The number of posters though who keep sympathising with OP and saying it's hard to go away with young kids. How do you think single parents or widowers manage to take their children on holiday alone? It's not impossible to do, you just go with the flow a bit more. What use is a man who put his drinking above his family the night before a holiday and now can't function without going near a toilet. Even if she waits for him to go he is going to be useless anyway for a few more days rehydrating himself.

Feeling very sorry for the little ones to be honest who have probably been hyped up for weeks and can't understand why they now can't go. Whilst probably tiptoeing around daddy because he is 'ill'.

Thanks for letting us know what happened OP. It sounds like he spiked himself with recreational drugs. I wouldn't believe that story for one minute.
Why would anyone spike a man's drink? It's a terrible excuse.
It's actually zero fun going on holiday with two kids alone when you were planning on going with another adult unless you have a close friend to go with. Nobody to talk to or take a turn with the kids or even take one of the children. Two can be a handful.
I think it would be a mistake to let him off the hook and make things easy for him. I'd be giving him hell for weeks to make sure he never does it again. No sex, no cooking, no doing his washing or he will do it again. He' put you and the kids a very poor second to having his fun with his mates. He deserves to suffer.
Could you go and stay with your mum for a couple of weeks? That would teach him a lesson alright. Refuse to come back until he agrees to go to counselling. He was so wasted he could have died. I've seen this as an ex nurse. Such an irresponsible thing for s husband and father to do. Making him go for counselling could save his life.

@Breezeopal WHY are you being such a wet blanket?? He wasn’t spiked, he’s just VERY VERY hungover and is giving excuses to make you feel sorry for him - not that he needs to, you’re doing that anyway 🙄
I predict a sad life on the cards for you at this rate 🤷‍♀️

You call him your dp so not married? 2 young dc, nervous new driver, your dp gets pissed night before holiday and your mum has to come to the rescue twice -firstly so you can pick him up and secondly so you can have an extra night on holiday? Why isn’t your dp paying for an extra night?
Please please say you have a job and are somewhat financially independent?

Don’t go away, just go another time when he’s been sober for a longer time. He’s just going to have “issues at both ends” when you’re away and i imagine you’ll have to revolve your plans around him being next to the room/bathroom. The place stinking like shit. Being unable to try new foods etc

He wasn't spiked. Come on.

I wouldn't want to go on holiday on my own with 2 under 4s, sounds like hell. At that age they won't know much different though, can you take them out somewhere much closer to home, say half an hour away, have a day out, night in a hotel, your partner can join in the morning, another day out where he does all the heavy lifting and call it a holiday. Then when you get back, make his life hell, he does EVERYTHING in the house for the next few weeks, pays for your car to be valeted, and if he ever goes out drinking like that again, its over? Totally totally unacceptable behaviour.

Oh for gods sake…
the story of him being spiked is a red flag. Wake up and smell the roses. Stop being a wet blanket. Oooh I am scared to drive a bigger car.
I am being harsh but for heavens sake!?

It sounds like he just didn't want to go! The kids are having their holiday ruined now.

Just take the smaller car-take a bag of essentials and drive slowly. Tell him to drive up tonight/tomorrow.

If he's this useless, it sounds rather like you will have to be more independent going forwards, sadly, so why not start with a drive with the kids to show yourself that you can do it.

Bit uncalled form, I’m sure the Op doesn’t need this.
Try being a bit kinder maybe?

He's not been spiked, he went way too far.