Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I'm guessing the kiddie seats don't easily fit in your car? I'd be phoning your reservation and using all my powers of persuasion to rearrange. Also nab his credit card, fo for a lovely day out with the children and when they're in bed have a massive go at DH!

She has their 2 toddlers so she isn't alone and remember she is upset and will have this on her mind when she has a 2/3 hour journey on unknown roads in front of her. She will need all her concentration. FFS show a bit of compassion.

Oh love, I’d be absolutely fuming in your shoes. It’s not just about the ruined plans – it’s the total lack of consideration. You’re left scrambling with two little ones while he’s off having a lads’ night that turned into a literal mess? Unacceptable.
If you’ve got the energy, I’d say still go – but make it your weekend with the kids. Let him stew in his shame (and probably a banging headache) at home while you three have actual fun. He can join later if he sorts himself out, but don’t waste your precious time waiting around.
And when the dust settles… that man owes you at least a proper apology, a solo spa day, and never pulling this again. Sending solidarity! 💙

I used to have a DH who drank till he vomited in bed. Fun fucking Bobby to all his mates. I made excuses. So did he - the high percentage alcohol is a classic. I had a second kid with him, I minimised. Thank god I got some big girl pants or had my hand forced through exhaustion and embarrassment. Six years on, this week I took a 16 hour journey on holiday with DCs, our 10th holiday just the three of us. They’re bigger now but they were little and hard work when I threw in towel. I hope the OP learns how to drive the manual car or the one that’s bigger than a Micra or whatever for all of their sakes, it’s the better option.

Hope you went with your kids. My ex used to be like your husband so I know

No way I would be putting up with that shit, I would definitely have gone without him, small car or not.

Go without him. Selfish prick.

I'm sorry to say this, @Breezeopal, but your husband is an alcoholic.

He may not drink every day, but when "the drink takes him", as they say, he doesn't have an "off button". He may not know, and he will certainly deny, that he is an alcoholic. Meanwhile, you are married to him. Educate yourself on alcoholism and start looking out for support for yourself, because you are going to need it in the years ahead - whether you decide to stay with him or to leave him. Good luck. It's a hard road.

I would, and have, just put the kids in my car with whatever bits we can fit in. The only issue is if you have a very tiny car & both DC in prams that literally do not fit. If you’re in the UK, most things can be purchased when you arrive. Holiday parks have laundrettes - I used to leave my washing in while we went for a walk.

Long term, either DH needs to realign his priorities or you need to think about whether you’re willing to put up with this. The night before driving my family for 3 hours I’m generally having an early night & definitely not drinking alcohol.

The pub was 15 mins away and OP dragged her mum out of bed and OP went to pick him up.

Jeez I would’ve left him in the gutter where he belongs.So he’d know for next time . And the walk would sober him up especially if he met some low life poking fun at his drunken state.

My husband has done this (albeit no soiling himself) twice to me now, gone out on the lash as the start of his holiday and left me to either drive or frantically get ready for a holiday by myself! Such selfish behaviour

Hi Ohduckie, I'm glad that you suggested she wait until the kiddies are in bed and then has a go at her DH. Some posters have said they would make a racket and get the kids to join in which to me is bang out of order. They are toddlers and the worst thing to do is argue or shout or throw things whilst they are present. They may be totally scared out of their wits to hear all of that and at the end of the day she will have to make the decision on whether to stay with him or split up but she needs to get through the weekend without upsetting the children, go on a break or day out and then calmly decide what she is going to do. She needs a clear head and not to be all het up when she discusses the future with her DH. I hope the children or not damged by his behaviour or any of the repercussions that will follow.

That is so disgusting, what did he say?

I’ll never understand how and why people shit themselves when drunk. I mean why does it happen?! Why is it a thing?!

Oh, that last part is a bunch of bull shite. He's over 18, so he knows what the %'s mean and how much is too much. How very nice of you to take the children out so your "poor beleaguered pants-shitting, drunk as a skunk DH" can have some peace and quiet.

He seems capable of doing nothing but making excuses for his behavior. Perhaps because you are so willing to accept them? He's a grown man, a husband and a father. I think it's time he starts acting like one. I also can only hope that at some point, you stop enabling his behavior by letting him make excuses.

Are you going to wait for the third time, or next time just leave without him?

Sounds like he had no intention of going on holiday with you.

How do such utterly revolting men find such wonderful, compassionate women?
He drank so much, he vomited and shat himself and you're taking the children out so he can have some peace 😳?
Lord, if there's anything that would give me the eternal ick. Filthy, inconsiderate ass.
That level of drunkeness doesn't creep up on you.

No, he got so ill because he is selfish with poor impulse control.

At least now you know where you rate in his hierarchy.

OP I really hope you come back with an update that says 'I took the kids away myself'.

Even if you couldn't handle the 3 hour drive, somewhere an hour away.

Personally I would have needed to get in the car with my kids as I would be frothing at the mouth with rage if my DH got himself so f**ked by 10pm he's covered in puke and then shits himself & ruins what was to be a lovely 3 nights with the kids.

I hope you didn’t go without him! Why should he get to recover in peace! Absolutely not!!! How embarrassing to shit yourself!!! Why the fuck are women even putting up with this. Own house own money own car and live happily ever after!

I'd be livid - I get it that beer festivals can be dangerous, my husband once did the same (minus the vomiting & soiling himself). But regardless, he's totally trashed the weekend for you & kids - he didn't have to keep drinking. I see you said you're not confident driving but I'd really force myself to drive & have the weekend without him - give yourself a pep talk, know you can do it - you can! stop as many times as you need to - but just do it. Your future self will thank you.

Oh God, this made me guffaw - "manky old alkies"! Love it! 😅😅😅