Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I have never got so drunk I’ve thrown up, ever. I don’t think it’s necessary
Er, good for you?

Ewww I couldn't have sex with that massive walking ick again.

I think I'd have gone halfway today and then done the other hour tomorrow. I understand about being a nervous driver but it would have been ok in stages.

And you might have to get more confident (and get a bigger car) if you end up divorcing this man.

He knew he was going on holiday, lied about having a meal and got massively drunk. It is completely unacceptable. I am not going to say LTB but I do think it's a big red flag for future behaviour.

You can drink without being so drunk that you are sick, never mind the other end. How can a grown adult behave like that - he's not 18.

Agree. Not only that but she seems to have to rely on this man to drive her anywhere not familiar. It is sad that in 2025 women still play the weak, need a man game and as a consequence they end up with a miserable life with a pig that shits and vomits on itself and always puts itself first. It is the children that ultimately suffer.

Yes I would have said I was home with the kids, they'd have to take him to A&E if he was really unwell or take him to one of their houses. Gone out on my own with the kids the next day and not be there when he got in.

My mum was similar to this, so it's horribly frustrating to read, and makes me sad for her but also the children. Every time I thought he'd gone too far and she MUST do something, she'd find a reason why she couldn't or why this time would be different. I hope that for OP's children's sake, and her own, she stops the enabling and is able to change. Because this is clearly not a one off.

RTFT

@FreezeDriedStrawberries

The old, one thing leads to another, excuse?
So, zero control, then?
No sense of responsibility?

It's one thing to have one too many and absolutely
another to get totally wrecked. He ruined the family holiday. He chose to do that.

I wouldn’t have washed his clothes, I agree. I’d have been inclined to throw them out, but OP was clearly thrown by the situation and the smell must have been horrendous so I can understand it from that point of view. It was late at night and she didn’t want the whole house to stink. And I haven’t condoned giving him ‘peace’ to recover. I’d have whipped the kids up into a frenzy and unleashed them on him, and turned on every noisy electrical appliance in the house.

Why are you putting up with this ? Has he done it before , being so selfish ? Go with your kids and tell him to leave

There's a huge gap between getting a bit pissed (and even vomming if that's something you're prone to) and being so drunk you shit yourself. This is really serious and I'd have to demand some work on his part - like, couples counselling, him giving up drinking for a while. Maybe even an agreement on what would happen if this happened again (for me it would be divorce, but YMMV. What would he have done if he'd been single and hadn't had a wife to pick him up? He should have been left to do that rather than your poor mum having to get up in the middle of the night.

OP, fair enough that you don't want to go away on your own with the kids - but he should absolutely be funding you to have a weekend of nice activities instead this weekend, plus paying for you to have a weekend away at a time of your choice to make up for the load you've taken this weekend. I don't think anything can compensate for what you've had to do for him - it's not just the disgusting mess but the fact that it was self-inflicted in a way that ruined your holiday and showed him up as a selfish bastard. I hope his hangover is epic.

I'm a man and have had my fair share of unplanned drunken nights that probably weren't very well received...

...but to get in such a state that you soil yourself when you are taking your kids away the next day is just disgusting behaviour.

Christ let alone last night is he often this bad? Puking on himself shitting himself, unable to stand and get into a car, lying about going for meals. Be enough for me to call time I think.

Till death us do shart....

Touché!

Just take the kids and the bare minimum in your car and leave him home

It’s really not that easy or practical!

Ah op I was would have went crazy. I doubt he'll be any way able to participate in your weekend as I bet his hangover will be monumental. Hope you still manage to have a nice day with kids instead

Come on OP pull yourself together and get some backbone. I would have been in the car and off on my way. Your husband sounds ridiculous. He’s not just had a few pints, he’s obviously taken drugs too and he gives no fucks about you. What a looser he is. I do hope you’re not all still sitting at home being pathetic!

It actually really is.

I am very sorry that this has happened to you, OP. You say that this is the worst you've seen him, which suggests that he has been very drunk before, maybe several times, or maybe a lot more often. I would be very concerned that he likely has a serious problem with alcohol. Drinking, regrettably, is a big part of British culture, but to get so drunk that he lost control of his bowels, and particularly the night before a family holiday, sends up major red flags. If you feel that taking your children away for the planned vacation is too stressful, don't go. But after your husband has sobered up and gotten some sleep, have a serious talk with him. Living with an alcoholic will wreck your life and that of your kids. Don't treat this incident as a one-off.

So you recalibrate and find a motel or hotel that’s closer to home which is still “away,” but still within your comfort zone to drive.

Then you pack up your kids and yourself and you go.

”Can’t” never did anything.

Well you know best. It might not be 'that easy or practical', but it is possible.

Seems a shame to ruin the whole weekend with the kids. Unless you want to sit home and sulk to make a point? He sounds like a right idiot anyway

No one gets this drunk by accident - he made a choice, in fact a series of choices, all of which were based in 'fuck my wife and kids, I'll do what amuses me in the moment'.

He put you and the kids last. He is still doing that now. Think hard about that.

I am sorry op, it really isn’t my great…

change your plan. Do something you can handle by yourself and don’t include him.

Honestly, I would get on with it and take it slow, stop off periodically, 2 kids in a smaller car for 3 days is perfectly normal. I certainly wouldn't be wasting much of my day waiting for him to sober up.