Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

I wouldn’t go by myself – weekend away on your own with two tiny children sounds like hell. But I would be seriously reconsidering my marriage! He shat himself wtf.

I’m sorry OP :( could you take your mum instead? Or take someone else?

You’re much nicer than me I would have left him there.

Yes, I thought this too, get wrecked and she’ll push off without me and take the DC and I can have a weekend all to myself….he knew what was expected of him and he did not just the opposite but as far opposite as you can go. It very well could be deliberate.

You are kidding right? It’s not going to be much of a break for her with him around either as he’ll still be suffering the after effects for some time. And taking a morning off to herself is no consolation when she had planned a nice family weekend.

Gross. I’d be off and leaving him to wallow and get himself together.

Small bags. Break the journey down into small chunks and stop at a services or something every hour if you’re nervous driving. Or train/taxi?

He can join on Sunday. And he’d better be Dad and Husband of the Year for the rest of the time!!

I think you should imagine how he would react if it had been you who acted the way he has...im sure he would not be as understanding.

Yes, I doubt it will happen too. As it is another excuse handy so as to not deal with a glaring issue which is her husband.

But I felt I should suggest it anyway.

This will get swept under the carpet along with whatever went down the last time he had an oopsie 🙄

Obviously he’s messed up big time and is disgusting but it’s also a wake up call you’ve become too dependent on someone else and that’s often a one way street to disappointment. It’s easy in marriage to fall into set roles of driver / passenger but now you’ve been left in a situation where you don’t have the confidence to drive your own kids. Which is a problem. What if you’d gone away and he’d injured himself and couldn’t drive?

When I divorced I had to drive abroad and do diy etc for the first time in years as ex had always monopolised those tasks. you soon get your confidence back when you’ve no choice or the only choice is disappointing your kids or paying out loads of ££. And you will be proud of yourself for accomplishing nee things. Being so reliant on him allows him to get away with crappy behaviour.

in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival

So, unless he's completely stupid he knows not to consume too much alcohol on an empty stomach, especially if he has to get up for a trip next morning. Also, any beer festival I've ever been to they're quite clear about the % strength of the beers with signs up and it's easy enough to ask. So, crap excuses all round. He wasn't responsible for his own actions, poor thing!

Tell him to get up, have food and have a shower and he should be sorted out. What a wimp.

My god woman just go by yourself. You only need a back pack each and depending upon accommodation some food. If you are considering getting in a car with someone that shat himself the night before then good luck!

Please don't let him drive today, that is totally irresponsible.

I hope you're ok @Breezeopal I'd find it difficult to move on from this. As others have said I think this should be a wake-up call for you to become more self sufficient with driving etc as he has shown that he can't be relied upon.

Agree completely. No way would I accept his behaviour, no way would I condone it (as that’s basically what she’s done), no way would I leave myself so vulnerable as to not be able to cope with my own children for a few days alone 🤦‍♀️

PP totally right, OP focus on building your independence and life skills, and stop
mothering him. You didn’t need to strip and wash him, I’d have made him sleep on the floor covered in shit on some plastic and let him clean himself and his clothes tbh.
if there’s any way you can take his money and take your kids to a local hotel with a mate for an alternative treat, anything like that I’d be doing it, and when he is sober announce at very short notice a few mini breaks for yourself, be it overnight or just a few hours, leave him in charge and fuck of out yourself.

I'm really sorry to hear this, this must feel incredibly frustrating for you and your children. I understand it may be difficult as you've got two under 4. However, as others have commented, I'd reduce as much as possible, pack it into your car and just go. Be busy and enjoy yourselves so much that not replying to his messages for a while will be a natural consequence, hopefully one he will learn from. It's still not ideal behaviour getting this drunk even if the break wasn't planned and he had no commitments the next day (it happens sometimes, we're all human!), but it's been made 10x worse the fact that commitments are there.

I'm not saying it's a crime to get drunk and enjoy yourself. However this break sounds like it's been planned and looked forward to for a while, with him agreed as designated driver which he may not be able to do until much later in the day being that hungover, if at all.

If you choose to go on the break yourself, once you return and the dust has settled, I'd have a chat with your husband to make sure nothing else is going on (he might be struggling with something and decided to get wasted?), and/or to agree on boundaries going forward to make sure future plans aren't ruined again. Let us know how it goes!

But I think this is an important lesson for you in self reliance. You must make sure you are competent enough to drive any car and find your way around on your own with the kids no matter what.

Totally agree.

A few months after passing my test, I got a job that involved a huge amount of driving, including a monthly trip from Croydon to Sheffield (pre M25, too, so across some of the busiest parts of London). No satnavs in those days, either, or mobile phones, just a road atlas and handwritten directions for the last couple of miles.

You only learn how to do this stuff by actually doing it, and driving on motorways is an essential skill for any driver imo.

Again, agree completely. I would not have stripped my shit soaked husband and made him comfortable. Nor would I have immediately washed his shit soaked clothes. Not in a million years.

You could absolutely do this drive on your own and totally reduce the amount you are taking. Not all families have a car and use public transport to get to their holiday destination. They just take what they actually need rather than the extras. My brother family do this as they don't drive. You actually do have a car and it is amazing what you can squeeze into a small car.

However I think you just don't want to go without him. Far enough. Have him be in total control of if you and your children get to go away or not.

With regrets (to quote Lord Sugar), YABU because you can't be bothered to learn to drive the big adult car, and can just about manage the teenie weeny car to run about to the shops in and therefore have given your bad excuse of a husband power over the whole family, when going on holidays. Become more independent.

He said he was so ill because in addition to the empty stomach there was a beer festival and the ale/cider he was drinking was really high % and he under estimated the strength of it.

Every beer festival I've ever been to has had the ABV percentage clearly labelled. You don't have to be Rachel Riley to know that (eg) 6% beer is twice as strong as 3% beer and it will get you twice as drunk.

I've been to beer festivals and its definitely a thing to KNOW the alcohol content as you are comparing the different beers, its kind of advertised
.. So he's kind of pretending that he had just a normal amount of beer and all of this is a complete surprise to him. He had no idea he would end up in such a terrible state. The whole episode had nothing to do with him and his choices.

Also beer festivals do serve food. Any adult knows you need to eat if you are intending to drink... and who goes to a beer festival without intending to drink.

What a complete load of BS he's spinning.

I've over the years I've seen acquaintances/friends who were really roaring and inconsiderately drunk they might have puked but they never got as far as shitting themselves.

Was he having more than just drink? Drug's don't have the same intoxication warnings as craft beer, so I guess that wouldn't have been his fault either.

You cannot go away this weekend. There is no way he will pass a breathyliser test at any time today. Please don't tell me that despite not giving him hell over his revolting behaviour you will allow a man who is still drunk to drive his family on the motorway, you could end up with two critically injured or dead children.
Neither will he be in any fit state to enjoy or do anything on Sunday, it takes at least 2 days to recover from that kind of drunk.
This weekend is over, stay at home and rearrange for another weekend.
If you let him drive your kids today then you are as responsible as him.
And for God's sake grow a backbone for the sake of your kids.

You could'nt have predicted this but you now know you need to acquire the skills you need to not be in this situation again. You can't rely on him .

Oh op you are a fool..