Husband has completely ruined our weekend away

[Breezeopal]

We were supposed to be going away today in the UK for a short break with our two children (both under 4).

DH went out straight from work to see friends which had been arranged for weeks but in his words was just to be a meal and quick catch up. I had barely heard from him all evening and he didn’t reply to the couple of messages I sent after the time he said he’d be home.

At about 10pm one of his friends called me and said I would need to pick him up as he can’t get in a taxi because he had been sick and it was on his clothes. Pub about 15 minutes drive away. I said I can’t leave my two children so ended up having to call my Mum (who was in bed) to come to mine whilst I drove to pick him up.

Husband was absolutely slaughtered, it turned out he hadn’t ate anything they didn’t go to dinner and had a pub crawl instead. On the way home it started absolutely stinking and when we got home it transpired he had soiled himself!!

We don’t have a bedroom spare so he has spent the night on the sofa and is in no fit state to do anything currently- he was meant to be driving.

We were supposed to leave by 9am to make the most of day 1 which there is no chance of happening.

I feel like saying fuck it and not going at all but I want a nice time with my children so I am torn…

If he isn't creased with embarrasment and turning himself inside out for days to make it up to you, you should take a good look at your relationship.

He doesn't deserve peace this morning; he deserves to be expected to get up and function despite feeling like utter shit.

If you ever get a call to pick him up in this state again. Refuse and leave him to sort himself out. You have made it all too easy for him.

Is this the only way in which he behaves like an immature, selfish, dickhead or is there a bigger picture that includes you enabling it?

You deserve better than this. I really hope last night was a one-off and he is absolutely mortified.

Has he even apologised? I mean, while making excuses about the ale, and the empty stomach. While ruining your holiday and letting you deal with the children and removing them from their home so he can have quiet time - has he said sorry?

How you handle this event will decide the rest of your marriage and your DC’s childhoods. Stand firm.

Go on your own.
He can enjoy a week of acting like a teenager, throwing up and shitting himself if this is preferable to enjoying a family holiday.

From a driving point of view, if he were ill whilst on holiday for another reason apart from drink, you would have to drive his car. You can get temporary insurance through places like Veygo for 30 minutes up to months so always have that in mind.

Learn to drive with a sat nav on with audio, get confident at driving his car just in case in the future something happens. We were away in the UK and I needed to get Dh to an out of hours GP appointment in an unfamiliar town. He couldn't drive so I did.

Personally I would have packed the car, told him to get up, showered, dressed, a strong coffee in himm, insured myself on his car and started driving you all to your holiday.

If it wasn’t for the stink I’d have left his soiled clothes next to him.

I wouldn’t be able to look at him or have a civil conversation with him.

Op come on. You're behaving like a doormat. Pull yourself together.

There is no reason at all to think he would want even a single second of custody if she leaves him. But of course he could certainly not do them more harm in the small amount of time available to him if he bothered to turn up at all for any visitation.

That's an excuse, and nothing more.

In fact, it is much more likely that he'd manage to be sober on the one day a fortnight he bothered to see them.

And no, the kids could not possibly be at MORE at risk because this idiotic woman is wondering if her slovenly drunk of a husband could possibly drive them this afternoon, approximately 10 hours after he shat himself and puked himself through consuming so much drink he could not even get himself home.

There is nothing to suggest she doesn't regularly let him drive them around or be in charge of them even though he is a slovenly drunk.

So, no, minimising their contact with the alky who shat himself would be a very good thing, would allow them to know their mother doesn't put a drunken clown's wants over their needs, would model to them that if you choose to drink to the point of shitting and puking you don't get to have a nice lie in and continue life as usual, and in every possible way improve their lives - because if this is what he is doing now, it is only going to get worse.

And it might, just might, make him sober up - doubtful but it is about the only thing that might. At this point he has no reason to even try to change as he has a doormat to facilitate and minimise his ghastly and truly appalling behaviour.

Wow OP .. you’ve enabled his behaviour, shown it’s not that big a deal, let him get away with it, been an absolute doormat 🤷‍♀️ Quite honestly, you deserve the life you’re gonna have with him 🤷‍♀️

I have adult DDs and I’d be horrified if one of their partners behaved like this!

I love a drink but how pissed do you have to be to shit yourself 😳🤮

He’s a fucking embarrassment. I had one like that. Get ready for other lovely things you’ll plan for the kids in the future to be ruined because he’s a wanker who can’t say no to a pint. Sorry OP, but I’d be binning him. I realise MN is prone to say dump them but that’s because we’ve been there and got the mental scars to prove it.

I’m disgusted and can’t see how you can’t be.

How would anyone soil themself on purpose?

So you won't be going, well not today at least.

OP I strongly urge you to get yourself added on to the insurance for his vehicle for the future. And to start by driving it so that if a situation arises, (which is a strong possibility) you can use either car.

If you do nothing else off the back of this situation, let it be that.

I’m not a rabid LTBer by any means, but if my DH got so wasted that he shit himself I would be questioning whether to continue in my marriage

Yet another man baby - put your big girl pants on and go without him with the children in your tiny car OR and this is my preferred option, leave the kids with their Daddy and go on your own - have a break and give him a wake up call!

OP can’t even drive her own car any kind of distance, she’s clearly not going to drive a bigger car 🤷‍♀️ She needs to learn to drive full stop before thinking of going on his insurance.

Of course you can cram everything you need for just the 3 of you into your small car theres an empty seat and things can be piled on that too. you'd be surprised what we managed to cram into a small car for trips away.
Getting the confidence to drive the journey is another achievement you'll probably feel quite proud of yourself once accomplished. does your car have a sat nav or if not you can use your phone.
I'd be off without him tbh.

Ah OP, give yourself a shake.

You are making excuses now, no space in car, giving him peace, can't drive his car, don't like the route.

You had 3 days planned with your kids, GO!
Why should you all miss out because of his actions.

3 days; 3 outfits each, 2 X spares for kids, pjs, toiletries... That doesn't require a huge bag.
I'm assuming you need a buggy & that fits in your boots why would you have a car that doesn't fit a buggy with 2 small kids.
Sorted!

I learned to drive in my early 30s and I hate driving anywhere new. I do be sweating with nerves in advance but once I do it, I do be so proud of myself for doing it.
Way I see it, if I want to go somewhere new and have new experiences, I have to suck it up.

Pack your bags, get in your car and go have a nice time with your kids.

Think of YOURSELF and not your hungover husband.

Huge ick isn’t it - difficult to forgive too!

I am reading this agog. If my DH shit himself through drink, I seriously think that it would be the death knoll on our marriage. I know I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way again.

Another vote for strapping on your big girl pants and taking the big car away.

Big girl pants. You needed to go without him. 2-3 ?hour drive would have been fine with a break somewhere the dc could stretch their legs and play.

Strange how all these accounts of DPs getting absolutely paralytic are almost always before an event or holiday that means something to the wife or children. Just acts of sabotage with no thought or care for their families. These men are pathetic

I get that you aren't feeling confident about the drive on unfamiliar roads OP, I am currently in a period of driving anxiety (thanks menopause). However, you CAN drive, you've passed your test....it doesn't matter if you take a break every half hour or so. You have the skills to do this if you choose.

Your husband will not be fit to drive today, and possibly still not OK tomorrow. That's even if you want him with you right now.

You will fit everything for you and the kids in the car - if you don't want to go alone, how about a friend, or your mum coming with you? He's effectively deselected himself for this trip and perhaps that was his intention? No-one 'accidently' gets drunk...surely he would have realised after a couple of pints that the beer was stronger?

And, if it helps, I took 4 adults to Glastonbury festival in my old Corsa. It struggled a bit on the hills but was absolutely fine for carrying 3 tents, 4 sleeping bags, assorted luggage and food/drink for the first day or so. And if your DCs are still small, you have extra space in the footwells in the back.

I hope you manage to sort this OP and that you manage to get away for a night or two - you deserve a break.

If you feel you can’t manage the 3 hour journey then go some place else closer with the children. But I’d go for the weekend (not just the morning) as I wouldn’t be able to stomach being near him so soon after that shameful event. Even if it means sleeping at your mum’s.