Mortified by DH’s behaviour in Asda

[EllyRoff]

Went to Asda yesterday afternoon - ours has a pharmacist in there and DH needed some Laxido so we went across. The woman serving said they didn’t have laxido but they did have movicol which is the same thing with a different name. DH asked her if the ingredients is exactly the same as he has to be very careful with what he takes (true) so she went off to check with the pharmacist. Whilst she was gone DH was looking around him all anxiously and then as she reemerged she walked over to him smiling - he promptly sticks two fingers up at her and then runs off!!! Leaving me stood there like an absolute clown. I was mortified, apologised profoundly to her and walked away. Later caught up with DH who had simply gone back to shopping in Asda as if nothing had happened. His excuse was that he was scared to take something different but was feeling pressured and didn’t know what to do so legged it. I asked why on earth he swore at her and he said he “just panicked”. I’m still furious, my mum thinks I’m over-reacting a bit but DH can do no wrong in her eyes. Am I over-reacting??!

No, I'd just shrug and instantaneously forget about it. You get completely inured to that sort of thing if you are in the job long enough.

Tell that to someone whose cat got run over. Go on, I dare you. I don't think your issue is autism. You may have it. But clearly that is not your only issue

Agree this is the sort of behaviour I would understand from someone with some learning or social difficulties. Not OK but you make allowances.

Utterly bizarre and unacceptable for someone who doesn't need supervision to go out.

If this were my husband, I'd feel very much responsible and it would keep me awake.

Have you considered that you're laughing at someone with some sort of disorder? Would you like it if people laughed and encouraged any of your behavior they find odd because it's amusing to them?

This behaviour screams someone mentally unstable. You have a diagnosis and obviously may not be aware of socially acceptable behaviour but this man doesn’t. It’s concerning because it isn’t normal behaviour for him or anyone and could indicate some kind of neurological issue or MH issues.

Whatever, random Mumsnetter.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

What I find interesting is your thought process. You have autism so I assume you are aware that part of that will be the potential for you to not pick up on social cues or to struggle with communication with other people or boundaries of appropriate behaviour. You’ve had a lot of people on this thread explaining why what happened isn’t appropriate, you are the lone voice on here (so far) who seems to actively think it was a good thing to do.

At what point do you think to yourself ‘Hmm I wonder if this is one of these things where my autism is making me miss X or Y? If I’m the only person who thinks this, does my thought process need to be revised? Maybe I should take notice of this!’

You may have autism but you aren’t unable to be introspective or to use information that you are getting to change your approach to things, surely?

Did he perhaps have a UTI as well as constipation? That can result in some really bizarre behaviour. That, or he is an idiot.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX you said we need more people like him. Good on him.

Sounds most likely he was being a nob....

... However, i have seen a few patients over 20 years who have turned up with various mental helatb and even physical medical conditions where looking back there were early signs of odd behaviour... Almost always the person either has no insight as to what they've done being odd, or, realises it's odd bit can't offer a reason as to why they did it...

.. Have a long chat with him, and keep a very close eye on him for patterns or changes in behaviour.

I could get if he got into a real panic and genuinely lost control of his actions, but this to me would indicate a real mental disorder.

Yes, people who don't take themselves too seriously and act the clown from time to time.

I wasn't suggesting people just go ape abusing random retail workers.

But earlier you said we need more people like her husband and good for him?

So you don't seem to think that sort of behaviour towards staff is unacceptable.

Sure you might find it 'amusing' to see infantile behaviour others dont. Nor does it mean people have sticks up their arses. Who in this scenario had a stick up their arse?

If it's completely out of character for him while sober (some people are idiots when drunk) then I think he might need to see a doctor. Physical disease of the brain can cause bizarre behaviour. People can develop dementia-like conditions in middle age.

This is just what the world doesn't need, you never know what a person is going through in their lives. She is a human being who was doing her best to help and unless he has some sort mental health issue there is no excuse.

this absolutely.

Indeed.

I'd say he needs to see a doctor for a MH assessment. That behaviour is not normal especially in this context. It actually makes no sense whatsoever and since you say he doesn't have form for this kind of twatish behaviour I'd be a bit concerned.
If it turns out there's nothing wrong with him, I'd have serious concerns about my marriage.

Perhaps yours is the condition PPs are asking whether he might suffer from.

I wish I was as edgy and aloof as you 🙄

Actually, you were. You said the world needed more people like this. It doesn't. And it doesn't need people who think this kind of behavious is acceptable either.

So where you worked, the customers were routinely so abusive that if you went away to find something out for them, came back, they gave you the V and ran off, you would be totally unfazed and even think what a free spirit they were and wish more people would do it?

Would it surprise you to learn that I don't believe you've worked in retail?

I would be sooooo funny if someone pushed you down some stairs for a laugh. Especially while you’re at work! Just to humiliate you & be a bit of silly goose right? Sooooo funny! People falling over is such a laugh. I love it!

Showing respect to someone doing their job isn’t “having a stick up your arse”. If he’d done a huge loud fart, giggled and ran off…that would be immature and infantile and also a tiny bit clever since he was asking for constipation medication. But swearing at someone and running off is so…nothing. There’s no punch line. There’s no silliness. There’s no humour there. It’s just being a dick.

Why? What’s wrong with him?

If this is totally out of character then maybe look into a more serious reason why he would have done this. Otherwise he is bang out of order and it was an awful thing to do to someone who is just trying to do her job. She may have just thought what a prick or it may have really upset her. Either way if that was my husband he would either be getting medical help or I would find a way to humiliate him in public see how he likes it