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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortified by DH’s behaviour in Asda

547 replies

EllyRoff · 09/08/2025 09:01

Went to Asda yesterday afternoon - ours has a pharmacist in there and DH needed some Laxido so we went across. The woman serving said they didn’t have laxido but they did have movicol which is the same thing with a different name. DH asked her if the ingredients is exactly the same as he has to be very careful with what he takes (true) so she went off to check with the pharmacist. Whilst she was gone DH was looking around him all anxiously and then as she reemerged she walked over to him smiling - he promptly sticks two fingers up at her and then runs off!!! Leaving me stood there like an absolute clown. I was mortified, apologised profoundly to her and walked away. Later caught up with DH who had simply gone back to shopping in Asda as if nothing had happened. His excuse was that he was scared to take something different but was feeling pressured and didn’t know what to do so legged it. I asked why on earth he swore at her and he said he “just panicked”. I’m still furious, my mum thinks I’m over-reacting a bit but DH can do no wrong in her eyes. Am I over-reacting??!

OP posts:
Inapickle3012 · 09/08/2025 12:37

Milliejacksonhouseforsale · 09/08/2025 09:06

For abusing a shop worker..are you right in the head.

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Omg is that what we call abuse now 🤣🤣

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 12:39

CurtainSunrise · 09/08/2025 12:36

I am trying to understand where you’re coming from. Are you saying that you find this kind of behaviour hilarious and not offensive? And the humour of it outweighs any potential offence because you have a thick skin. So you would like a world where people behaved in an immature way like this as you would find it funny. And you would like others not to get upset or offended by being sworn at as you don’t see it as a big deal?

That does not however mean that you would go around doing the same as this man?

Have I got this right?

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Yes, that's a fair summation, the only caveat I would add is that rather than wishing people wouldn't get upset, I understand why they do, but I think they'd be better served for just seeing it for the meaningless nonsense it is and laughing it off. Absurdism I suppose. It completely disarms a lot of low-level hostile behaviour.

xLittleMissCantBeWrongx · 09/08/2025 12:40

The absolute stomach turning ick that this would give me. I don’t think I could come back from it 😬

Snorlaxo · 09/08/2025 12:41

Sidebeforeself · 09/08/2025 12:12

We’re all falling for this then are we?

Did we ever find out what T-rexing in Asda looks like?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/08/2025 12:41

Quick question OP.

It seems fairly unanimous on here that his behaviour was in appropriate.

Why does your mum think you are "over reacting" by being embarrassed by it.

I think that is quite undermining and feels like its encouraging you to dismiss things that you think are not acceptable. Does she often do this?

"DH can do no wrong in her eyes" ?

That sounds like this is a frequent turn of conversation.

Ryah76 · 09/08/2025 12:43

As bizarre and embarrassing as this is, I guarantee it will be soon be a memory that evokes laughter.

xLittleMissCantBeWrongx · 09/08/2025 12:44

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/08/2025 12:41

Quick question OP.

It seems fairly unanimous on here that his behaviour was in appropriate.

Why does your mum think you are "over reacting" by being embarrassed by it.

I think that is quite undermining and feels like its encouraging you to dismiss things that you think are not acceptable. Does she often do this?

"DH can do no wrong in her eyes" ?

That sounds like this is a frequent turn of conversation.

I’m so sceptical of threads like this. The behaviour is so ridiculous that I simply don’t believe anyone would disagree. I think OPs just make this up to justify posting a thread about it.

BunnyLake · 09/08/2025 12:46

Ryah76 · 09/08/2025 12:43

As bizarre and embarrassing as this is, I guarantee it will be soon be a memory that evokes laughter.

Edited

Would you though? I mean the bit that would be causing the laughter is the fact that a grown man randomly stuck his two fingers up at a woman who was just a stranger doing her job. Can you explain the funny?

Treesarenotforeating · 09/08/2025 12:49

What a prat

Spottydogtoo · 09/08/2025 12:50

This isn’t real surely. Unless your husband has learning difficulties like someone else said?

Hankunamatata · 09/08/2025 12:55

Er how old is he?

whynotwhatknot · 09/08/2025 12:57

if hes ill get him to a gp thats not normal behaviour

Radiowaawaa · 09/08/2025 13:00

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 12:02

Why does it "not make sense"?

I find it mildly amusing, hence why I'm not bothered by it.

If the person it's directed at finds it offensive, then it's up to them to deal with that and take it to some sort of conclusion. It's not my responsibility, so what I think of the behaviour is neither here nor there. It happened to someone else, not me, it's not for me to tell the person it happened to how to react or that their feelings are right or wrong, but conversely, the fact I find it amusing has no bearing on the event or the aftermath whatsoever either, so I'm really struggling to understand why it's apparently such an issue that I'd have a wee giggle if the same thing happened to me.

Also, if this was my DH, I'd share the same concerns about health, and after I'd apologised to the staff member, I'd probably admonish him as well, but I'd definitely be doing so half-heartedly and while trying to suppress a fit of the giggles.

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Your original post said,

’The world needs far more individuals like your DH. Far too many people taking themselves far too seriously. Good on him’.

Yet you acknowledge that the majority of people would have been offended. They are not ‘taking themselves too seriously’. Like you they have a right to not tolerate abuse.
His behaviour was directed at a complete stranger, neither you nor ops dh know whether this person would have found it offensive. Did you mean that you need more individuals like this in your life rather than the world does?

Sunaquarius · 09/08/2025 13:05

he didn't want to accept a drug and was faced with the uncomfortable fact that he has irrational anxiety about the alternative drug (ingredients are the same)and couldn't see a way of declining this drug without having to present himself as irrational. He felt angry at the woman who he blamed for putting him in this position and thought it better to express anger (much more manly) than vulnerability (anxiety over medication).

This is why we need feminism, so men can be free to express anxiety and avoid swearing at people.

KateBushAgain · 09/08/2025 13:11

There has to be some sort of mental health issue going on and I’m sure that’s the impression he gave the shop assistant . She’ll assume you are the carer.
I would genuinely be very concerned about him .
Does he clearly remember what happened ?

Radiowaawaa · 09/08/2025 13:12

Sunaquarius · 09/08/2025 13:05

he didn't want to accept a drug and was faced with the uncomfortable fact that he has irrational anxiety about the alternative drug (ingredients are the same)and couldn't see a way of declining this drug without having to present himself as irrational. He felt angry at the woman who he blamed for putting him in this position and thought it better to express anger (much more manly) than vulnerability (anxiety over medication).

This is why we need feminism, so men can be free to express anxiety and avoid swearing at people.

Let’s blame women for men being unable to express their anxieties appropriately in public.

ginasevern · 09/08/2025 13:23

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 09/08/2025 09:04

The world needs far more individuals like your DH. Far too many people taking themselves far too seriously. Good on him.

You are so right, it's absolutely side splitting! I mean pharmacists, doctors, surgeons etc, all behaving as if they've got some sort of serious job to do. And to make matters worse, they seem to think they shouldn't be told to fuck off by some "hilarious" random stranger whilst they're doing it. Personally I think anyone doing any job should have "regular verbal abuse" written into their contracts. What a scream. It would make the world a much better place - especially for the employees!

momtoboys · 09/08/2025 13:24

What the??? I would be mortified!

DeLaRuiz · 09/08/2025 13:26

BunnyLake · 09/08/2025 12:21

It’s not hilarious. Having a grown man, a total stranger, behave so obnoxiously towards you when you haven’t done anything wrong can be extremely upsetting.

The low standards of some people’s behaviour and wilful lack of social skills is depressing.

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You contradicted me, in the funniest way! Hahahaha. Op’s story made me laugh, I found it hilarious.

You dogmatically telling me it’s not hilarious, also made laugh.

you can laugh, or not, depending on your mindset and mood. You evidently want me to feel the same as you do. I don’t.

Sidebeforeself · 09/08/2025 13:26

Snorlaxo · 09/08/2025 12:41

Did we ever find out what T-rexing in Asda looks like?

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Ahh maybe you’ve hit on something there!

LancashireButterPie · 09/08/2025 13:27

Yeah, my friends a female pharmacist and also Asian. She gets abusive crap from men all the time.
Your partner probably won't even be the only bit of aggro she gets today. There's nothing angrier than a "sted head" or a methodone addict, waiting for their late prescription.

How can you defend him OP?

JustSawJohnny · 09/08/2025 13:32

How does he function in the real world if he's too 'scared' to say "I'll leave it, thanks"?!!

Twat.

hehehesorry · 09/08/2025 13:34

I'd be embarrassed but I'd die laughing afterwards at the sheer strangeness of this if he's normally normal. I think if you're this bothered by stuff like this you either don't love your husband as much as you should or you care far too much about what someone in a shop thinks of you. Likewise if I was a cashier and this happened to me I'd text my friends straight away to laugh about the weirdness of it. It'd be different if he scowled and put a finger up but the running is comical.

saraclara · 09/08/2025 13:36

Why on earth are people continuing to contribute to the worst and longest thread jack that I've ever seen on Mumsnet?

The poor OP came here for help, yet everyone's more interested in engaging with a random idiot, and her problem has disappeared under the dross.

TeamBuffalo · 09/08/2025 13:36

LoremIpsumCici · 09/08/2025 10:13

Yes, but real life always falls short of the lofty ideal of all customers being perfectly mentally well, and perfectly mannered at all times. Honestly, he wasn’t abusive. He had a panic attack. In a pharmacy section. This is nothing to be ashamed of or furious about or for staff to take personally,

You are more angry on this thread than the OP’s DH was.

All this anger at a man suffering a panic attack (possibly his first ever one) is not warranted and frankly, kind of ableist.

Edited
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You can diagnose a panic attack without a consultation and without having seen the incident? Have you thought of offering your diagnostic services to the NHS?