Page 8 | To think we’ve lost the concept of men being men and women being women, and society is worse off for it?

ThatNimbleKhakiAnt · 2025-08-08T17:33:06+00:00

Traditional gender roles may not have been perfect but at least they provided structure. Now everything is blurred and instead of progress, we just have confusion. Are relationships stronger? Are people happier? I don’t think so. It feels like in trying to fix things, we’ve just made everything messier. AIBU to think we’ve lost something valuable?

Livelovebehappy · 09/08/2025 13:33

CowHeronCow · 09/08/2025 08:37

Of course they should judge! If someone has some dopey fixation with being treated as if it’s pre-women’s suffrage, she doesn’t need my validation, and she’s certainly not going to get it.

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Doesn't need your validation. And you can judge of course but keep your judgement to yourself. I've seen women on here lectured and ridiculed for holding traditional views. We might not agree with them, but if they're happy let them get on with it.

QuarkQuarkPoshDuck · 09/08/2025 13:38

Gender roles are nothing but outdated stereotypes.

People are people.

I personally don't understand all these different genders as that contradicts moving away from gender stereotypes and actually supports it my insisting ln being labelled.

We don't need labels.

JaneJeffer · 09/08/2025 13:44

Pete Hegseth is that you?

Anyone else singing Gett Off?

ChildFreeAndOhSoHappy · 09/08/2025 14:54

SawPalmettoPrincess · 09/08/2025 02:16

I’m a woman, 45 and I absolutely agree.
I like the fact my husband is masculine. We share chores, but he mows the lawn, puts up pictures, takes out the bins, cleans the toilet. Meanwhile I cook, iron, vacuum etc

I like to ensure I’m in makeup daily. My hair is nice and I’m dressed in something attractive. He dresses smart, shirt, tie, ensures he’s clean and fresh. I’ve never said no to hanky panky - it makes me happy to make him happy and he enjoys making me happy too.

He always drives. I like to read my books in the car on journeys. I dislike driving.

I do the shopping, but he will escort me to lift anything heavy and carry the bags.

His job is traditionally male. My job is traditionally female. Although rather fortunately we earn about the same, him marginally more.

So we actively try to live traditional roles. If I could afford to give up work and be a housewife, in lipstick and a pinafore, I would in a heartbeat. I very much enjoy traditional roles as does my husband and it works. We’ve been together since we were 15. Although I think it spoils life a little to have to get up and go to work, when I could be making myself pretty, going to the gym, cleaning the house and cooking a wonderful dinner each evening for him to come home to.

The idea of equality of the sex’s was noble, but these days, it just means everyone has to struggle a bit more. I’d rather go back to the 50’s.

I don’t look down on anyone who chooses a different way of life. Each to their own of course, but I can’t imagine not embracing my femininity as a woman and I would find it very unattractive for my husband to be less masculine.

I'm so glad that most women don't feel the need for such exhausting rigidity or the stress of having to fit into such a black and white box. Good for you and all that but I'm so glad this antiquated notion has been killed off with fire. Also, a woman can be just as attractive with no makeup, a messy bun and wearing jeans and a t shirt, more so in my opinion.

Coolasfeck · 09/08/2025 14:58

No. Hard disagree. It’s great that things have changed. I don’t want them to go back. I have a DS and I want him to feel comfortable showing emotion etc.

The first time I heard ‘Samaritan’ by Idles, I cried. It’s unfair to never allow boys and men to be vulnerable.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 16:53

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 08:47

I really respect your honesty about this.

It is truthfully so much more peaceful having one leading on the home/children and one leading on work- each person is much clearer on what they are doing, arguments are minimal and both have more energy and freedom to pursue other interests and actually have some downtime.

If it’s of any help in your situation where you are trying to share, to help with clarity I can recommend reading ‘Fair Play’ by Eve Rodsky. She talks about what you are saying about one person needing to properly plan, start and complete a task or it creates confusion. I would also recommend lists and schedules for everything. Go through every room and area of your home, inside and outside. Go through every single task which needs completing and how often. It may help you both to have a really clear list of exactly who is doing what and when.

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We both work full time and what pp describes is nothing like my household. It is peaceful and we don't need defined gender roles to know what we're doing because we both just get on with it. We don't find it difficult to have downtime and pursue other interests either.

No lists or schedules either. If something needs doing, one of us just does it and it works out to be about 50/50 with us both chipping in.

JHound · 09/08/2025 16:55

People are free to follow gender roles if they want.

We have lost nothing by people having greater freedom to shun societally imposed gender roles that do not suit them / their strengths / their interests.

I would be utterly miserable if I had to adhere to female gender roles and glad to live in a society where I don’t have to.

JHound · 09/08/2025 16:57

I’ve never said no to hanky panky - it makes me happy to make him happy and he enjoys making me happy too.

Good Lord 😂

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:05

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 16:53

We both work full time and what pp describes is nothing like my household. It is peaceful and we don't need defined gender roles to know what we're doing because we both just get on with it. We don't find it difficult to have downtime and pursue other interests either.

No lists or schedules either. If something needs doing, one of us just does it and it works out to be about 50/50 with us both chipping in.

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Well bully for you- many others clearly DO benefit from such help, or why are books like this being written and selling so well?

JHound · 09/08/2025 17:05

How trad are we talking? My Grandmother's and great grandmother's always worked so I dont have any example of SAHMs in my family going back 100yrs

This is a great point and ignores the role of class. Women in my family have always worked outside the home. They had to.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:12

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:05

Well bully for you- many others clearly DO benefit from such help, or why are books like this being written and selling so well?

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Because far too many men are useless and unfortunately some women think it is their job to attempt to fix them with lists and schedules when actually, the issue is more with those men simply thinking that childcare, mental load, organising etc is the woman's job.

JHound · 09/08/2025 17:15

Also what on earth does a woman “being a woman” mean. I am a woman because I am one. I was born a girl and became a woman. That’s it.

MayaPinion · 09/08/2025 17:15

I consider myself to be feminine and my 6’ former rugby playing DP to be masculine, but I would rather chew my own head off than be a housewife and we split chores equally (though he does more of the heavy lifting). We both do the garden. He takes care of the cars. I do a bit more cooking. He wouldn’t like me to give up work because he knows I’d be bored to death in a week. I would take absolutely no joy in being the house ‘servant’. We are partners. There is no power imbalance in our relationship.

JHound · 09/08/2025 17:17

Oh…OP made one post and vanished.

Of course.

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:17

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:12

Because far too many men are useless and unfortunately some women think it is their job to attempt to fix them with lists and schedules when actually, the issue is more with those men simply thinking that childcare, mental load, organising etc is the woman's job.

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Life is busy and many people, irrespective of gender, operate better with tangible lists and tasks to tick off.

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:19

MayaPinion · 09/08/2025 17:15

I consider myself to be feminine and my 6’ former rugby playing DP to be masculine, but I would rather chew my own head off than be a housewife and we split chores equally (though he does more of the heavy lifting). We both do the garden. He takes care of the cars. I do a bit more cooking. He wouldn’t like me to give up work because he knows I’d be bored to death in a week. I would take absolutely no joy in being the house ‘servant’. We are partners. There is no power imbalance in our relationship.

No need to be rude and judgmental about housewives- they aren’t servants, and if you can’t find something that is of value to do to fill up a week then that says more about you.

SerafinasGoose · 09/08/2025 17:22

nocoolnamesleft · 08/08/2025 18:42

Men are adult human males. Women are adult human females. Gender is mostly made up bollocks used by the patriarchy to oppress and control women.

Yep. That’s about it.

I have no interest in what regressive stereotypes dictate I ‘should’ be doing by virtue of having tits and a vag. I live the way I want to live.

Incidentally, the notion that women’s entrapment in the domestic sphere is ‘traditional’ is false. It’s a comparatively modern concept, mostly stuck within the mid-twentieth century courtesy of the marriage bar. It’s also a luxury belief. Women in war time largely worked for the benefit of the collective. And working-class women have always worked.

‘Women are carers’ has about as much validity as ‘Scots are dour’ or ‘Germans have no sense of humour’. Regressive, inaccurate stereotypes are just that.

JHound · 09/08/2025 17:22

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:17

Life is busy and many people, irrespective of gender, operate better with tangible lists and tasks to tick off.

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I am one. But I don’t suddenly change behaviour in relationships and leave it to my partner….

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:24

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:17

Life is busy and many people, irrespective of gender, operate better with tangible lists and tasks to tick off.

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A list for yourself is absolutely fine if it works for you.

The issue is when you claim you don't know what to do and then expect someone to make lists and organise for you instead of making an effort yourself, especially when we're talking about basic stuff such as housework.

SerafinasGoose · 09/08/2025 17:25

JHound · 09/08/2025 17:17

Oh…OP made one post and vanished.

Of course.

🤣

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/08/2025 17:25

What do you think we've lost?

I'm not interested in going back to the 1950s, thanks. My life is infinitely better than my SAHP mum's.

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:27

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:24

A list for yourself is absolutely fine if it works for you.

The issue is when you claim you don't know what to do and then expect someone to make lists and organise for you instead of making an effort yourself, especially when we're talking about basic stuff such as housework.

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I think you should read Eve’s book for context. Her and her DH devised everything collaboratively, it greatly improved the running of their lives and their overall communication, and therefore their marriage. It was not about her doing all the list making.

It doesn’t sound relevant for you anyway, so why so defensive?

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:31

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:27

I think you should read Eve’s book for context. Her and her DH devised everything collaboratively, it greatly improved the running of their lives and their overall communication, and therefore their marriage. It was not about her doing all the list making.

It doesn’t sound relevant for you anyway, so why so defensive?

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I'm not interested in reading the book. Doing it together is fine too but far too often, men expect women to do it all for them including the lists and organising.

I'm not at all defensive.

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:33

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:31

I'm not interested in reading the book. Doing it together is fine too but far too often, men expect women to do it all for them including the lists and organising.

I'm not at all defensive.

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Riiiiiight…so no need really then to interrupt a conversation between two other posters which may be of some help to one of them which is utterly irrelevant to you then, is there? 😂

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2025 17:38

ThankYouNigel · 09/08/2025 17:33

Riiiiiight…so no need really then to interrupt a conversation between two other posters which may be of some help to one of them which is utterly irrelevant to you then, is there? 😂

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It wasn't a private conversation. People can respond to any comment they like, happens all the time on here.

You also engaged with me and even asked me a question when I ''interrupted''.