Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

Stand your ground OP. Your instincts are right and this has so many red flags. There have been horrific injuries and child fatalities from bull breeds. Being shipped off to another house where she doesn’t know people well is at best frightening and at worst a child protection issue if you don’t know who is there. If you can get your husband to draw the line with his family so you don’t take any flak for it.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but I wouldn’t send her again no matter how many arguments it causes. Let them come to you if they want to spend time with their grandchild.

Christ! You sound so passive. What would happen if you said no?

No, what's ridiculous or entitled about the BIL who lives there not to want to move out of his home for a week to appease his batshit SIL?

Yes a “dogs” house, not a child. Haha it’s madness.

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Sadly most dog people always put their dog first above all else. They are so very selfish.

I'd assume nobody else wants to take the dog in, and BIL doesn't want the dog in kennels when it isn't a necessity. That's fair enough.
You don't want DD there with the dog, also completely fair enough.

I highly doubt that MIL wants to leave her own home for a week, but she's willing to so she can facilitate still having that time with her grandaughter. I don't think I could be mad about that. Daughter shouldn't be forced to go if she isn't comfortable with it, but I wouldn't stop her myself.

Your daughter's safely is the top priority, don't let that dog anywhere near her. I wouldn't go anywhere near the dog myself, they can't be trusted ever.

Can you not read? The child will be in another house with the (non) dangerous dog.

I don't see why you're going along with it.
You don't need her to go. MIL and H want her to go, but MIL doesn't want it enough to ensure the house is safe for dd, nor does your H.

I wouldn't be happy with my dd staying in a house with a dog with questionable behaviour or in a virtual strangers house.

I'd just refuse to allow her to go. Disagreements are better than unsafe situations.

Probably the person who normally has the dog doesn't want it again after last time.

Lol these threads are always fucking crazy. Ofc you're not unreasonable. In normal families, grandchildren stay at their grandparents because...a novel concept to some on here...a lot of families actually like spending time with each other. It's not about free childcare. It's about families have positive relationships, ffs. People acting like having a grandchild for 5 days out of a whole year is some massive favour are wild. Do people not want to spend time with their grandkids anymore??

It's obviously not unreasonable to expect a grandparent who wants to look after their grandchild to consider the safety of pets. Yes, dogs are part of the family, but sending a potentially aggressive dog away for the week is something most normal people would not consider an issue.

Assuming you get along well, I don't know why anyone would prioritise their dog over a young relative for the sake of one week.

Just say no.

If it’s the dog’s home you can’t expect it not to be there - that’s unreasonable

This is less about the dog and more about annoyance the DD is not seen as an overriding priority.
If the dog is massive if it jumped up and scratched DD's chest when she was 4 it cannot be that large height wise.
The dog lives at the MIL'S full time why should he have to move out?
Your MIL and her family are being more than accommodating, I think you should be more grateful and less entitled but no doubt I will be in the minority.

Op is the one using 'gas lighting’ behaviour, she doesn’t even know the breed of this dog, but has decided to call it a Staffordshire bull terrier calling the dog a dangerous dog, jumping up once, when the dog was probably a pup, doesn’t make it a dangerous dog.
Yes, she’s the parent of course her concerns are valid, however, she is coming across as unreasonable
getting annoyed, because her in-laws won’t or are unable to remove their dog from their home.
Now that’s entitled behaviour.

It's 100% some sort of staffie or cross breed or something, they've mentioned it. Beyond that I don't know what it is. It's taller than my waist easily and has a lot of muscle and is massive. My husband was even shocked when he first saw it and asked why his mum was allowing it in her freshly decorated house and it was a puppy then. I'm not gaslighting anyone.

@GD12 can you just send husband instead for his 'week's rest'?

I don't like dogs myself and still see why op is being unreasonable, either say no entirely or accept that grandma's made a plan which you've agreed to and are now looking for a way out.

Pets are family, just not my family because I just about manage my head above water with children 😂😂

What is the problem with a 7 year old spending 5 days (although you keep saying ‘week’ ) with her gran? If she is happy to go and has a good time with her gran?

What is the problem with Gran and your Dd spending that time at another relative’s house? Presumably a relative of your DH? Who your Dd does know because she sees her twice a year. And… she will be there with gran?

It is very kind of the other relative to be so accommodating, enabling your MIL to (quite rightly) keep your Dd away from the dog.

You seem to be just looking for a fight.

Unless the relative is somehow even worse than the dog??

I think I'd just suck it up this year and make other plans for next summer. Try and nip this arrangement in the bud. You've time to think of something....

Read the OP!

The child will not be in the house with the dog!

The MIL and child will stay with another relative… so that the child is not in the house with the dog!

This. YABU - feels like the relatives have done exactly as you wanted and found a compromise that works for everyone.

I think you hit the nail on the head, OP, when you mentioned being controlling…

Staffordshire bull terriers aren’t massive or giant, are you sure it isn’t an XL Bully? :/

Ive really no idea its a big tall thing. I was sure they mentioned staffie but idk. MIL used to walk it but can't anymore as it drags her off her feet.