Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

[GD12]

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

None of that is remotely relevant. Christ alive! Clearly you have psychic abilities and know everything. 🙄I'm sure they're just doing it entirely to upset you because they're also psychic and knew their completely normal and reasonable solution would upset you...

If you don’t need the childcare and your daughter isn’t happy about staying somewhere she doesn’t know well without you, (even if it’s with her Gran), then why can’t you just say that to Gran? Advocate for your daughter - “Sorry MIL, DD doesn’t feel happy staying at X’s house as she doesn’t know it very well, so she won’t be staying this time. Perhaps DDog can stay somewhere else again next time so DD can stay at your house if you’d like her to in the next school holidays”. Job done.

3/4 years ago it jumped up & scratched her. It's not a 'dangerous dog' 🙄🙇🏻‍♀️

Well in 3/4 years of the DD being there regularly it's jumped up once & scratched her.

it sounds like it was a puppy at the time too.

& yes, she knows the relative, she said she sees her a couple of mes a year.

The dog isn’t aggressive but that’s not the point, it’s too boisterous and erratic for your child to be around. Sounds as if your in laws are going the extra mile to me. If they were putting the dig first they would t go to the effort of finding accommodation to enable them to spend time with her.

It's been separated from her since in general but earlier this year it jumped up on me and acts aggressively when you go into the house. It's untrained and aggressive, I've said this. People are trying to downplay it.

She visits with her parents but not stays there once a year in her own. She's unlikely to have much there!

There does seem to be a trend of putting kids with relatives (free childcare) and then being super picky about what goeson. In which case…pay for it and then you can be more in control 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you read the thread you'll see that I don't need the childcare and don't want her to go.

Given the OP's knowledge if dogs it could be a chiuwawa

@Juststop2025 op think’s it’s a Staffordshire bull terrier, but has said she doesn’t know, just that it’s a big dog.Staffordshire bull terriers are not classed as a dangerous dog breed in the uk, they are not on the dangerous dog act list.I use to be a dog trainer, so at least, l know what l’m talking about.
However l completely understand, if a parent doesn’t want their child to be around dogs, it’s just not down to the other person to remove their dog.
It’s a big fuss, over nothing because op, doesn’t even want her daughter to stay there!

Why?

the dogs biggest crime us to jump up (naughty behaviour, not dangerous) 3/4 years ago.

Dogs before human child is madness OP. I’d have thought Gran would be embarrassed suggesting it, but nowt so queer as folk.

3/4 years ago (when it was likely a puppy) it jumped up. It's obviously not fine anything since it we'd have heard all about it.

the OP clearly doesn't like dogs, nor know anything about them.

what big dog is it as the dog you’ve mentioned isn’t exactly big?
What aggressive signs did this dog show, as you keep saying it was aggressive, but aren’t saying what it did? ( jumping up can be excited, playful, not trained etc)
is your daughter scared of this dog?

I wouldn't send a small child of mine to a house with a dog for a week.

As long as staying at the relative definitely means no dog and they won't sneak it in, I think it's fine. That's as long as your dd wants to go. If she doesn't the MIL will have to lump it. A week is a long time when you are that age. Why are 2-3 days not enough.

They are not putting the dog first. Your mil is moving out of her home to stay with a relative so she can spend time with your daughter whilst respecting you not wanting your daughter in proximity of her dog. It’s not all about you. They will see their dog as part of the family and are doing their best to accommodate your wishes

It's the dogs house!! And the Gran is going out of her way to stay in another house to see the child! She's hardly putting the dog first 🤦🏻

That's the length of time decided by husband and MIL.

You're unreal.

you object to your daughter staying somewhere else you say she's having to move out she's not because she doesn't live there. She stays one week a year.

Yeah, you think the brother-in-law that does live there should move out for a week to enable your daughter to stay but the dog not be there

The dog jumped up at her once three years ago when it was likely a puppy, it hasn't eaten her for lunch on any of the lots of time you claim you spend there.

Ridiculous & entitled behaviour!!

Just say your daughters not going and take the consequences of them all falling out with you. Better making sure your daughter is safe & happy than a dog/grandparent. They are all walking over you & your letting it happen by being so nice but your only priority is your daughters safety and your not happy with the arrangements (neither would I be btw) so say no or the MIL can come stay at yours for a week & you & hibby have a nice break away. Don’t let them control you or your daughter she too precious for that

Since when has a staffy been a giant breed

Since OP has no idea what breed it is and knew that "Staff" kicks off sympathetic responses but "Golden Retriever" wouldn't.

I’m usually against IL who are awful , but I think MIL is trying to do her best. I can imagine BIL being so difficult and refusing to move. It’s his dog and his home so I would imagine it being a massive inconvenience to him as well for a whole week.
Your MIL worked out a solution, seems like she tried hard to please everyone.

the only thing is if she needs something from her house, what will she do with DD? And can she be trusted not to pop over with dd to her house?

Ridiculous and entitled behaviour from the dog owners you mean surely?

Ignore the gaslighting posts like this op. Your concerns are perfectly reasonable.