Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

I have some sympathy for you OP but maybe your dad doesn’t trust the changes you might make:

Unfortunately when you are ‘under obligation’ you need to toe the line. Do you maybe have a bad track record with home renovations or do they like to exert their control.

Having had a similar situation with childcare I would consider just finding somewhere new - if you think this is about control that is

Literally

I’m pretty sure he’s like me and seen and heard of how crappy paint jobs can be. Even if they look good to begin with, they won’t after being used for a couple of years

As a ll I might be more convinced with professional spraying (If a protective last coat could be applied) or the wrap which could be removed. Perhaps investigate these.

You need to provide an alternative solution that isn’t going to look awful after a few months and ultimately cost him money.

What about the wrap for the unit sides and trims (they won’t get wear and tear) and brand new doors?

In this regard you have to remove the fact you are his daughter and look at it as your parents being your landlord. Your landlord would not take into consideration your wants/opinions into the decor. Yes, it is unfortunate that he said you could and then changed his mind but as landlord he is entitled to do this. You need to suck this up or else sort yourself out and rent elsewhere. You are coming across as a child throwing their toys out of their pram.

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here. Yes, your parents are doing a wonderful thing by buying you a house to use, but they keep the asset, which will invariably increase in value over time, and they have rental income so it's not exactly a massive sacrifice for them (unless of course they do not have the cash to buy the house and are mortgaging, but I'm assuming that's not the case). Your father is your landlord absolutely, but he is also your dad, so I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel a little upset. If you cannot afford to rent elsewhere then you are stuck with it, but it's not nice to be controlled in that way.

Your thread title is misleading. It should say-Parents wont let me paint their kitchen cupboards.

Fixed it and yes, YABU

How old are the kitchen units? If it's a quite new kitchen that might be his hesitation.
I've painted and wrapped both my kitchen and utility room and they look brilliant. With the right products and plenty of reading up about how to do it they can look really good.

While my situ is slightly different, in that i live with my parent, i am, like you, a single mother in my 40s with two kids, and the house i am in belongs to my parent, and was bought specifically to accommodate all of us.

We're about to replace the family bathroom that myself and my kids use (parent has their own en suite they use, they don't use the main bathroom), and i do not have design free reign, because it's not my house.. i'm being allowed some input on the decor but not the shower/sink units, with my parents approval/final say on if they agree or not. We recently did the kitchen and my opinion was not invited at all in the colour choices.

I understand why, this isn't my house its my parents

I DO have free reign on our bedrooms and am planning an overhaul of mine to make it my own space.

Pick smaller things to change that are easily undone/remedied should it need to be.

I didn't call you a brat. I said you were acting entitled.

It isn't your house.
It's a secure tenancy.
Your rent is lower than market rent.
You're upset about the kitchen cupboards.

This asset that will increase in value will presumably form part of her inheritance.

She'll inherit mortgage free property without ever having to have taken responsibility for housing her children herself. Pretty sweet!

I can’t help but think this really isn’t worth the aggro. I’d be disinclined to have perfectly serviceable kitchen doors painted the ubiquitous boring light grey when they’re fine as they are. Painted cupboard doors can look pretty shit quite quickly and it won’t increase the value at all. Grey is very much done to death by now.
If this is the hill you want to die on then by all means, keep forcing the issue but on balance, I’d be more accepting given the secure tenancy and subsidised rent.

Did you not get anything from your divorce to help with housing?

I do think its a bit mean spirited, if you're going to be there for a long time.

I'm in the same position, we rent our house from my parents, it is for quite a lot less than market rate. We painted our kitchen cupboards (from a cream colour to a dark green colour) and they were not fussed in the slightest. They did buy us and fit us a new kitchen a month or so ago, which I am very grateful for as the painted cupboards did not go well with our cats scratching the paint off! So i wouldn't recommend if you have animals. The new kitchen has transformed the house and massively increased the houses potential. We have done a lot too to make house look better, some things they've contributed too and some things they havent.

I just couldn't imagine letting my child live in my house for quite a lot of money (1k is not an insubstantial amount!) and not let them paint their kitchen cupboards!

Vinyl wrap it. I lived in rentals for 10 years (7 properties as I moved around a lot for work) and not a single landlord let me paint anything. The kitchen is a huge one too, I wouldn’t have even bothered asking!! I vinyl wrapped my kitchen in my final rental and it was tricky and took a while but looked really good when done. Just make sure you’re buying appropriate wrap to be around heat.

I wasn’t even allowed to put anything on the walls including frame or shelves. I did of course and just put it right when I moved out. Your deposit is there to cover any damage/changes you make to the property to make it right at the end of your tenancy. I imagine you didn’t pay a deposit so I understand why he’s saying no.

I can’t live anywhere where the surroundings and decor bring my mood down. In a bit OCD about things like that. I hate other people’s carpets and in the past have them out and lived with bare floors until I could afford to replace. I’d also hate to be beholden to my parents in such a landlord/tenant situation if they wouldn’t even let me paint a cupboard. I’d be looking to live elsewhere and to get my own mortgage.

I don't understand parents like this. Obvs there's a lot we don't know here but this just sounds controlling.

Sure, they are helping OP in a manner but they are also holding it over your head. If it's an investment, who is that for? Are they going to kick you out at some point to sell up? Or is it likely, actually, to be left to you in the will with no intention of ever selling?

If the latter, why on earth not let you decorate? And to be awkward about changing out carpet in a bathroom?!

Do you have the protections of an ordinary tenant? Are they maintaining the property? Safety certificates? Energy efficiency stuff?

I dunno, I can't imagine treating my kids like that, I've given my eldest my last £20 to get fuel. I think when you've got very little, though, you tend to be more giving with what you do have. Which is why we stay skint 😂

Perhaps they have other kids who have their own homes, would be ubfair if they buy one kid a house with other kids possible inheritance and mainteinance of the house isnt free either, if the roof goes- will OP pay 16+K?

YABVU

They are not yoyr kitchen cupboards they belong to your landlord and if they say no, you have to accept that irrespective of who your landlord is.

Move on there are bigger fish to fry....

Speaking from experience here, when parents support to this extent it is typical for it to essentially be taken for granted. A variation on ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. Yes, OP might be grateful but not nearly to the extent that she would be if someone other than her parents had provided her and her children with a secure roof over her head at below market rent. I doubt she’d be having the same argument about kitchen cupboards with an unrelated landlord. She needs to respect her father’s decision and let it lie. And properly appreciate the support she’s getting.

Yes, you’re right, we don’t know the background. But the OP did say that her parents bought it outright and there’s no mortgage.
It certainly is possible that the OP is too dependant on her parents or hasn’t sorted her life out.
My reaction to the OP has been an emotional one and I immediately felt that the parents were not very loving but I have no idea about the back story.
I still keep asking OP how much discount she’s getting. If it’s not much, she may as well rent somewhere else.

@Forfucksake84 I'm with you OP.

If I was the landlord to one of my children, I'd be happy for them to have the cupboards repainted. I'd agree, it would look much better than the brownish MDF colour. It can be tricky to get a great finish but if you're planning to stay there for a while that's more for you to live with.

For what it's worthy, I have a rental property and did exactly that but painted our cupboards white. Yes it does have a few scratches after a while but easy to touch up and looks soooo much better than the MDF brown grain finish they were before.

And carpet in a bathroom is vile, didn't think that still existed?

Do you think your parents are struggling a bit financially or at least they're not super wealthy? Is the plan for this to be your home for the foreseeable?

Doubtful they are struggling financially if they bought the house outright.
I agree about carpet in the bathroom. So unhygienic! I haven’t seen carpet in a bathroom for years. 😀

Putting up with what??? She is not treated worse, there are the same conditions as any other tenant, you have to ask permission for changes wherever you rent.

She has a sibling, explains why they charge rent,its also sisters inheritance

So instead of helping you with deposit to buy a house they have bought one to rent to you? Why, so they can hoard their capital and make a profit from your rent and the increase in equity? I've never heard of such a thing. They know they can't take it with them, right? Sounds like they just want to keep control over you.