Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

I don’t know what this has got to do with my wondering how much her rental discount it. Maybe you’re responding to a different post?

Universal Credit?

There is vile snobbery on this thread.

People who rent still live in a 'home' - they still have the right to a human interest in their own home, decorating, making it colourful. 'Decent' landlords allow this.

There is a 'know your place' lot of advice here - you should just be grateful, this familiy should live for decades without any choice about wall colour, decoration, anything that makes it their own.

@alittleprivacy you say you can paint your cupboards because it's 'my house'

If a tenant occupies over a long term they should be allowed to describe it as their own home and house.

This is eerything that is wrong with the rental market - families living in the pocket of bossy controlling landlords making them feel like serfs who should be grateful for a roof over their head and not see it as their own home at all.

As long as you are renting from them you are living with them by proxy. Technically you are living in their house. It does seem controlling, but the only way to get out from under their control is to get your own place by buying or renting from someone who is not family.

Yes, you are forty, but I'd say that you are emotionally a lot younger than that. I also thinking that you would mature a lot if you had to take care of things all by yourself.

If you rent from someone else, you should just be limited by the rental contract. That way you will know in advance what you can and cannot change about the property.

They’re not your kitchen cupboards though, they’re your parents kitchen cupboards. This is the downside of renting from family. Try to view this as a normal landlord tenant relationship rather than a parent child relationship. You wouldn’t have started a thread complaining that your landlord won’t let you paint the kitchen cupboards. You say you’re getting a small discount, and if they’ve bought the property specifically for you to rent from them then I’m guessing they put some consideration into the type of property and the location to be right for you. I expect they will also provide better care than a landlord who is a stranger. That is the favour they have given. Other than that, they are the landlords and you are the tenant. It’s a case of like it or leave it.

I wouldn’t let you paint them grey, either. Doing it properly (hard work!) in a colour that isn’t going to date, would be another matter though.

Dd and SiL painted some really horrible old brown melamine kitchen cupboards in a pale cream - the difference was astounding. However that kitchen was destined to go within a couple of years anyway.

I've rented for 18 years and never had a landlord refuse a change I wanted to make at my own expense

You're a tennant. Be grateful with what they've done for you! Painting cupboards nearly always looks rubbish.

Parents won't give you a discount and won't put in a new kitchen..
Fuck um. Move

Painted kitchens look shit

Well that's not relevant to what I said but OK 😂

OP you said there was carpet in the bathrooms. So I’m assuming this place is probably pretty old? Maybe he’s objecting now as he’s realised it’ll probably look a bit rubbish? MDF are a bitch to paint and will definitely need to be redone very regularly.

Research renter friendly options or buy new doors.
YouTube will be your friend here.

I've known parents do this, as in not gift the actual property. It prevents future partners of the adult children having a claim on the house, this way they know their wealth will go to the grandchildren.

You are lucky op, if you are on benefits having an landlord who could waver certain months payments can be beneficial.

The kitchen cupboards, preferably would be better just being changed, I think Debbie Magee does an advert for it at the moment, changing only the doors and worktops, but painting, yes I have actually seen some professional matt sprayed woodwork done, and it looks ok.

God bless the child and all that.

I guess it’s his property and he doesn’t need to justify his choices to you or anyone else either.

Have you asked them if you can replace the doors? Maybe a similar price to getting a professional in to paint the existing ones. I agree though that it's their property and you have to abide by their wishes. Painted doors can look rubbish, they may be more willing for you to have the doors replaced at your expense ( they can always keep the old ones to rehang if they wish)

No guarantee she will inherit the property, we can't know that. If nothing else the value could be eaten up in care costs eventually. If your family can afford easily to help you then why wouldn't they, helping to provide an opportunity for their grandchildren to have a nicer life. No one is ever under an obligation to do it, but if you do decide to do it then it should come with no controlling aspect. I suspect, like numerous threads here, that there is more to it than kitchen cupboards. In families where there is good communication, things are discussed and agreed upon with necessary compromise and do not become a mumsnet thread.

thank you!

If you were renting a house from anyone else, you wouldn't be allowed to paint the cupboards. I'd be grateful to my parents putting a roof over my kids heads when I couldn't do it on my own.

No. It's because she still wouldn't be able to get a mortgage. They may well not be making a profit from it either. OP has explained that the parents have helped her sibling out too, so perhaps they have reached the bottom of their finances. It sounds more like OP isn't making an enormous effort to be independent or isn't in a position to do so yet.

You are lucky, that is not the norm. You asked permission though and if they said no would you do it anyway? At the end of the day is not your house, you have the right to ocupy the premises but not to act as the property owner and make changes as you see fit, especially if these changes are irreversible.

Replace the doors with ones to your taste and store the originals to put back when you leave. That's what I would do in a rental. when you leave it should be as it was when you moved in, with allowance for wear and tear. The only changes to decor should be approved by landlord, doesn't matter who the landlord is. it's their house, not yours.

I get your frustration, however, it's their house, their rules.

You are very lucky to have such financial help. I left home at 20 and never received any help onto the housing ladder, or any financial help whatsoever from my parents - until one of them died (when I was 50) and then I got a partial inheritance (which has been a huge help admittedly).

she has a sibling they havent bought a house for her

So what happens if they need care or die - you need to be crystal clear about your home. Without an agreement in writing you have no rights. They can change the locks. Why are they charging you £1K do they need the money? I wouldn’t do this - they sound highly controlling.