Parents won't let me paint my kitchen cupboards

[Forfucksake84]

I currently rent a flat off my parents. I have 2 children and have outgrown the flat and my parents have bought a bigger house to accommodate us. I will still be paying rent, and will be having a rent increase. I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have helped me into a bigger home but I feel they (particularly my dad) are being quite controlling about the small adjustments I would like to make to it. When we first looked at the house they agreed to me painting the kitchen cupboards when I move in. At the moment they are a boring mdf colour and I wanted to paint them a nice light grey. My dad has now backtracked and said that they don't want them done at all, and that they are fine as they are but has given no reason for it. I just don't understand how it would affect them as it won't be them living there! He reluctantly agreed to remove the carpets in the bathrooms as I said it was a hygiene issue but even that was a struggle. He keeps reminding me that he is the landlord and that I need to ge permission to do anything but it feels like he is treating the house as an asset and me as a tenant rather than his daughter and I really feel like I'm not allowed to make any changes at all. Im due to move in in 3 weeks and it's making g me not want to move in at all...
For reference I am 40 and my parents re in their mid 70s

So instead of helping you with deposit to buy a house they have bought one to rent to you? Why, so they can hoard their capital and make a profit from your rent and the increase in equity? I've never heard of such a thing. They know they can't take it with them, right? Sounds like they just want to keep control over you.

If you don’t earn enough to pass credit checks for a mortgage how on earth are you paying £1000 a month for rent?

Well, it depends. They may be pension age and used all their savings - with no pension - for the house and they live off the rent of this property?

if you have "never heard of such a thing" you obvs don't read a lot on MN

@Forfucksake84 Your dad is the Landlord. So treat him as one. Tell him youre willing to pay (out of own pocket) to improve the property, and that will increase the value of it. Show examples.
Im a Landlord, and my tenants did this. They wanted to fix bits snd pieces. Obviously im not going to say no!

Given this... could you suggest some sort of shared ownership where you buy your way into the property... not matter how small an amount? It makes it more secure for you in the future giving you a stake in the property - as they have your sister - without you being treated as the poor relation?

(I assume you are loosing access to any housing benefit as you are renting from relatives also which might make re ting elsewhere cheaper?)

you would if you had to!

That's not correct. People can receive benefits still if renting from relatives (as long as they don't live together) providing the rental agreement, deposit etc is all above board.

The kitchen units are are part of the fixtures and fittings so I can see why he’s not wanting you to do it. You wouldn’t want to paint the toilet bowl or the window frames. If it’s not a big kitchen and the carcasses are standard sizes then replacement doors would be better and actually add value to the property which might make him more amenable to the change.

@BabyCatFace OP said she wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage even if they paid her deposit (they have done that for her sister). I assume OP might do nicely from inheritance although not sure how it will work if estate needs to be split with sister

But they have enough ready money to buy a house outright for you to live in? So they could have given you 1/4 the value of the house (which would have enabled you to buy somewhere presumably- even on one wage) and matched that gift to their other daughter and still had half the capital they spent on this house to hoard.
They are in their 70s but want to keep their capital in their own pockets plus make profit from you rather than help you buy somewhere. If they really wanted to keep their capital they could have bought it and let you live there for free so you can save but no they are £1k up a month from you. I am absolutely baffled.

@sundrenchedsummerandrose OP is not paying market rent so don’t know if that makes a difference. But if claiming housing benefit her parents would have to act as proper landlords, so be willing to act as any landlord would do for non payment of rent, use of property etc.

What do you think a non-related landlord would say to a tenant that wants to paint the boring mdf coloured kitchen cabinets (whatever colour that is?), a light grey - like it's still 2014? The landlord would say an immediate no, and probably start worrying about their chosen tenant that wants to make out-dated material changes to their house fittings.

I have painted kitchen cupboards and it's fine as, A) it's my house. And B) the kitchen was utterly horrible when I moved in, with the worktop literally rotting. The cupboards were dark mahogany but in decent nick, so I replaced the worktop and painted the cupboards a light cream to brighten the room. C) It was a potentially temporary job, as longer-term I might extend and better insulate the whole kitchen, so cheap and cheerful made sense.

Depends on the size of the deposit doesn't it? If it was £30k then sure. But they have bought a whole house for OP outright so they could happily have given OP and her at least sister £100k each which would have enabled her to get a mortgage in most areas - and what's the point in talking about inheritance with parents who would rather hoard their capital and make profit from their single parent daughter than actually help her with their money while they are alive?

Depends on the size of the deposit doesn't it? If it was £30k then sure. But they have bought a whole house for OP outright so they could happily have given OP and her sister at least £100k each which would have enabled her to get a mortgage in most areas - and what's the point in talking about inheritance with parents who would rather hoard their capital and make profit from their single parent daughter than actually help her with their money while they are alive?

The OP has already said that her parents didn't buy the property for her.

The flat i am currently in was not originally bought for me...my parents used to live in it and then let it out to other tenants

They have bought the new house for her outright specifically to rent to her

they have taken probably at least £250k of ready capital and invested it in a property rather than helping their daughter with a deposit that will enable her to buy her own property, plus they make £1k a month profit in their pocket from their daughter. They are arseholes.

Were you intending to paint them yourself or get in a painter? You could make a real mess of them if you don't know what you are doing, some finishes are difficult to paint over and need a lot of preparation.

Same with the bathroom floor were you getting a professional in to replace the flooring?

It really isn't your house so the rules are the same as for any other tenant.

Is the amount they have saved you and are continuing to save you equivalent to the amount they gave your sister for her deposit ? What happens with the house on their death? Will you get enough money from the sale of their flat and the property they live in currently to be able to buy your sibling out of the place you currently live in? What happens if your parents live long enough that your rent savings are significantly higher than the amount given to your sibling? All things you should be considering before complaining about cupboards

As far as they are concerned you are a tenant. At least you will have a secure tenancy unlike many renters who are always facing the possibility of eviction.

I would be counting my blessings if I were you, or making more of an effort to live an independent life away from your parents. Though somehow I don’t think you will do either of those things.

Arseholes?

Ah yes, parents who have put a roof over their daughters head for the last few years, and provide a secure tenancy for their daughter and granchildren are clearly awful people. How dare they stop the OP from painting the cupboards.

If the OP feels she's hard done by, then she is free to find other accommodation...

I don't think you are unreasonable OP.
Maybe try and have a conversation to understand if any rational reason for him saying no.

They really are arseholes, yes
they haven't 'put a roof over her head' they have rented investment properties to her and make profit on the equity and the rent while they did it. They have given money to the DD with a partner so she can be independent and build her own equity pot but OP gets to pay slightly below market rent because she doesn't have a partner, while building up her parents' nest egg with her rent payments. The parents are hoarding wealth and profiting from one of their children. It's utterly bizarre and baffling and yes, makes them arseholes.

Maybe if they hadn't sunk that money into a house to help with 40 year old daughter out, they wouldn't need her thousand a month? They might be better off if they could have held onto the money they used for the house.

If they are such assholes, OP should go and rent on the wider market from a non-family LL. Chances are they won't allow the cabinets to be painted either though.

The trouble with painting them is that they will look very tatty if they get scratched so they will require regular maintenance to look good.