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Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/08/2025 17:54

LadyLapsang · 07/08/2025 17:45

Can you encourage Neil to stop working, enjoy his holiday and have some one to one time with his wife.

Like tell Neil to rein his wife in.

Datafan55 · 07/08/2025 17:55

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 07/08/2025 17:49

I would hit the bloody roof at this rudeness.

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Me too.

winzomm · 07/08/2025 17:56

Who agrees to go on holiday to work 24/7 anyway. That family should have stayed home until darling Neil had time off for his wife and kids. Crazy situation.

Lose your shit OP. Now.

AngelicKaty · 07/08/2025 17:57

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 17:48

We literally always doing something and only spend time 30 min lying around on the beach at one time. But I always find myself being on my own and they end up doing stuff together. For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC. I found that so frustrating. I popped over to the villa to get something and they all go for the lunch but somehow I’m being left out

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Wow, this is appalling. Kate texts you a question and then doesn't check her phone for your reply? She's meant to be your friend FFS! I'd be having a serious word with DH, but I'd be having another one with Kate. Who the hell does she think she is? Disrespectful cow. 😡

Datafan55 · 07/08/2025 17:57

Nachoinseachthu · 07/08/2025 17:32

My view changed when you said you had an injury. If this is a time for precious little downtime, with all sorts of fun outdoor activities in a beautiful natural landscape, I can see how a person could easily be thoughtless enough not to let the matter of your injury get in the way of their fun time. Yes, it would definitely put my nose out of joint too, but perhaps it’s harmless.

Not sure what their excuse for rushing off to lunch without her would be then!

And he should be checking she's okay, especially if she can't do things as post-injury

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 17:58

winzomm · 07/08/2025 17:56

Who agrees to go on holiday to work 24/7 anyway. That family should have stayed home until darling Neil had time off for his wife and kids. Crazy situation.

Lose your shit OP. Now.

5 hours a day isn't 24/7. He should be done to join everyone else by lunchtime?

PrincessScarlett · 07/08/2025 17:58

Kate is not your friend. That was incredibly rude not inviting you to lunch. I'm a bit more on the fence over the activities if you are unable to do paddle boarding and running but there is absolutely no excuse to exclude you from lunch. It almost sounds like she's doing it on purpose.

And your husband being angry. Was that because you accused him of fancying Kate or because you are upset being left alone all the time? Either way, anger should not be his response. Unless he's up to something.

Evaka · 07/08/2025 17:58

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

Quite. Sorry to hear this OP. What a pair of pricks. They're being wildly inappropriate

AngelicKaty · 07/08/2025 17:59

winzomm · 07/08/2025 17:56

Who agrees to go on holiday to work 24/7 anyway. That family should have stayed home until darling Neil had time off for his wife and kids. Crazy situation.

Lose your shit OP. Now.

It makes perfect sense to me from Neil's perspective. His wife and DC have other people to occupy them and he gets to work in peace. Sadly, I bet he's delighted with the arrangement. 🙄

Frostynoman · 07/08/2025 17:59

I would call them both out in a matter of fact way and suggest they sort their shit out. As for what you do with your husband, I wouldn’t know where to begin. They are both aware of what they’re doing, at your expense.

Isittimeformynapyet · 07/08/2025 18:00

nam3c4ang3 · 07/08/2025 17:27

Have you tried speaking to your husband?

Rtft

skyeisthelimit · 07/08/2025 18:01

I think you need to talk to your DH again and say that you don't want to spoil his fun just because you can't do things, but that it was not very nice of them to not wait for you to go to lunch. They may have invited you but who doesn't then check their messages?

There is something odd going on, even if it's only that her DH is busy every day so she is borrowing yours. I would ask your DH that you do something just your family. You don't have to spend every day in Kate's pocket.

Keep an eye on it though when you get home, if his mobile phone behaviour changes, it tells you all you need to know.

PigletSanders · 07/08/2025 18:03

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 17:48

We literally always doing something and only spend time 30 min lying around on the beach at one time. But I always find myself being on my own and they end up doing stuff together. For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC. I found that so frustrating. I popped over to the villa to get something and they all go for the lunch but somehow I’m being left out

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This is really unforgivable.

Your husband clearly wants to shag her, but the way they’re seemingly deliberately leaving you out is genuinely appalling.

If I were you, I’d go home. Or book myself a hotel and not tell them that I was leaving. Jist awful.

Spindrifts · 07/08/2025 18:04

We are brought up to be polite, not rock the boat, etc which is exactly what you are doing OP. Kate is having the whale of a time and so is your husband at your expense. You need to think up a way to trip them up so they egg on their face. Say to them 'I am coming with you both today'. Or , say to Kate 'I'll pop round and cook Neil a lunch and perhaps spend some time with him so he can have a break. You need something that is going to trip them up. Irrespective of what is happening, don't put this on you, put it on them. Get rid of her when you get home, and definitely be as cold as ice with him too, that is if you want to stay married to him.

Silvertulips · 07/08/2025 18:04

I would also talk to him, how would he like it? even if they were eating they could’ve waited - or ordered you something.

FK RUDE

Then I would leave them to it after a sharp work with her husband.

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 18:05

For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC. I found that so frustrating.

That really is outrageous. Why doesn't DH (or DC) have his phone? Let's assume there's a sensible reason for that (when separated from his injured wife), why wouldn't he ask Kate to check for a reply before ordering?. Why wouldn't DC ask why mum isn't joining for lunch? Why wouldn't Neil join for lunch?

Mildmanneredmum · 07/08/2025 18:05

And - back to the original post, it seems to be have been Kate who invited them. Willing to be corrected.

Isittimeformynapyet · 07/08/2025 18:07

bellamorgan · 07/08/2025 17:39

Definitely be dropping that friendship once home with a slow burn.

Dh needs to remember his on holiday with his wife and children not Kate.

How do you drop someone "with a slow burn"?

Simplelobsterhat · 07/08/2025 18:07

You need to talk to DH OP. He's probably not having an affair but he's certainly acting like he's trying to impress her, and they are bring very thoughtless leaving you out.

If you are away as a group, nothing wrong with them occasionally doing something just them if no-one else wants to, eg a run, walking to shop, particularly as her DH not around, but to happen so frequently is disrespectful to you. And it's monumentally rude and thoughtless for your DH to go and have lunch without you on holiday without a conversation with you first, or to book an activity without checking if you want to go. The lunch in particular (unless you were gone and incommunicado for hours and hours) would be a big argument for me and DH!
Do you and Kate do anything and leave DH out? Or him and you without her? If not point out the massive imbalance to him.

DiggingHoles · 07/08/2025 18:08

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 17:24

Yes, thank you! I honestly don’t think they are having affair as they only met each other a few times before the holiday. It’s the inconsideration which is annoying me. And it’s from both of them

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They may not be physical, but at this point it is definitely an emotional affair.

In your shoes I would be tempted to go home by myself, if that's an option. Alternatively, I would spent my time reading at the beach and getting a tan. I would definitely not be willing to feel like a third wheel to them, but i would keep and eye and use what I see to re-evaluate the relationship and this friendship.

They are selfish assholes, leaving you on your own all the time. If the roles were reversed there would be a riot. There is no way this inconsiderate jackass of a husband would allow himself to be treated like this.

ilovebrie8 · 07/08/2025 18:09

The lunch thing is appalling and so rude …I’d not have it….leaving you out like that.

I’d drop Kate as she is not nice in fact she is being nasty, re your OH I’d have it out with him …if he doesn’t change his ways then I’d leave…and move to another hotel….fuck that for a game of soldiers!

LittlleMy · 07/08/2025 18:12

I always find myself being on my own and they end up doing stuff together. For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming. I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating.

@SunnyBlueSeal the fact that neither friend nor DH didn’t even think to check phone after sending you a text asking you the lunch Q is something else. To me, it feels they really love for whatever reason (maybe the novelty/fun of it?) it being just the two of them. Now, to give friend benefit of the doubt, it may be unconsciously done but your DH really has no excuse! 😑

MyLimeGuide · 07/08/2025 18:13

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 17:48

We literally always doing something and only spend time 30 min lying around on the beach at one time. But I always find myself being on my own and they end up doing stuff together. For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC. I found that so frustrating. I popped over to the villa to get something and they all go for the lunch but somehow I’m being left out

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She is such an awful person 😡

MummytoE · 07/08/2025 18:14

I am livid on your behalf op. I think you need to speak to Neil

Nanatobethatsme46 · 07/08/2025 18:14

Isittimeformynapyet · 07/08/2025 17:19

How does the OP be careful? I think this is exactly the kind of outcome she's concerned about.

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She needs to confront them , she should have already said something.she is seeing this happen and doing nothing to put a stop to it