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AIBU?

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Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 07/08/2025 20:50

Sounds like your husband has a big crush on Kate. His behavior is like a puppy dog, completely pathetic.

As for Kate, her husband is MIA and she is probably happy for the company. Hard to tell if her behavior is innocent or not, but the real issue is with your DH.

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 07/08/2025 20:50

And for his birthday he can have…..a case of the finest sparking water money can buy 😂

Mumofnarnia · 07/08/2025 20:52

CherrieTomaties · 07/08/2025 20:47

No one can tell you how you should feel.

Your own feelings are your own feelings. And they are valid either way.

If you don’t mind their behaviour- then you don’t mind. Fair enough.

But if you do mind their behaviour and it’s upsetting you then you need to grow some balls and call both of them out. Face to face. Confront the cunts!

Show quote history

I agree. I would have been doing this the very minute I found out they’d gone to lunch together with the DCs and not bothered to invite op! Doing a sport together is one thing. Spending every waking minute of the day together without including op is absolutely ridiculous.
With the greatest of respect op, they are taking the piss… because they know they can. That’s all it boils down to. Kate knows exactly what she’s doing and that she is able to get away with it. She’s pushing boundaries and finding that she’s getting away with doing so time and time again.

Foolsgold74 · 07/08/2025 20:53

MagpiePi · 07/08/2025 18:47

At the very least I’d be telling him that Kate is making him look a fool, and doesn’t he realise she’s leading him on.

Why on earth are you infantalising a grown man? And why are you putting all the responsibility on her? He's an adult, a married man and knows exactly what he's doing?

nosleepforme · 07/08/2025 20:55

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 20:45

I’m not being passive, as many of you mentioned, I’m asking for advice because I wasn’t sure how to feel about the situation. And from the comments, my DH is shit and my friend is more shit.
My DH and DC just got back from dinner with the other friends. I texted Kate saying that we enjoyed spending time with them but we want to spend tomorrow as a family and we can see them for a drink tomorrow night before we have dinner. I texted that on our WhatsApp group with her DH. If she arranges something with my DH privately, then I know something is definitely up and I will be pulling this us in front of all of them

We will need an update then

VintageJewellery · 07/08/2025 20:57

This is way too exciting. It's going to be one of those threads that runs for days.

VintageJewellery · 07/08/2025 20:58

Do you think it would help calm down your DHs enthusiasm if he knew his flirtation was being live-streamed?

Rainbowqueeen · 07/08/2025 20:58

Good update op. I hope you are able to have a discussion with dh about how this is your holiday too and that you do not expect to be an afterthought. The 2 of you should be making your holiday plans together and inviting other people to join as and when you both agree.

Id also point out that the DC are asking questions. He needs to be aware that this is not ok and will affect his relationships with the DC as well as you. They are watching and need to see him putting you, his wife, first

Foolsgold74 · 07/08/2025 20:59

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 07/08/2025 19:18

Speak to him and say you want a day where you do things as a couple or family and say you didn’t come on holiday to spend the time alone. Going for a run is ok but the rest of the time he shouldn’t leave you by yourself. He’s clearly babysitting her cos her husband is too busy working. Say the kids noticed it too. He’s not going to question them. It’s a family hol and she’s being as rude as hell. Sounds like your hubby is loving the attention and is stupid but she really is at it with the dressing up etc.

Show quote history

And this right here is why men get such an easy ride and women are scorched. Poor silly little man being led astray by the wicked husband-stealing temptress. What a load of bullshit. He's not a little innocent lamb being led astray.

Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair · 07/08/2025 20:59

Kate also sounds like she would do this to all her friends husbands and doesn't give a flying fuck if it pisses her friends off. Probably gets a kick out of it.

MyLittleNest · 07/08/2025 21:00

Agree. Kate is clearly loving the attention since her husband isn't giving her any.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 07/08/2025 21:01

I’d be livid in this situation but I would also make it plain to my husband and so-called friend that
none of this is acceptable behaviour.

Foolsgold74 · 07/08/2025 21:03

Charlize43 · 07/08/2025 19:49

I'm not sure if this is of any use too you but the Spanish for whre is puta and zorra is bt ch (pronounced thorror is in horror but with a th).

I knew my Spanish GCSE would come in useful one day!

Why would it be of use?

Original poster
SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 21:09

DogPawsMudFur · 07/08/2025 19:55

I know this isn’t the point but I’d love to know where you are that you have villas on the beach, hotel facilities and access to watersports and walking distance to shops. It sounds like my ideal holiday apart from the awful DH and Kate situation.
Could you PM me if you don’t want to share?
As for those two, I’d be laying down the law for DH and if he doesn’t get how rude he is then I’d be making exit plans.

This place is amazing if you are into water sports. Massive amounts of windsurfing, E-foiling, but a lot of paddle boarding and kayaking. The beach is pretty much just designated to that and run clubs for children all ages to learn the water sports

OP posts:
SaratogaFilly · 07/08/2025 21:11

MyLittleNest · 07/08/2025 21:00

Agree. Kate is clearly loving the attention since her husband isn't giving her any.

Good point!

Mancity08 · 07/08/2025 21:11

Not acceptable, I’ve have blown by now 3-4 days together dh & Kate.
Id have made it clear to dh that this is a holiday for you all not for him to piss off with Kate everyday , not just once but 3 times
id be saying , have you come on this holiday with Kate or me, because from where I am it’s not looking like that.
tell him you will no longer tolerate him fucking off with Kate going here and there.
He knew about your leg so you find something to do together to accommodate that and she knew her dh would be working so she fucks off doing things in her own not turning to someone else’s dh.
what decent woman does this with someone else’s dh, once maybe
You need this talk with dh ASAP

IThoughtIdHeardItAll · 07/08/2025 21:13

He might have a bit of a crush her, but he's acting like a dick, an insensitive one at that. She's your mate and should be more sensitive to your feelings (as should he of course). I'd be a bit concerned tbh. Deffo no more just them outings. It's a FAMILY holiday for heaven's sake. Go with them on anything 'they' organise and see how it goes. x

junebirthdaygirl · 07/08/2025 21:19

I would be mortified to be off with with my friends husband while his wife sat on her own unless it was a quick game of tennis where she was happy to sit and read her book. I know your dh is responsible for his actions but this Kate is no friend of yours so drop her when you get home as she is so inconsiderate.
Hopefully you will have a nice day tomorrow

mcmooberry · 07/08/2025 21:21

I am so angry about the pair of them reading this! Seething! I would blow a gasket, literally probably spoil everyone's holiday by letting them know what I thought of them. I hope you actually can have a day to yourselves tomorrow. Neil working hasn't helped matters either.

hypnovic · 07/08/2025 21:22

Well when this kinda story happend to my friend they were shagging. Good luck

Zonder · 07/08/2025 21:23

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 20:45

I’m not being passive, as many of you mentioned, I’m asking for advice because I wasn’t sure how to feel about the situation. And from the comments, my DH is shit and my friend is more shit.
My DH and DC just got back from dinner with the other friends. I texted Kate saying that we enjoyed spending time with them but we want to spend tomorrow as a family and we can see them for a drink tomorrow night before we have dinner. I texted that on our WhatsApp group with her DH. If she arranges something with my DH privately, then I know something is definitely up and I will be pulling this us in front of all of them

Has anyone replied to you? What did your DH say?

workingitout1234 · 07/08/2025 21:26

Ugh I’ve met women like this before. It’s very easy for her to advertise herself as this perfect woman on holiday. And she’s taking full advantage.

Bungybungy · 07/08/2025 21:28

MyLittleNest · 07/08/2025 20:50

Sounds like your husband has a big crush on Kate. His behavior is like a puppy dog, completely pathetic.

As for Kate, her husband is MIA and she is probably happy for the company. Hard to tell if her behavior is innocent or not, but the real issue is with your DH.

Oh, Kate knows EXACTLY what’s she’s doing.

gingercat02 · 07/08/2025 21:30

Yep shagging, sorry OP

DyslexicPoster · 07/08/2025 21:31

That's so shit. He should at the very least take on board how it's making you feel. Not getting defensive. How would he like it if it was you off with Neil?