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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 07/08/2025 19:52

Sending love. This is like the scenes in White Lotus. I feel so bad for you. Wake up Neil!

spoonbillstretford · 07/08/2025 19:53

It does sound like a novel.

sellotapechicken · 07/08/2025 19:54

You are so not unreasonable

DogPawsMudFur · 07/08/2025 19:55

I know this isn’t the point but I’d love to know where you are that you have villas on the beach, hotel facilities and access to watersports and walking distance to shops. It sounds like my ideal holiday apart from the awful DH and Kate situation.
Could you PM me if you don’t want to share?
As for those two, I’d be laying down the law for DH and if he doesn’t get how rude he is then I’d be making exit plans.

DogPawsMudFur · 07/08/2025 19:55

<duplicate>

Mumofnarnia · 07/08/2025 19:56

I wonder if Kate is telling Neil that she’s going to all these places/ sports with op or op and her DH. And maybe that’s why Neil seems to be out of the picture and possibly oblivious as to what’s going on. Kate may have even told Neil that op invited her to their villa at night for a drink, unbeknown to him that she’d decided to go there all of her own accord.

DonnaDonna0 · 07/08/2025 19:57

I would not be putting up with this, kids there or not.
It would not be you spoiling the holiday it’s your husband and Kate. Do not be a doormat please.

namechangeGOT · 07/08/2025 19:58

Kate would be finding out exactly what I thought about her. It’s not you that would be upsetting your children’s holiday. If you must, tell your husband that if he doesn’t wind things back, you’ll be telling Kate a few things, in front of everyone, including Neil. Go fucking nuclear. Not necessarily because they’re planning on shagging but because of the absolute disrespect of planning it all right under the noses of you and your kids. Arseholes.

Scottishskifun · 07/08/2025 19:58

It sounds like Kate is latching on because her Husband is working and therefore giving your DH a lot of attention. Your "D"H like an idiot is lapping it up and enjoying it hence not spending time.

Either way it's shitty behaviour from them both. Call your H out on it and simply ask why is he acting like a love struck teenager around her and if he wishes to behave that way then it's a case of becoming single first.

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 07/08/2025 19:59

I would be fucking furious if my OH booked an activity with anyone else while we were on holiday as a family without checking whether I wanted to do it as well! Same with the walk into town, he basically is admitting he doesn’t want you to come by not asking - wtf? My OH would never ever do thins and he’s a pretty piss poor partner! He’s obviously enjoying her company and honestly that would be enough for me to lose my shit even if there’s no affair etc. It’s a family holiday and he should want some alone time with you not your mate! She’s no friend for not asking you either, get rid of them both. And I’m sorry if must really hurt.

AlertCat · 07/08/2025 20:01

Mumofnarnia · 07/08/2025 19:56

I wonder if Kate is telling Neil that she’s going to all these places/ sports with op or op and her DH. And maybe that’s why Neil seems to be out of the picture and possibly oblivious as to what’s going on. Kate may have even told Neil that op invited her to their villa at night for a drink, unbeknown to him that she’d decided to go there all of her own accord.

That bit is really odd, Kate would have known OP would be there (and all the kids) so why would she do that?

Original poster
SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 20:01

Thank you all for your support. I decided to stay in the villa and let my DH and DC go out for a dinner with our friends. In the evenings, it’s a very different dynamics because ‘Neil’ is there too. It should really ground them. Someone asked if Neil is shaggable? I said to Neil ‘I’m very hot’ Neil said ‘ you look very hot’. Me: thank you. Neil: you are very red😂. That’s the kind of relationship I expect from the other spouse

OP posts:
BBQBertha · 07/08/2025 20:02

Where is Neil in all this, OP? Isn’t he wondering where his wife is? What she’s up to? Why she’s going out all dressed up at 11pm to your apartment? Doesn’t he have a spine?! Is he happy with his wife being like this? I’d be chatting with him if I were you!

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 07/08/2025 20:02

I'm furious for you OP. You've had some good advice already and you need to tell your H to have some fucking respect for you and your marriage.

Mumofnarnia · 07/08/2025 20:07

AlertCat · 07/08/2025 20:01

That bit is really odd, Kate would have known OP would be there (and all the kids) so why would she do that?

Show quote history

Well I have heard of a few occasions where someone’s DH has been shagging another woman downstairs while the wife was in bed asleep. Maybe she thought if she stayed long enough then this may happen. Or maybe she thought she’d just get dressed up in the shortest dress she could possibly find so that she could give op’s DH an eyeful. Unfortunately it didn’t quite turn out as she has planned. You don’t get dressed up to the nines wearing an extremely short dress to go watch movies with the kids.

BBQBertha · 07/08/2025 20:08

Oh OP! You didn’t go for dinner? That’s so sad. I’d be tempted to hot foot it down there now and see what they’re all getting up to. I imagine Neil will have disappeared to work and friend and DH will be looking like they’re a couple!

MyLimeGuide · 07/08/2025 20:08

Ride out the rest of your holiday with your head held high. Lay the smack down when you get back.👊

Iamnotalemming · 07/08/2025 20:09

"Neil" in my head is Neil Morrissey in his Men Behaving Badly era. I think that makes @SunnyBlueSeal's DH Martin Clunes.🤔

MrsLizzieDarcy · 07/08/2025 20:09

I don't think I could have sat through a dinner with them either.

HAL200 · 07/08/2025 20:12

It is a shame for your kids you didnt go to dinner with them all, I bet they would have wanted you there

ZenGarden89 · 07/08/2025 20:12

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 20:01

Thank you all for your support. I decided to stay in the villa and let my DH and DC go out for a dinner with our friends. In the evenings, it’s a very different dynamics because ‘Neil’ is there too. It should really ground them. Someone asked if Neil is shaggable? I said to Neil ‘I’m very hot’ Neil said ‘ you look very hot’. Me: thank you. Neil: you are very red😂. That’s the kind of relationship I expect from the other spouse

Are you sure they’re not swingers and Kate is getting things off the ground?

JMSA · 07/08/2025 20:14

Listen to your gut instinct. It will serve you well.

Mumofnarnia · 07/08/2025 20:14

HAL200 · 07/08/2025 20:12

It is a shame for your kids you didnt go to dinner with them all, I bet they would have wanted you there

Would have cramped Kate’s style if she did! I would have gone and made a point of making Kate feel very uncomfortable lol

Whatado · 07/08/2025 20:15

@SunnyBlueSeal Tomorrow night plan dinner with your kids separately. Organise it in the morning. No discussion, not asking telling them.

And honestly I wouldn't be able to let it lie with my DH. I would be telling him his behaviour has fundamentally changed how I view our relationship and my plan is to make it through as drama free as possible with the kids but when we got home I would be considering my next steps.

Then I would shut him down and tell him to save his attempts manipulation until we got home to protect the kids holiday.

PrincessScarlett · 07/08/2025 20:15

Why do you have to have meals together all of the time? Why can't you, DH and your kids have dinner by yourselves? Please stop being so passive OP.