On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

[SunnyBlueSeal]

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

Nah she turned up at their villa on her own accord… late at night… all dressed up with the dress only just covering her arse. And sat and watched a movie with op’s kids.

OP I’m really sorry. This is completely out of order. Red flags 🚩 galore. I wouldn’t be too sure they aren’t at it. Is there any way they been carrying on at home which is why Kate invited you?
Regardless who turns up in that kind of garb to watch a movie 🍿?
To make it worse, even if they aren’t it’s clear they likely want to. Beyond disrespectful that when you raised it DH reacted angry. That tells you all you need to know. People only do that when there’s some truth in it.
Why suffer this for a few more days? Play Kate at her own game and tell her you’ve had my husband all week but enough, going to do our own thing for few days. Say it in front of her DH. Exposure the best way to kill it.
The friendship is over so don’t care what she thinks. Take nothing to do with her when you get back. As for your DH it’s out of your control what he does (good test to create distance to see if he tries to gaslight you for being ‘ridiculous’ 🙄) but how you react is in your power. Time to take that back.

I will not see her after this holiday. She is one of those people who calls everyone’ my darling’ and ‘my lovely’ but actually doesn’t give a shit about anyone. I think she asked us to come for a holiday because her DC and my DC are good friends and it’s not because she enjoys my company😂

She really only needs to have the first conversation - her DH should be wanting to spend time with his wife and family on holiday. I’d be bloody furious (and deeply hurt) if I was left to go to breakfast and lunch on my own - he should be considering his wife and looking out for her.

It’s for the friend to sort her own husband out, and if I needed to tell the friend to back off? She’d no longer be a friend. What an utter shit show of a holiday.

I would be upset by this behaviour too! It's your holiday also.I feel it's unfair for them to think that it's ok to enjoy the holiday together as they please. I think it's flirting, it's not on. I would feel upset, but would not want them to know just yet! Revenge is best served cold! Try to be brave, enjoy your holiday, swim,go out for entertainment,do some flirting.You will feel so much better for taking care of your needs! This friend is not behaving like a real friend either.When the holiday is over, I would be having serious words with my partner.This could be a warning that he is really not for you & your future together? In that respect,better you know now! I hope I am wrong? but trust your instincts!

Well clearly not, she does seem to like your husband though.

I think she asked you to come on holiday not because of yours and her DC. But because she’s had eyes on your DH. I’d block her number now while you are still on holiday. See what her reaction is to that. Then tell your DH that from now on he’s to leave her well along and if he continues to see her then you’ll be seeing a solicitor on your return home.

You are taking it well!!! I know the sort, literally the worst sort.... I hope you get to enjoy a little bit of your holiday!

I think she asked you all along on the holiday so that she could spend time with your disgusting husband

YA definitely NBU
But I wonder if everything is a bit amplified because of your injury
it might be worth cracking a joke with Neil eg “those two are pretty busy aren’t they?” If you can get him alone, to see what his reaction is

ultimately though I’d probably try and see through the rest of the holiday, have a serious word with DH when home and definitely not go anywhere with Kate and DH ever again
if the kids are friendly I’d probably try and be purely functional but no reason for her and dh to cross paths again. Regardless of her though, a word is needed with DH. Don’t bother confronting her.

I feel for her kids. Dad is working all the time and their mum is acting like this with their friends dad. They've probably looked forward to the holiday for ages as well

I would be asking Dh if he still plans on being married after the holiday and to bloody rein it in right this minute.

This is all kinds of weird. No way would my DP do anything with another woman without running it by me first. He even asks if I mind if the neighbourhood widow needs help with something.

Same with friends. Can’t think of a single time when a friend wouldn’t run something past me first. It’s just so odd. And clearly the kids will have noticed because they’re not stupid. Sounds like a Jilly Cooper novel.

I would’ve told both no and then gone down there and tried to spot them from afar to see how they were interacting and if all was innocent and you were spotted play it off with a casual “oh I changed my mind and thought I’d pop down”

Oh, is your husband a bit caught up in her orbit and it’s convenient for her to co opt him as her stand-in dh while hers is busy. Is she the star of the show type and you are just quite convenient for her? Maybe your husband is being used?

Definitely not being unreasonable.

I would be having a conversation with husband tonight - I notice that you are spending an inordinate amount of time with Kate. Why is that?

Whatever he responds with, tell him that you are uncomfortable with their level of involvement and if it continues then he is risking your marriage.

I hope he's just being thoughtless and stupid, but for me that would be enough to start thinking about whether the relationship was working and salvageable.

Whether you decide to leave your husband or not you still have to SPELL IT OUT TO HIM that this behaviour is disrespectful and unacceptable. The fact that you have to do so is wild. I’m so sorry that you’re having a completely shit holiday.

Sounds to me like an affair has already started or if not then it’s about to. Your husband is a disrespectful twat and Kate is a complete bitch. For your teenage daughter to notice and comment on it is just awful.

Given that you’re obviously not going to talk to Kate again I’d be making sure that you have completely separate holidays for the remaining days and then decide what you want to do when you get home.

The way it’s all been orchestrated makes it sound like it’s being going on a while. When did you damage your ligament and when was the holiday booked?

This is terrible. I think you need to ban the woman and her family from seeing your family for the rest of your holiday. Your DH sounds as though he's got his head turned and he will be embarassed when he realises.

Is her husband joining anyone for anything at all?

I mean he could have the 5hrs work done before lunch!

Why are your kids begging you to be nice to daddy? He's treating you like shit. Surely they can see that's why you're grumpy. I'd be worried your DH and Kate have been telling the kids all sorts about you being moody and ruining their holiday.

You shouldn't have to, but glue yourself to your husbands hip or get your most annoying child to 😂.

She is lapping up his attention, that he should be giving you. Most likely feeling ignored by her husband. She should be the one hanging around by herself or with her kids on the beach. What an absolute cheek.

You need to firmly wedge something in the way of this, she is renting your husband free of charge from you.
What an utter bitch!

Am I just too cynical? Because if they’ve not slept together already they will by the end of your trip. This is crazy behaviour and it’s also really obvious, I understand how you don’t and can’t believe it, but it’s right in front of you. You need to speak to him if not go home!.

I'm not sure if this is of any use too you but the Spanish for whre is puta and zorra is bt ch (pronounced thorror is in horror but with a th).

I knew my Spanish GCSE would come in useful one day!

Yes, literally just got that far in the thread! I take back what i said!!