On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

[SunnyBlueSeal]

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

I would take your husband aside and tell him it stops now or you might not be able to contain yourself. Drop Kate once home, she is not a friend.

^This

Kate is not your friend. She has commandeered your husband like a taxi during rush hour and shoved you out the way. She doesn't care about you. Her husband is busy working, so she is taking yours.

I think it is very telling what while he was changing his top she barged in and started laying plans about a shop she wanted to show him. She ain't stupid. She's playing you and your husband for her own convenience. Little miss manipulation calling the shots.

Once her husband has stopped working, I bet she'll drop both of you. We all know and have met her type before. What Lola Kate wants, Kate gets.

I’m pretty sure op said that Kate’s DH is only working 5 hours per day so where is he the rest of the time I wonder. And where was he when Kate decided to turn up at op’s villa late at night all dressed up. What I don’t understand is Kate’s DH seems to be pretty much out of the picture, as if he doesn’t exist. Maybe Kate and op’s DH are excluding him too. I doubt he’d be working every hour of the holiday.

Oh God I am raging reading this. How bloody dare they. The fact that he got angry when you brought it up means he feels guilty. He wasn't angry he was defensive.

Is Neil even actually working or is it an excuse because he cannot cope with his wife's behaviour??

Tell DH clearly and firmly that tomorrow is a couple day, you are fed up of being excluded.

Could you say@SunnyBlueSeal? as@Waterbortle brilliantly suggested

""Its a pain that I'm not able to do all the things I'd usually do on holiday and am not getting much time with DH. I'd like to plan something for the two of us tommorrow"

You really need to lay it on the line with him asap op.
He's the one that needs to change his ways, he's the one that made a commitment to you. This needs spelling out to him (well it shouldn't have to but it looks like you have to), tell him much his behaviour is affecting you.
She's definitely not a friend op. I'd never be speaking to her again once the holiday is over, I get that it doesn't solve the problem now though, sorry. Sending hugs as this really is the shittest of situations .

Tbh in your shoes I’d be reassessing if I wanted to stay married to the selfish prick …he’s not being considerate …

AND also mention that the kids have noticed and that Kate turned up at OP's and her DH's villa at 11pm to join the kids watching a film whilst wearing a dress "that barely covered her bottom".

For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC.

And what was your husband's (& kids?) thoughts on that?

Why weren't they asking where you were & would she please contact you to tell them where you all were?

This is an extremely cruel thing to do, how dare she! Your gut is never wrong OP, if they're not already having an affair, ' Kate' has most definitely set her sights on your Husband.

This needs to end now, today. Set your DH straight and have a word in ' Kate's' ear. She doesn't like you and is planning on having a go at your Husband, you have nothing to lose by putting your foot down.

'Didn't check her messages' my arse! She totally did that on purpose.

Ok this is thoughtless at best. You need a word with your husband asap :(

You need three conversations:
With DH: you keep leaving me on my own on our holiday, and as if that's not bad enough you are doing it to spend time with another woman. It's not ok and it stops now.
With Kate: you are treating my husband as though he's yours, stop booking activities with him and monopolising his time, spend time with your own husband or with all of us together.
With Neil: your wife needs you to stop working all the time on holiday and spend time with her. She's been treating my husband as if she's married to him and it stops now, so she's going to be lonely unless you stop being shit.
Then see what happens. If nothing changes, I honestly would divorce him.

For what it's worth, I think her taking the kids out to lunch with your DH is worse than the couple stuff, she's treating them like a blended family and pushing you out of the picture.

It’s odd for Neil to not take time off to go on holiday. Surely if he had to work, he could get up and do a few hours early and then later at night. I wonder how his marriage to Kate is if he works on holiday. It sounds like Kate has latched onto your husband and is wanting his attention. There’s no reason you couldn’t have gone to lunch or into town with them. Both your DH and Kate are being really selfish and it sounds a bit like it could veer into affair territory. Even if you can’t do the activities, your DH should be checking in and they both should be ensuring they’re including you not leaving you on your own.

Ooh, I like this idea - it's clever. 😉

Sounds like a lot of this is driven by Kate and DH is lapping up the attention.

Ask them "this may be an awkward question, but why the fuck are you two being so pally and leaving me out of everything, because its gone beyond pissing me off now "

Either that, or id pointedly book in somewhere else , or a flight home, and leave without saying

I suspect she was able to preview the messages but not opened them so that it would appear that she hadn’t seen them. But I also don’t believe she didn’t check her messages. She’s done that on purpose so she didn’t have to tell op they were all at lunch until they were already there and probably already eaten! What a bitch!

Speak to him and say you want a day where you do things as a couple or family and say you didn’t come on holiday to spend the time alone. Going for a run is ok but the rest of the time he shouldn’t leave you by yourself. He’s clearly babysitting her cos her husband is too busy working. Say the kids noticed it too. He’s not going to question them. It’s a family hol and she’s being as rude as hell. Sounds like your hubby is loving the attention and is stupid but she really is at it with the dressing up etc.

That’s really awful! She seems to be deliberately freezing you out of your own family! If you message someone in that situation you check for their reply! Raging on your behalf op.

Ok, now I hate her!! I hate her soooo much how dare she!! Your poor kids

7am run, 10am paddleboard. Nah, they were boning.

You need to take control of the situation and only have two choices left to you to salvage your holiday.

(a) Book an excursion/activity for you, DH and DC that excludes Kate and her family. Something like an overnight break to explore another town. Create distance between Kate and your DH and keep booking things away from her.

(b) Hit the Sangria hard, head down to the beach and party. Spanish people love to party. Macarena all around. F*ck Kate and your DH!

If Neil is only working 5 hours a day then surely he is wanting to spend quality holiday time with his own wife and kids?
What is his stance on all this or is he totally oblivious?
For the rest of the holiday, lay down the law to your own family and say that you want to make fabulous memories by doing activities together. Kate can make her own memories with her family. And going forwards, always ‘miss’ her messages or calls.

Bet she enjoyed that meal all together, a taste of a blended family. And in those moments, men can suddenly think ooh yeah, this is good!
Get your ducks in a row 🌷

Haven’t read the whole thread but I’m a couple of pages in. The text from Kate asking if you are coming to the beach…makes me wonder if she’s getting a bit sick of your clingy husband and might want her friend there.

Especially since he has also text asking if you are going back. To me that feels like his text is hoping you don’t and hers is a bit of a help me so I’m not left alone with him!

I wouldn’t automatically think Kate is to blame in any of this, it may have started out quite innocently on her part and now she can’t get rid of your husband.