Friend blocked me over money

[ByCraftyPinkMentor]

Morning All,

I have popped on whatsapp to check in on a friend to find out I have been blocked and also blocked on all social media.

Husband and I have worked for many years on our business which is now in a really good place money wise.

I recently received some unexpected inheritance money. We have three older kids and it wasn't a mega life changing amount but also quite a bit.

Our kids have been really good while we were building the business etc and whist they had basic stuff and driving lessons etc we didn't go on holiday for the last 7 years or so. I know people go without for longer. Anyway...I spoke to my husband and decided that I wanted to take us on four holidays with it, to places each individual kid has expressed a desire to go to and also one for just the two of us. Then I wanted to put another bit away for each of them to have as like a rental deposit or a nicer car as they get older or whatever.

We have done two of them and the other two are booked. I shared this with a few close friends and my surprise for the kids.

In the middle of this a close friend told me she was having issues and was short a grand for some house renovations. I gave it to her as a gift.

Since then she has been having more and more issues and not asking me directly but hinting at me lending her more money.

We were chatting last week and I said we were off on the third one, since then she has been sending me messages about how it must be nice not to let your kids down, how she can't rely on anyone for help with money etc.

I have been supportive but she keeps telling me about her bills in every conversation.

All my inheritance money is accounted for in the kids bank accounts and been paid into these holidays (She doesn't know how much I got). So I think she thinks I have loads spare.

Last conversation we had I said I would love to help but I don't have anything spare now, it's all spent. Now she has blocked me.

She’s no friend so you’re well rid of her.
i think what you’re doing with the money sounds lovely.

She’s not a friend. She’s shown her true colours and I’d be blocking her back so she could never get in touch again

I've said this before, but a friend of mine lent me well over that to put down a deposit on a flat and pay the first bit of rent. (I'd been living in HMOs and it was miserable.) Then I paid her back a bit every month. When I got the deposit back I asked for her bank details so I could send it back as a bank transfer rather than via PayPal, and then paid off the rest monthly until it had all been paid off. Because she'd been such a good friend I wouldn't have dreamt of not paying her back! The flat was a godsend because I found out I was pregnant about a week after I moved in, my GP's surgery was a ten minute walk and the hospital was about 15 in the opposite direction, so very handy for all my appointments!

I meant to add that i agree with all the PPs saying to keep knowledge of any wealth to yourself if at all possible. If people think you've got "spare money" some of them think you should be sharing it out and it can really poison and imbalance friendships and aquaintanceships.

I'm fairly well off but live modestly on the surface - drive an old car (it does the job for what I need), live in a semi, take a packed lunch to work etc. Most people would be astonished to find how much I've got in the bank/pension and house and cars are all paid off etc.

She expected you to keep giving her money, she kept hinting but as soon as she knew she wouldn’t get another penny she dropped you. Once you tell people you have had an inheritance or windfall people get resentment.

First post nails it.

You gifted her money, that was more than enough.

My best friend inherited. Like you, they work hard & have a lovely family. Went years without holidays. I’m delighted to see them treating their kids, who are now teens. It’s great for them.

However, our other friend, who also inherited early (her parents are still alive) & bought a house etc…is obsessed with my best friend & her financial situation. Talks about it all the time!

She is a horrible user.

You haven't had a holiday in 7 years while she has gone every year. If I was her I would be delighted for you and saying/thinking "finally it's your time to enjoy life, you deserve it." I might feel a twinge of envy but it would inspire me to work harder at creating my own wealth.

You are very generous. You gave her a thousand pounds. She is disgustingly ungracious to hint at more.

She doesn't deserve you as a friend.

She sees your money as HER money, and her needs are more important than yours. Let her take her pity party somewhere else, she's took the trash out for you, she's no friend but will probably pop back into your life when she needs a favour

Sounds like you had a lucky escape there (although lost a grand). I’m sure she’ll be back in touch when she wants something. Just make sure you don’t respond!!!!

It’s a sorry state if you can’t chat about your holidays to a friend for fear of them having a strop.

Why tell everyone your business? You shouldn’t share things like with friends of course it’s going to cause resentment.

Are you sure the money is going to these alleged renovations? It’s weird (to say the least) to go on holidays while also being short on money for presumably essential work around the house.

Regardless, it’s not your problem. She seems to be on CF territory.

This

And she has the audacity to block you. How ungrateful. She showed her true colours.

So it's ok for friend take £1000 from op and then block her because op shared this with friends?

She is having problems with the fact that you have more money than she has. She may also be ashamed that you gifted her the £1,000. It is called resentment. I had a friend from uni who was a perfectly normal girl and we had some good times. She married up and became a stuck up housewife. We did not mix in her circles and I always felt she was doing me a favour when we were invited for a cup of tea. I dropped her in the end as she was like an uncomfortable pair of shoes. No loss on my part. Perhaps your friend has had a change of heart about your friendship and wants to go it without you.

Probably

But I would want to be sure. I would want to know that there wasn't something else going on before drawing that line

She sounds a total See You Next Tuesday.

You GAVE her a thousand quid and she has the cheeky fuckery to act the wounded soldier and block you??? If a friend gifted me money like this I'd be forever grateful.

I'n your shoes I'd now be livid.
I'd also ask for the thousand back, knowing it wouldn't be forthcoming, but jeysus tonight, the CHEEK of this woman.

What would she say about the situation?

Playing devil's advocate, she may be telling you about financial worries and you're on about expensive holidays and she got pissed off with you about that rather than trying to hint about money.

Either way, you've been lovely and generous to her, and even if you were being a bit tone deaf, the fact you were close enough to give her a grand and for her to accept means she should have directly told you rather than just block you.

Not saying that is the case at all, but, to me, that would make more sense than her blocking you because you haven't picked up on hints about money.

I wouldn't chase up the friendship at all.

Why on earth does this woman feel like she has any entitlement to YOUR inheritance? She is the very definition of a CF.

When I first moved here, when DS started school 15 years ago I made a small bunch of friend. I was on my own. Rented accommodation, working, not earning much at all, no help from ds dad, or (crappy) family

I struggled. It was really tough.

then almost 10 years ago I met my OH. The change in my life was night and day.

certain friends were crazy jealous and drifted, made odd comments etc.

it used to really piss me off. Super disappointing and hurtful. especially as they know what I went through.

Ffs, if I saw any of my mates, having endured and escaped from an awful abusive relationship, having lost her family too because they are bat shit crazy have a change of luck/fortune I’d be the biggest cheerleader!

how anyone could resent my happiness is beyond me. Ffs I paid so much in pain and suffering, it was only right that karma balanced things up a bit.

there are however a couple of very dear friends who treat me the same as they always did. There are others cheering for my happiness and they mean the world to me.

I have not changed. I’m the same me, but just not laying awake in fear of an unexpected bill, or feeling sick every time I get a brown envelope through the door.

I wouldn’t want a living soul to have walked in my shoes. Not even an enemy.

Read the thread, she’s explained it about 5 times 🙄

Probably worth it if the 'friend' stays out of your life forever with her begging bowl.

It doesn't say that the friend overtly asked in the last conversation

It just says that the OP said sorry, can't give you money

There could be a whole other side

The OP asks "how are you"
Friend "not good, ... expands on money troubles, as that's what's central to their life right now, and a friend asked ..
OP "sorry can't give you money"

Did the friend overtly ask that time?

Is the friend maybe hurt that they can't complain about the biggest thing going on in their life without the OP making them out to be beggars?

Is it definitely definitely not worth one more conversation to check if the OPs ASSUMPTIONS about why they are blocked, is the real reason why they are blocked?