To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

[Bearlionfalcon]

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

Presumably the older person would know it’s polite to consider other people? Although, obviously not in this case.

YANBU, but I wouldn't expect a particularly quiet working environment in a cafe and would have noise cancelling headphones myself playing gentle music to allow me to get on with work.

I try first of all in a non-confrontational way "Excuse me - I don't think your headphones are properly connected."

Amused at all the people saying “go to the library”. Libraries are very much a public space and no one gets “hushed” anymore. The entitled Tik Tok watchers are there, too!

OP sit at the table beside her, and put on a YouTube video with a title like “One Hour Of Scream Sound Effects”

It’s relevant as they inferred she approached them due to their age. It’s in the opening post ffs.

Playing videos or music in public with no headphones is just rude. You did nothing wrong in asking her to use them.

Yes we can all hear it cause you aren't wearing headphones!

If you're sitting next to someone on the train you can still hear tinny headphone noise too. Easier to get away from though.

Oh my god yes.

I went to do some writing in a local library earlier this year, forgetting it was peak revision time and the school holidays and it was full of teenagers "revising". Socialising/chatting/occasionally doing a bit of work.

I mean fair play to them, it was quite a fun atmosphere, and they weren't running round or messing about, and it reminded me of being that age, but it was quite the hubbub and I was glad of my headphones.

It’s deliberate, because even when it’s pointed out that they are mistaken, or haven’t read the information from the OP properly, they still carry on.
Mumsnet should stop allowing name changes, other sites don’t do it and you don’t get this trolling and intentional derailing.

1. Speak to the staff. They clearly aren't "best friends" so who cares what impression Hyacinth tries to give.
2. If that doesn't work, play some heavy metal from your laptop to drown out TikTok.
3. If that doesn't work, find another cafe and tell the staff why.

If (and only if!) you were feeling petty and vengeful, you could sit round her table with friends and scroll through your phone and talk loudly, shout with laughter too...

Why is the point? it's so boring

Ignore the laptop haters and those who think that people chatting is exactly the same as people scrolling TikTok

Working quietly on a laptop is entirely acceptable and actually encouraged by a lot of cafés. I'd talk to the staff. I think others are right and this couple are not nearly as friendly with them as they think – they sound patronising and oblivious.

Oh, and it was perfectly clear why you mentioned her age, too; some people need to sort out their reading and comprehension skills.

It was a full marching band of bagpipes and drums playing Scotland the Brave or similar.

Whilst I don’t expect peace and quiet in cafes or on public transport, general conversation is very different to antisocial noise of any type.

Id be tempted to sit very near them and play loud videos of people complaining about others playing loud videos in public without headphones and exactly why it makes them complete oblivious selfish arseholes. The irony would be beautiful!

You are not being unreasonable at all. I’m flabbergasted by some people at the moment . We were on a plane last week and I had to ask a grown man to please wear headphones or turn down the sound on his Nitendo switch game he was playing as it was ridiculously loud. He seemed genuinely shocked I spoke to him about it. It’s just so antisocial. I make my kids wear headphones on the plane as I’m well aware no one wants to listen to Bluey for a 4 hour journey. She was a complete knob. Also she’s out with her husband and watching Tik Tok videos?! The world has gone mad

^^
This. I disagree with most of the other posters here saying she was rude.

She is in a public place and making no more noise than a group of mothers, talking loudly that had children most likely would.

If you don't like the noise then YOU wear headphones. Or go somewhere to work where you can guarantee quietness.

There are twats like this everywhere ime but imho that’s the chance you take when you decide to do work in a cafe. I’d have spoken to the staff and if that didn’t work just don’t ever go there again. Maybe your tapping on your keyboard annoys other people in the cafe.

DH is obsessed with TikTok, and he's 65 Drives me absolutely mad as every so often something really loud comes on and it makes me jump out of my skin.

I honestly think that people just exist in their own heads these days, and have no concept of what their noise/behaviour inflicts onto others. I've had a NDN with a whining screaming overtired child out in the garden since 8.30am - I'm off work with a nasty upper respiratory infection and I was ready to scream out the window after an hour of listening to it.

So you wouldn’t mind someone sitting in a cafe loudly listening to Spotify on their phone? Or watching a movie on their laptop at full volume, what if they had Bluetooth speakers and really ramped the volume up? Is that still acceptable background noise?

It has never been socially acceptable to listen to music/videos loudly on any sort of device, it could be a radio, a phone, laptop etc. It’s anti-social and completely different from normal noise that people make.

But if it wasn’t them making an intrusive noise in the cafe the chances are it would be someone or something else, someone deaf speaking loudly, someone who hums ( you know who you are) someone drilling the pavement, a child crying, a noisy coffee machine etc etc you can’t put headphones on them to stop them being loud and disturbing you , so really it is up to you to see it as your problem and work out a way to mitigate it because the only way you have control of that particular work environment is by your own efforts.

And I agree with you, grrrr to the people who think they have to shout to get their phone to work, or people who put their phone on loudspeaker in a bus, it’s really annoying and anti social but until it becomes socially frowned on like smoking or spitting we are stuck with the noisy annoying buggers !

Not sure really. It’s not as if it’s a library. Presumably the owners would tell her if they wanted to

She spends more than that and doesn't appear to be blocking custom

Baby Boomer with a booming phone ! It sounds like they are pretty selfish/ unaware couple but I don't really think in a cafe you can dictate noise of others. Just get noise cancelling headphones. You could even get a Spotify playlist with ambient chatter to help you work.

It's a café that you choose to work in.