To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

[Bearlionfalcon]

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

But treating a cafe like your own living room and scrolling loudly through TikTok IS reasonable!?

NOBODY is complaining about people chatting and socialising.

How does blasting out a hundred TikTok videos in a row constitute “chatting and socialising”??

People (of any age, race, gender, etc) who listen to their devices without headphones in public are antisocial arseholes. That includes social media reels, music, YouTube, streaming videos, conversations on speakerphone. It is entirely different to people having normal face to face conversations or kids playing or even having a conversation on the phone that isn’t being broadcast.

Have some basic common courtesy for the public space and other people and just wear headphones!! It’s very selfish.

If I can’t move or feel a confrontation would get nasty, sometimes I have simply copied them. I turn my phone volume up to drown them out. It usually makes the point nicely and they don’t like it.

Wait and see what happens tomorrow. People can go on the defensive when they’re put on the spot, but you could find that she’s not quite so keen to play her videos out loud tomorrow, or decides to go to a different coffee shop. Or that she’s back and doubles down, of course.

Never judge a row by what’s said in the heat of the moment. Sometimes we think we’re 110% right until we cool down enough to think rationally, or we’re indignantly regaling a loved one with our story and realising they’ve got that “well, actually” look. What happened today was only part one. I know it’s easy to say don’t overthink it (and rich coming from someone whose enjoying your thread enough to comment) but at least try not to stress about it.

A cafe is a public sociable space. If she wants to chat that is up to her. If you want quiet, go home or to a library, or use your own headphones.

In the end, it will be up to the staff if they want a quiet cafe or a noisy cheerful one.

I HATE people playing their phones out loud. I would be very grateful if someone else said something as I'm too intimidated to do it myself. This actually happened to me in a hospital waiting room, and I was too scared to go over.
But you are completely in the right here.
People have forgotten how to behave in public and they are just selfish to think the horrible tinny noise of their phone speaker isn't irritating the vast majority of people around them.

Bit worried about some of these comments - phone noise is very different to people noise!

OP I'd be whacking on the classical music out loud if this happens again. Tends to stop pretty quickly after that I find!

YABU go home or go to the office. It’s a coffee shop, a public place. I’m personally sick to death of all the entitled table hoggers with computers. The other lady was equally unreasonable btw

I understand you OP- I'd take Loops or noise cancelling headphones with me as I also cannot stand the noise of phones/tablets too, but possibly also vote with my feet and find another cafe. Trains are even worse IMHO.

She's not chatting, she's playing TikTok videos loudly on her phone. Not the same thing at all.

This happens all the time, a thread gets totally derailed because of the wording of the title. You would think people could get an understanding from the further explanation but mostly they can't!

Have you not read the OP, or are you having problems understanding it?
Genuine question.

People doing things that would fail of everyone did them are clearly wrong and k would be tempted to be playing loud music back at her

Some ignorant cow has loud conversations on speakerphone at my doctors surgery waiting room

I mean, if the OP had complained about people chatting in a cafe while she wanted to work, I think it would have been a unaminous YRBU, but she didn't.

Old aged pensioners are entitled. What a shocker. Is there anything you can do to constantly annoy them back?

She's a rude cow (as is everyone who inflicts their phone on others). Surely some other people in the cafe must also find it irritating? Find them and make a deputation to the staff?

So annoying, I'd say something too. I had to move sun loungers on holiday as some woman had her ebook on full blast, (no earphones) I'm not violent but sometimes!!

The older woman with the phone is being unreasonable and anti-social, why should others in a coffee shop be forced to listen to whatever she's in thrall to. The OP is not invading other people's head space, if some think the OP should go somewhere else, then by the same token, the woman with the phone should take her noisy content somewhere where she's not foisting that racket on other people. Sometimes I wish the staff would be more proactive in telling their customers when they are being a nuisance to others. For example, I've witnessed small children running around in cafes, dangerous when people are walking about with hot drinks. .

Yes. She has a point. People speak in cafes. If you don’t like it sit elsewhere or go to a different cafe. If you need quiet for your work, go to a library!

I’m nearly that age. I’d use my AirPods.

Did you read the OP? She isn’t objecting to people talking; she’s objecting to them watching stuff on their phone without headphones.

It's not about speaking. It's about blasting out audio on her phone.

YANBU. - The woman and man were rude. You asked very politely. I guess you could wear headphones yourself.

Where did the OP object to people speaking?
Sometimes mumsnet is a parallel universe!

I agree, mention this to the staff.
It doesn't matter how young or old the person is, it's incredibly rude and entitled to be playing videos or music in public without ear phones.