To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

[Bearlionfalcon]

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

We do learn...oldies I mean...😎

Ha,ha I didn’t notice my sh*t typo ! Quite apt though.

Jeez the density of some of the posters on here is incredible. It's a wonder they don't fall through the Earth's crust when walking.

Why does somebody sitting with a laptop annoy you? I couldn't care less if someone is sitting there with a friend, their phone, a newspaper, a laptop, a book. It has no impact on me.

For those who’ve enjoyed the thread just thought I’d post this update.
Went back to the cafe this morning - have been avoiding it but was hungry as missed breakfast so thought sod it - also, I had my new loop earplugs with me which someone on this thread suggested I buy, so thought how bad can it be!
The loud phone lady and her husband were not there, but there was a little ‘reserved’ sign on their usual table, so as I ordered I asked the member of staff ‘oh is that table reserved for the lady who likes to play things on her phone out loud?’
He laughed and clearly knew exactly who I meant and said ‘yes they come in every day and they ask us to reserve that table for them.’
I said ‘oh well, thanks for letting me know, I’ve brought ear plugs this time and I’ll sit as far away as possible!’
He just gave me a bit of an awkward smile and I went and sat down and plugged my earplugs in while I waited for my food.
I had my breakfast, then bumped into someone I knew but hadn’t seen for ages and had a bit of a chat and a coffee with them, then plugged my earplugs back in to do a bit of work for 20 mins.
Honestly no word of a lie, even with the earplugs in, I heard her before I saw her. She was there on her usual table with her husband, flicking through Tik Tok on her phone, zero fucks given. Even though I was right at the back of the cafe (don’t think she’d seen me) the Loop earphones were powerless against the onslaught. I sort of had to admire it.
I packed up and left, said goodbye to the staff member and he gave me an apologetic but ‘what can you do’ sort of face as I left.
I did notice that everyone else who was there had chosen to sit at the back like me - all the tables around Tik Tok lady were empty. Even though she sits right at the front in the nice bit by the window where most people would, I imagine, choose to sit. So maybe others feel the same about the Tik Tokking.
Needless to say, I’ll find another cafe!! Bonkers.

Worst offenders for this are young people on public transport, customers in TKMaxx who think it’s their lounge and very often people mid 60s plus. If you go in the massive M and S cafe in Manchester, often there’s not a spot to sit where you can avoid device noise because the M and S demographic think it’s absolutely fine to play videos of their grandchild’s nativity or make calls on full volume.
i went to France recently and I only heard a device once - they were English. Why can’t we be civilised here?

Most of us are, hence all the complaints about the selfish minority. I wish there were big signs on public transport telling people not to play anything on their devices without headphones. The odd brief phone call is acceptable, but a thirty minute face time in a loud voice really isn’t. We were subjected to one such in the ‘quiet’ coach on the train to Scotland. A chap probably in his fifties.

I don’t care if someone is working quietly in a cafe, if they are a paying customer. Unlike the noisy t*s they don’t disturb anyone.

I hate noise but it isn't my train, bus, cafe so if the owner/operator allows it I just have a choice to put up with it or go elsewhere. Easier with a cafe than a train.

I was on a train recently, and a women got on and sat at the same table as me. She immediately started looking and noisy stuff on her phone, and a guy nearby asked her if she had headphones she could use. She said, "It's only tiktok," like that makes it ok! He had another couple of words (I couldn't hear what) and she stopped. Thank you random man!

In theory they don't allow it in the quiet carriages but you can't really blame the guards for not enforcing it as they will just get a tirade of abuse.

The cafe owners are wet if they don't stop it though. Is Tiktok woman really worth it to them? I'd tell her to desist or not come anymore.

Is it bad to suggest a google review of cafe saying loud phone use means you wouldn’t go back? Or to tell the cafe they’ve lost a customer because of her? Seems unjust.

There are some who go out of their way to disrupt people who use cafes as an office to do work in. I think you'll probably meet the cafe crowd if you do at some point.

Ear defenders are pretty efficient.

He sounds like a wet lettuce.
But also, you had a great opportunity to tell him how much you dislike their noise, and you didn't.

I once went to a country pub in quite an affluent area and there was a large group who had just finished their meal. One must have been a grandmother who was letting her toddler grandson listen to Peppa Pig really loudly.

I thought about saying something, but felt they would be rude about it. So instead, I put on Blippi at full blast and let my kids watch it. There were no other people around to annoy them. I never allow that so the kids were really happy to get that opportunity and I wasn't constantly entertaining them like I normally would do.

The grandmother had the audacity to start looking over at us like we were the devil himself!!!! I could not believe it. But it shut off Peppa Pig.

Mehehe

I thought it was just the youth who conduct calls on speakerphone on trains/in cafes but from your post the phenomenon seems to be catching on!

I was sitting opposite a girl in her 20s on the train recently while she spent the entire journey having a loud conversation on FaceTime with a friend. I don’t understand the selfishness of assuming that a carriage load of people wants to be forced to listen to your inane babble about what you’re going to do at the weekend. Or anything, actually. It’s just inconsiderate.

I knew I’d have done something wrong!!
Come on, I made it pretty obvious I didn’t like the noise by asking if she would be sitting there and then saying in that case I would sit on the other side of my cage with earplugs in. I don’t think I have it in me to be any blunter than that!

I knew I’d have done something wrong!!
Come on, I made it pretty obvious I didn’t like the noise by asking if she would be sitting there and then saying in that case I would sit on the other side of the cafe with earplugs in?! I don’t think I have it in me to be any blunter than that! Especially as it’s not his fault, poor bloke!

It's not his fault but it is his responsibility.

I agree he knew exactly what you were getting at, and deliberately chose to take your comments as a bit of a joke. That's why he's a wet lettuce.
But you could have said, 'The noise is very antisocial; have you ever spoken to them about it?'
If that's too blunt for you, then on your way out you could have told him you had to leave because of the antisocial noise and, very sorry, but you'd have to look for another cafe from now on.

Totally. Tbh if people have to have ‘why TikTok being played loudly in public is annoying and not the same as ordinary hubbub’ spelt out to them, they are on the wind-up.

But it's his cafe so his choice. Your choice or mine is to go elsewhere if the cafe doesn't suit us.

You’re working in a public place, it’s not your office, it’s a cafe. If you’re concerned about distractions work in an office or from home not in public. Do you expect people to not talk either incase they distract you?

My worst was a young man, think he'd been drinking, who was addressing two soldiers sitting opposite him. He was loud and discussing his girlfriend, her attributes and what I can only call her party piece. It was years ago and I had my 12 year old son with me. He eventually stopped.

He was getting off at the same stop as me and was standing behind me when he started again. I said "for the love of God do we have to listen to this again?". He looked shocked and said "I think I've been told off ". I confirmed he had. He did go quiet.

I don't know anyone of this age who watches TikTok videos.

Or anything else on a phone.

I feel like I'm in a minority who hates taking calls in public? I remember someone calling me and he needed my personal details which I refused to give him which shocked him?

The only calls in happy to actually take are people asking me where I am as it's only a few minutes and I'm not giving out personal information

Don't worry OP - I think most of us realised you mentioned the age because of the husband's comment!
I'm glad you complained but it's sad that if it annoyed others, that they couldn't voice their opinions too.