To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

[Bearlionfalcon]

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

Not sure that is really true, spend quiet a lot of time in coffee shops / cafes, just had lunch in cafe and and older couple sat next to me were talking very loudly as clearly had hearing issues, didn't bother me anymore than kids being on tik tok. Don't think the issue is the acutal noise rather than the lack of respect from the women playing it uneccessarily.

I don’t think the poster is necessarily lying. Noise from devices doesn’t bother everyone. To me, as long as it’s just at a normal noise level and not overly loud, it’s no different than other noise. Obviously if it’s really loud, that would be different, but then so would 2 people shouting at each other in a cafe be different. I understand it really bothers some people and would always use AirPods in public, but other people not using them doesn’t bother me.

Incredibly rude and ignorant behaviour.
Typically MN AIBU, defending the selfish and uncouth.

Why don’t you just get headphones?

Why can't the other person?

How often are two people shouting at each other in cafes? Never, or they’d be asked to leave.

In this case, you're not going to win with her so just put some ear phones on yourself. If you can't persuade her to then you have to adjust.

Loop do some noise cancelling ear plugs or just get some ordinary ones and listen to music. Or get noise cancelling ear phones.

How do you feel about people having zoom meetings in cafes? You alright with that too?

Yanbu. Age isn't a factor here but someone not thinking of others around them. Talk to the staff. At the viewing area of our local swimming pool a dad arrived with two children and put their iPad on loud playing something noisy from you tube. Everyone looked at him and he totally ignored us. I in the end asked if he could turn the sound down please and he put it down to normal talking not shouting level and gave me a funny look.

At least he didn't tell you to bog off, which is what some people seem to think an appropriate response 🙄

The quality of noise from a device is very different from the quality of noise from people talking or even the café music playing. And things like TikTok in particular are very intrusive because they’re short, sharp bursts of sound that have been designed specifically and explicitly to get people’s attention.

nope. but its a cafe and therefore its up to the cafe proprietor what happens. Complain to the staff by all means but its not up to you (or any other customer) to decide what happens in a cafe.

its not up to you (or any other customer) to decide what happens in a cafe.

But the people listening to crap are deciding what happens?

I agree, it’s completely different. I don’t want to listen to self important people on zoom either. They’re the ones who need to go home/back to their office.

Duplicate.

Very true. luckily another mum turned around and said sound off would be better.. I had to leave to collect my child from the shower a few minutes later so didn't see what happened next.

I was sat next to someone on a packed bus (an older lady too) who was on Tiktoc with the sound up so I empathise. It is annoying as hell. It's not as if the sound was even necessary, she was looking at cakes and it was just playing random music.

You were unreasonable.

I’m getting fed up with people who use cafes as a workplace and expect everyone else to prioritise them over ordinary customers.

A cafe is a place to chat and socialise if desired and if you need peace and quiet then work in a library.

I had a woman trying to get me to move from a comfy sofa in a hotel lobby area because she wanted to sit there and do a zoom meeting on her laptop. She seemed to assume that I’d just move. 🤣

I told her she was welcome to share the sofa or find another seat. There were other armchairs available. I’d been sat there about ten minutes reading my book and I wasn’t going to move unless she gave me a much better reason.

I would sit next to her and start playing g loud tik tok videos of my own. She may then get the message

Everyone makes noise, just different types of noise. In this day and age with people using devices, devices is one of those noises. Unless the volume was blasting out at a ridiculous level, (where if it was everyone in there would be complaining), then you surely have to tolerate other peoples noise! If it was too much, simply getting up and leaving to find somewhere else would have been the best option. Why should the woman have to reduce her noise levels to suit the OP who wants to be quiet?

If you expect to sit 'quietly' in a public place then you have to expect that this might not be possible. If you want peace and quiet, find a library.

Because she's bothered by noise around her.

Why should the woman have to reduce her noise levels to suit the OP who wants to be quiet?

Because listening to TikTok videos without headphones is antisocial?

Why should the woman have to reduce her noise levels to suit the OP who wants to be quiet?

I'd consider it highly likely that loud TikTok videos would also be disturbing other customers. Just because they don't complain doesn't mean they're not annoyed by it - I certainly would be.

You haven’t understood my comment. I’m saying that a device playing at a normal volume is no different to people talking at a normal volume to me and doesn’t bother me. Most people I’ve come across not using headphones have it on at a normal volume. If they had it on loud, that would be annoying, but so would people speaking very loudly or shouting.

I would use AirPods myself though as I know it bothers others

Would she have approached an adult, of any age, sat at a table that had a 7 year old child with an iPad blaring out peppa pig?