Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

[impossible45]

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

OP it's fine to neglect hair cuts and new clothes. I haven't had either for years. But vital to visit the dentist. Please try and book in. You don't get second chances with teeth.

Yes! We have a cleaner once a week which is a huge help, but everything else is a shit tip. The people I know who have it together not only have the cleaner but send out laundry, window cleaners, gardener even if it’s just mowing the lawn, etc. And they afford it through the combo of working full time but also having free and reliable grandparent childcare on both sides, so the kids get to be picked up at 3pm and be at home or somewhere that feels like home, have homework done and dusted and tea on the table early. Without the free childcare factor, I’m looking at either wraparound care (£ that wipes out the benefit of working FT, plus exhausted children with no time/energy to do reading at home), or working PT (so no money to outsource stuff, plus kids trashing the house).

The “our houses/lives are fine, I don’t understand?” post above from the 1% pay bracket made me laugh. Duh! Most of us aren’t in the 1%, hence the name, and thus our houses/lives aren’t fine. It’s not rocket salad.

Maybe that is part of the added struggle of todays parents, growing up we didn't get to do many activities. And certainly nothing that started before 7pm.
Grandparents looked after us afterschool until we were picked up, by Dad who'd already have collected Mum at 5.00.
Non-uniform days just weren't a thing.

Flame incoming. Dreadful stuff.😬

Can only mothers do this stuff?

My Mum finds my shit tip completely overwhelming. She'll come to visit and start asking 'where's this go'

And even at that I get to the point i just don't know where to start.

I wish I could be as ruthless and just ditch stuff. But I'm too soft, guilt tripped into protecting the planet and keeping stuff out of landfill which really means it clutter up my house.

I never had nearly as much stuff as my kids do in the way of toys or lego.

No lots of people do a mad tidy up before visitors arrive.

But those do don't are absolutely ruthless at dealing with stuff.

I agree. My family barely did anything, my children are out a few nights each so 4 out of 5 weeknights we’re busy. I get in from work, get tea on (been in a slow cooker or just needs reheating if I’ve been organised) then one of us is out, sometimes both of us. Single parents, I don’t know how they do it because having my husband to do his share of activity drop offs makes it much easier.

One of my children’s activities is particularly demanding and I have to sit down to make sure the various competition fees are up to date, she’s got what she needs for the weekend etc. It’s exhausting!

There’s a lot of “I” in your posts. Then the odd “we”.

Who is the “we” and why aren’t they on here saying the same as you? Are you trying to do it all for everyone else? Why?

I’m through this now and appreciate how hard it for other posters.
Trying to keep lots of extra curricular clubs going really adds to the stress.
My advice would be to drop them all - particularly for primary aged children.
In the long run, families with better mental health are happier. If taking, dropping off, picking up and paying for everything is causing stress it’s not worth it.
Weekly family swimming and library visits will suffice.

Most people I know have one parent working part time, those with two full time parents tend to have a significant amount of grandparent help.

Are you single or do you have a husband/ partner? Is he doing 50% of children and house stuff?

Both DH and I work full time, with significant travel. We have no paid for or grandparent help.

We split all domestic responsibilities between us and DD does her share too. Neither of us would feel like the OP.

Fair enough- I was talking about those I know. Obviously some people do it alone, I suspect most people don’t.

My husband has significant travel but his is unpredictable so we personally couldn’t have two of us doing it as we couldn’t cover the childcare. Amazing if your work is flexible to work opposite each other though.

Part of the issue of dropping all kids clubs and things at primary level is its then very difficult to get them to do ANYTHING when they get to secondary level.

People moan about girls dropping out of sports at 11, boys might keep football or something going because of the social side of it.

Very very difficult to get kids to pick something new up at 11 or 12. They won't be as good as peers who've been by that point training for potentially 5 or 6 years.

Even scouts dropped the age for scouts so they got kids transitioned from Cubs to Scouts before they transitioned from Primary to Secondary school.

I’m coming around to this of thinking. For cost and stress reasons.

Swimming
library
playdates / socialising
we do a lot of crafts/gardening/wholesome stuff at home too

surely this is enough!

I agree with this. The pull of screens is great, having an activity they enjoy, that encourages practise, enriches their life and they remain fitter for it but it’s hard!

We both travel for work, just not at the same time. We don’t work opposite each other………?

I don't work and I struggle with it all as well. I am disabled though but yeah its just really hard and no matter what you get done it all needs doing again tomorrow.

Husband full time but wfh. I'm 33hours over 4 days, usually 3 in office but with an hours commute each way so adds up to similar hours if FT and wfh. One 2.5yo, no family help at all or babysitters. Pets. The way we get by is:

• dad does drop off and sorts nursery bag every morning. In the last few months he has fit in half an hour at gym before starting work 2 days a week as his job is less full on than before.
• dad walks dog on lunchbreak, in nice weather we do another after dinner too
• I do pick up whilst dad cooks. We cook from scratch a few nights and have the odd night of beans on toast or batch cook. Tried gusto etc, did not save us time. No time to batch cook either really.
• one resets the house whilst one does bedtime.
• cleaner once a week but vacuum daily due to pets. Strict with clutter and tidiness. House is an immediate tip after she has gone.
• life admin/discussions whilst on once weekly dog walk together on my wfh day. Division of tasks.
• my day off is mostly spent out of house with toddler as otherwise he interrupts dad's work. So minimal achieved there except entertaining him, but tend to do a few washing loads.
• weekly list and delivery or click and collect, choose meals from a list to keep some variety, nothing that takes more than 40mins to cook.
• trade off on weekend time for things like hair appointments. Appreciate this is only doable if your weekend with kids is flexible. Also for social time. Have attempted to return to gym for 2hours a week in evening but finding it too difficult so pausing that for now.
• 1 lie in of an hour each on weekend days. It's barely anything but helps. Occasional quick brunch date on wfh day together seeing as we have no babysitting for free time together

Toddler has started waking overnight and only sleeps 8.30 to 6 due to being ready to drop nap so the idea of getting up at 5am to get anything more done makes me want to cry, i just don't have the energy or will.

My mind is blown by my other FT friends who manage, but remind myself most have grandparent help. Almost all have no commute or work TT only which helps too.

I don't think there's any way someone could do it all without help. I'm happily child free by choice, as the name would suggest and sometimes I barely feel like I'm holding it down when my only responsibilities are to work, workout and feed myself and my pets. We have a cleaner and gardener, bc, well we don't like doing either. I have no clue how women work full time, parent full time and then also do all of the house work, that sounds awful and exhausting, give yourself a break.