Juggling everything is so damn hard!!!

[impossible45]

How on earth are you meant to keep a tidy house, “life admin” up to date, hold down full-time jobs, have a nice wardrobe of clothes, look after your own wellbeing and be great parents all at once? I just can’t do it and our house and garden is a tip as a result (something has to give). It’s a shame as I’d like to have people over but never can. I just feel so exhausted by the end of the day, every day. It’s like a rat race and I feel I’m constantly spinning plates, neglecting my own self (I haven’t cut my hair, bought new clothes or been to the dentist in years - my mental health is also shot). I just don’t see how it’s possible to be calm and in control, on top of everything, spending quality time with family, cooking fresh and healthy meals and have a neat and tidy house. Any tips?!!

Is DH pulling his weight or are you single?

If you have a partner, you shouldn't be doing it all anyway. In my experience, that is when someone can start to struggle.

I definitely have some days which are harder but overall I feel like I manage well but that's only because I have a DH who pulls his weight.

It's very hard, you just have to accept you can't manage everything and prioritise what's most important to you.

Our kids are healthy and happy, we hold down decent jobs, we exercise and we (mostly) cook healthy home made meals. These are all wins.
However, our house is a tip 😆. So much needs doing to it and it's constant mess. We can't do everything 🤷‍♀️

You can’t do it all. I went back to work for a year after dc1. It was a shitshow, running out of clean clothes, food in fridge going off, nothing properly made for dinner, barely saw our toddler, clothes not ironed for work, using dry shampoo half the time and not washing my hair, kids nails always needed a trim, barely ever made the 6pm nursery pick up on time.

Shitshow.

So I became a sahm for a bit

I work part time and find it impossible. House is an absolute disaster and I’m keen to get a cleaner but seriously need to declutter before anyone would even be able to clean the place, and I just can’t get on top of that either. I just feel so overwhelmed by it all.

This is me!!

I am ageing before my eyes too, and putting on weight without overeating, I don't know if it's chronic stress maybe. I'm on my own with 2 boys, one with additional needs, I work 32 hours in a stressful mid senior job, the boys have football 4 times a week, we have a dog, the school commute takes 30 mins one way, and I bought a run down house which I have been renovating. I'm 37 and shuffling around with a sore back, I feel 70. Shamefully, i can go 3 days without a shower. I do have a dog walker, but no other help.

I also struggle if the house isn't clean so I do general tidy and make beds each day. I do this because my mental health needs it. I WFH most of the week so I manage to sneak in a quick hoover and a made bed!

Its too much, and I'm actually dreading the boys going back to school, the commute and football again. Ahhgggg it's too much !

Are you a single parent? I had 4 kids alone and worked full time, I didn’t watch tv for 12 years! My house was a tip for quite a few years I prioritised kids being clean and attending school, doing homework and their activities and taking them to parks,swimming etc.
I got shopping delivered, no takeaways but often had beans on toast meals to have a break. We all did dentist, hair cuts but maybe not as often as we should.
It is/ was really difficult but it taught me to be very organised which was not really in my nature. It does get better in my experience as kids get older, unfortunately with the current situation re cost of living there is little alternative, but. I aspired to work part time, never realised though. As others have said you are not alone.

I only work part time and even that I’m finding very very intense during the summer hols. My husband works very long hours and often is away though… but to those of you with two f/t working parents in the household and no significant help from grandparents …. I honestly don’t know how you do it.

Went to visit my brother recently. Both parents in that household work very full time. Every time I go the house is more and more chaotic… recycling bin overflowing, kitchen doors broken and no time to fix them, fridge so full of food you just know that 90% of it is off (more and more food just gets crammed in the front till it’s basically falling out), laundry piled everywhere, shoes and coats everywhere,… I’m not judging them at all but it’s a sign of what life is like for them! They are currently working ft from home with kids “amusing themselves” while they work, as the holiday clubs were all instantly fully booked!! My life is similar but not quite as tough during term time as I can work school hrs, which I know I am very lucky to be able to do.

we aren’t designed to have to do this many things at once. But the cost of living….

I work part time but I still struggle with it all. I don’t have a cleaner but do have a robot hoover.

I declutter every so often, the house is easier to clean with less stuff but there’s always something to do, it’s tiring!

I don’t know how anyone can do it all especially with working full time.

Honestly, the house is only just clean, just surface stuff most of the time and I’ve realised I can survive on 5hrs sleep as long as I can get a bit more at the weekend.

Ive got as much automation in place as possible, all my appts, subscriptions and insurances are on auto-renew.

i do things like:

• using the delay setting on the asking machine so it comes on overnight then getting it on the line at 5.30am
• batching food up into ‘dump bags’ straight into the freezer as I’m unpacking the shopping so that cooking healthy meals is just emptying a bag into the slow cooker or a roasting pan for the oven
• using all the odd minutes to get a job done, so mopping the kitchen floor while the kettle boils, wiping down the surfaces in the downstairs loo while the oven pre-heats, hoover the living room while DD eats breakfast.

It's impossible & I work p/t. Some weeks I manage exercise, tidy house etc, other weeks it's friend, extended family etc.

I focus on dcs activities, eating healthy dinners together & doing my job well most weeks.

To the posters who’ve mentioned the cost of living - I think that’s the crux of the matter, for me.

@impossible45 It’s impossible OP and it’s my own wellbeing that always takes a backseat unfortunately because I can’t see the other stuff not being done 🙄🫠
DH works at sea so is gone for weeks at a time. I’m unable to drive for medical reasons so have to factor walking commute into every activity. I work 4 days and have an autoimmune disorder which makes me tired but also not sleep 🫠

My typical work day is:
5am: wake/shower/dry hair/dress etc
6am: pre-schooler wakes usually
6.15am: breakfast/playtime/teeth/dressed etc
7.15am: leave the house - 45ish min walk at DS pace
8am: nursery drop off then 30min walk to work
Lunch hour spent running errands in town/doing any admin bits I can do from my phone
5.30pm: finish work, walk/run to get to nursery pick up
6pm: 45ish min walk home.
6.45pm: snack/dinner depending on day and chat about our day then bath then teeth
7.30pm: stories & bed
8.15pm: feed myself, clean up from that and the morning, sort nursery bag for next day, stain remove nursery clothes 🫠 do a laundry & hang it up, do any ironing for next day
9.30pm: quick chat with DH on phone
9.30pm: bed

Non working days are less structured obviously but we have at least 1 club/class on each day that I’m off work. Then food shop, meal prepping, an abundance of birthday parties etc, catch up on housework. Days “off” soon get eaten up. I honestly have no idea how people manage to fit in hair/nail appointments and regular trips to the gym etc 🫠

No other family support.
Obviously when DH is home it lightens the load a lot.

Assuming no kids then or a DP that does everything kid related or enough income for a nanny/parents stepping in.

I'd like to confirm it's impossible.
I also went back full time after 1st DC. Absolute disaster and I have a DH who did night feeds, cooks and cleans. We were exhausted, never saw our DC, spent a fortune on childcare and the flat was a tip.

Eventually, I was very lucky to be able to go freelance, so I can finish earlier in the day. My DH does school drop offs and I have time to cook dinner.
We recently sent the DC to grandparents for the weekend and spent the entire time sorting the garden, which desperately needed doing.

We quite often organise holidays, when we're on holiday.

My garden is awful as it’s the lowest on my list of priorities. A shame as it could be nice, but I don’t have time to do it myself or the money to pay someone else.

Honestly all the people on here getting up at 5am to be able to get everything done 😭 it shouldn’t be like this!!

To the posters who’ve mentioned the cost of living - I think that’s the crux of the matter, for me.

I dropped the cleaner, couldn't justify £150 plus a month. Use the gardener less too. Our food bill has really gone up.

I’m sorry to hear you are finding things tough OP.

I don’t have any practical advice as I haven’t tried to do what you are doing myself.

All I can say is that becoming a SAHM was the right decision for myself and my family. Reading your honest post resembled how I anticipated I would feel if I had tried to do both, so I didn’t and feel a sense of peace overall for focusing on certain things I feel I can at least complete, stay on top of and do well. My previous career was one with an intense, never-ending workload, and it didn’t feel compatible at all with a young family without me suffering a great deal mentally TBH.

I hope things do become easier for you if you need to continue financially, you are doing a lot.

No, the kids are now 18 and 19.
DP runs own business from early mornings and works until 6ish-8pm depending on work that has come in. Work is physically demanding for him so I don't nag him to do housework, just washing up after I've cooked etc.

It's not that deep.

My job actually keeps me sane tbh but I would not cope with f/t.

It's not possible.

And it's so hard with the cost of living.

The answer is to reduce your hours at work or buy in help. OK if you can afford that. Even dropping a half day could make the difference though - say 2hrs for exercise and 2hrs for cleaning.

Wfh also helps - those are the days I do my food shop delivery and get a few loads of washing done. Not having the commute on that day allows me to make a big batch of something for dinner which we eat on my office days.

does your husband feel the same way, since you both work full time so therefore I would hope share all domestic and childcare tasks equally?

Unless you can afford to buy help in, it always has been.

I am slowly losing my mind - I run my own small
business consultancy which means I can’t even book annual leave - but am expected to be the flexible one over childcare and it drives me demented.

I never get anything done and yet DH is swanning off to the office everyday and having 9 hours of uninterrupted work time to be productive/ useful / valued. I had one at holiday club and teen had a friend over but I still was the one who had to deal with the tradesman fixing stuff, deal with fixing the washing machine myself, deal with the pile of soggy washing, speak to neighbours (they looked after pet whilst we were on holiday so couldn’t ignore them!), tidy round, unpack at least some of the huge pile of shit from
holiday, sort decorations for family party in a few weeks, sort new school uniforms, take teen to Curry’s to buy new computer game, sort dinner

aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh